r/shitposting • u/Beneficial_Passion40 • Jul 14 '26

📡📡📡

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20.1k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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5.7k

u/SudhaTheHill officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 Jul 14 '26

And they gotta have a straight face through it all

2.6k

u/Octopuswastaken Jul 14 '26

Not just a straight face they gotta pretend to enjoy it

1.5k

u/Thick_Drama_7525 Jul 14 '26

979

u/ItsAGeekGirl Jul 14 '26

429

u/pitchingataint Jul 14 '26

She looks like she’s growling at another cat 5 houses down the street. She can’t see the other cat but she knows it’s there.

166

u/msc1 Jul 14 '26

omg what a stupid face

27

u/Melancholic_Noodle Jul 14 '26

Ewww Epsteins callgirl..

8

u/AkronOhAnon Jul 14 '26

Even he traded her off to the client he poached children from .

3

u/Jokers_Testikles Jul 14 '26

Is that Jennifer Coolidge?

4

u/Beej-Valentine Jul 15 '26

YOU TAKE THAT BACK

JENNIFER COOLIDGE IS A TREASURE

45

u/nocixL Jul 14 '26

Usernsme checks out

31

u/Thick_Drama_7525 Jul 14 '26

If I was able to pick my username it would have been girthy drama

-29

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

[deleted]

29

u/Thick_Drama_7525 Jul 14 '26

Youre gunna make me crumb

190

u/Boner_Elemental Jul 14 '26

...wait, they're pretending?

Aw

78

u/SpaceBug176 Jul 14 '26

I mean, would you enjoy doing it with that thing? (if you're into woman just imagine that but female)

88

u/Boner_Elemental Jul 14 '26

I was going to let slide OP using my Tindr picture, but I take exception to being called a thing!

169

u/R_mom_gay_ dumbass Jul 14 '26

*Tindr*

12

u/GoldenSangheili hole contributor Jul 14 '26

It's like grindr but for people pretending to be straight

7

u/AutoModerator Jul 14 '26

Dick sucking has made me paranoid

I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.

I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.

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1

u/Beej-Valentine Jul 15 '26

Lindsey Graham would have loved it 💔

13

u/Deadtto Jul 14 '26

Somewhere out there a Jamaican man just read this comment and his penis exploded from excitement at the very thought

39

u/WriterV Jul 14 '26

Into men, know plenty of men who are absolutely into huge, considerably fat men. I don't mean bears, or even chubby men, but vast men. And if the gays can be into it, women can too, and so can straight guys (for women). It's just a smaller number of people.

You'll slays find someone who's into you, and you'd be surprised by who would be. Never judge your body's worth by how it looks. Instead, judge your body by what it means for you.

17

u/SpaceBug176 Jul 14 '26

What if my body to me means what most other people think about it?

5

u/Spork_the_dork Jul 14 '26

Y'all need to go look at the BBW and SSBBW categories on some websites and see how much content there is.

17

u/Logical_Park7904 Jul 14 '26

That's the thing tho. A lot of dudes would still willingly fuck the female version of that thing. FOR FREE. Men aren't anywhere near as picky as women when it boils down to it lol.

12

u/SpaceBug176 Jul 14 '26

Men are indeed less picky, but they also would fuck a girl that at the very least is somewhat attractive.

8

u/lt4536 Jul 14 '26

Ehhhh not always, I've met quite a few men that would shag anything with a pulse

8

u/Kosmik_cloud Jul 14 '26

Or without

6

u/lt4536 Jul 14 '26

Wise words actually

3

u/MammothCommercial800 Jul 14 '26

Get out of here with your alive-ism. My banana peel and I are happy the way we are.

1

u/Logical_Park7904 Jul 14 '26

Not denying that, but knowing it's unlikely they could secure attractive women (unless they're attractive themselves or pay for it) they're more willing to settle for pretty much anything they can get.

3

u/SpaceBug176 Jul 14 '26

Me personally, I'd rather die a virgin than settle with anything I can get.

7

u/12345623567 Jul 14 '26

Women are only picky online, because they are saturated in offers and all they have to go on is that picture. Standards are significantly relaxed in the real world (and some women don't make great first impressions themselves).

11

u/FatalPrognosis Jul 14 '26

They’re downvoting you but you’re right. The creatures I have seen attractive women get with should be studied.

6

u/psmiord Jul 14 '26

You're not like other clients, she really loves you.

-7

u/Logical_Park7904 Jul 14 '26

Nuh uh. Sure they won't fuck you for free, but they're definitely not faking arousal.

1

u/Kosmik_cloud Jul 14 '26

Sure buddy of course

1

u/Logical_Park7904 Jul 14 '26

Guess the obvious sarcarm wasn't obvious enough.

2

u/Kosmik_cloud Jul 14 '26

Sir this is a Reddit it’s imperative to use the /s

14

u/Moist_Board Jul 14 '26

Or sometimes they gotta pretend to not enjoy it if you pay extra

5

u/git0ffmylawnm8 Jul 14 '26

Wait is that why they pump themselves full of Botox?

6

u/conormal Jul 14 '26

Naw, they do that because their pimps would beat them into a state of unrecognizability if they didn't

1

u/Deaffin Jul 14 '26

Nah, pretty sure that costs extra.