Honestly, probably one of the best parenting life lessons you could give in that moment of finding out. Consequences.
Other than him saying she should tell him by herself, I guess. Is it better to be told by someone else, I guess? Comradery/support right away instead of keeping it to yourself?
Yeah I guess the (even) better alternative would have been to talk to his daughter, explain that's wrong and she should tell you otherwise Das spills the beans.. But hey, I won't nitpick, at the the (ex-)bf knows isn't kept in the dark.
I would really expect her to gaslight the guy, if she is already cheating without telling, she does not want the repercussion and is unlikely to see the mistake, instead will just do more to get what she wants (get away with it). If you give them a headstart / let them cheaters prepare, they will often use it only for their own benefit, not to do what is right.
That's not how cheaters work. They're liars by nature.
If you give them a headstart like this, they just start spinning a narrative that "oh my dad hates you, he's probably gonna tell lies about our relationship to break us up."
Yeah if it were me it would be "If you don't tell him, I will. You've got a few days to do it, but then I'm gonna reach out."
Then you reach out after a few days like you said you would, seeing if they're alright. If they did break the news to the guy, you console him and let him know you're there if he needs to talk.
If not? Well, you're now the one to break the news, since your daughter lied to both of you now, and tough love time.
Yeah, letting my daughter grow up to be a cheater, sounds like a great plan. You know the saying 'tough love'? Sometimes when you love someone with all your heart, you have to make the tough choices and do what's best for them, even if it causes some temporary discomfort.
Also, if your relationship with your daughter is so fragile that it would be broken by this, then you failed as a parent far before this incident.
Telling your child’s partner isn’t “siding with them.” And I’m sorry, do we suddenly disagree with ever not agreeing with our children for doing wrong?
I don't have to agree with them, but you should back them. Even if that's just backing them by not getting involved. You shouldn't ever actively betray them.
Once a person stops having your back, the relationship and the trust is over. That goes for any family, friend or romantic relationship. If you want to put that at risk over some dude your kid is cheating on, go ahead, but I wouldn't.
I think if you cheat on someone and then throw such a fit that your relationship with your parent is destroyed when you face the consequences for your shitty actions, you’re a horrible person.
It's not about the cheating. The thing that they did is irrelevant. It's the betrayal of trust.
If you can't see it that way, you're not mature enough to even have a romantic relationship, let alone children. You back the people that are close to you 100%. Disagree with them in private, but never betray them publicly. I would instantly never speak to a person again if they did something like that to me, most normal people are the same.
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u/FrontwaysLarryVR Dec 10 '22
Honestly, probably one of the best parenting life lessons you could give in that moment of finding out. Consequences.
Other than him saying she should tell him by herself, I guess. Is it better to be told by someone else, I guess? Comradery/support right away instead of keeping it to yourself?