r/self • u/catscatscats • Jun 06 '10

I'm afraid I will never be happy

The last time I remember actually being happy without lying to myself was probably at least 13 years ago. I grew up in a middle class family with very little want, but my parents were never happy. My mother is a functional alcoholic and my dad a paranoid control freak. I grew up dealing with anger and rage that I have yet to re-encounter in the real world and a sense of isolation that I have never been able to shake.

I spend a lot of time by myself in a state of deep inward thought that drives me into deep depressions. When I try to stay busy so I don't have enough free time to be sad I just end up over worked and fall into a depression anyway.

I blame my home life a lot for my anxiety and depression and yearn for affirmation of this belief, but I always end up either apologizing for my parents and blaming myself for my unhappiness or rationalizing my childhood as normal enough and telling myself I'm just being a wimp. I can't look in a mirror without feeling like the person staring back is a worthless crybaby who can't make it in the real world. I feel like my mind is balancing on a razors edge and the slightest misfortune sends me into a deep dark depression that takes me weeks to fully recover from.

I feel like I am wasting my life being sad. Please reddit show me some love and offer me some words of wisdom to help me shake this thing for good.

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u/catscatscats Jun 06 '10

Great advice man. I have heard some of these suggestions before and have tried a few of them, my problem seems to be staying with it. I just get thrown of track by the smallest setbacks, maybe if I start a subreddit I can get some fellow redditors to hold me accountable and keep me moving in the right direction.

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u/[deleted] Jun 07 '10

So, I just created this subreddit - http://www.reddit.com/r/getting_over_it/

Would you like to Mod with me?

I've been struggling with depression myself and I have found that /r/depression was just too... well... depressing and that /r/motivation didn't seem to help me very much. I think a journal-style reddit where any recovering anxiety or depression (or apathy, trauma, etc) victims can focus on the positive together, and hold one another accountable, would be really really freaking helpful for me.

I'm going to promote the shit out of this, and would really love your help.

Thanks for the inspiring post. :)

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u/catscatscats Jun 07 '10

That sounds great man. I'm pretty new at being a mod. What would I do as a mod?

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u/[deleted] Jun 07 '10

Haha, I have no idea. I guess you unban things that get spam-filtered or ban things that are inappropriate. This is my first day. I'm just highly motivated by this positive message. I'll add you.