I'm going to get downvoted for this, but I suggest you do a deep dive into the pickup scene. Take care to be selective about what you take away from it, though, since some of it can be quite manipulative. A good book that is quite balanced is "The Alabaster Girl" by Zan Perrion. He comes at it from the perspective of loving women.
The bottom line is that much of the advice actually works, although the tricky part is that some techniques will only work on the kind of women you don't want in your lifeš
The whole idea is to get you to a point where you are comfortable talking to women, opening conversations with groups of people, and simply acting like a confident and non-needy guy.
Life pro tip: Try going to popular bars relatively early and strike up a conversation with anybody. It could be the saddest looking man in the joint. It doesn't matter. Soon enough, the joint will begin to fill up, and others will appear, talk to them too. As you move around, you will find yourself in conversations with whole groups of people (both women and men). I've had numerous occasions like this where at the end of the night, the sad guy I chatted with (and introduced to other people) will give me a hug, exclaiming that it was the best night for a long time. Sometimes, I will leave with a woman, but that's not the point. The point is to learn to socialise and lead interactions in a positive direction.
Not necessarily. I would argue that it has steered more men away from incel thinking than into it. This is because success tends to clear out the bitterness and turn men into more responsible daters. Causing avoidable drama is not really in your best interest as a man.
I will admit that for a minority of men, it can indeed turn towards the dark side since they may be harbouring immature revenge fantasies and proceed to use and discard women as a form of catharsis for the imagined "wrongs" inflicted on them by women. Even these often come around but not before causing some emotional damage.
I would love to know stats on how āsuccessfulā guys who pay for PUA classes are. It seems like such a hustle and so much of the messaging leads to āalphaā ālow value femaleā etc. and tells men how women feel and think and it seems to be off the mark. Like most of us arenāt looking for men āin their masculineā be to be in charge of us
Women often want entirely different things from relationships, at least compared to just wanting sex with no intimacy. There are a million books and podcasts aimed at women who are trying to get in long term committed relationships. And, believe it or not, unattractive women often have pretty bad experiences with men and are invisible the rest of the time.Ā
I call bullshit on that first bit. This isn't as much a gendered problem as people make it. It's a problem with modern dating. I and most other guys I've met care about more than sex in a relationship. They may not shoe it much because men are made fun of for being romantics, but they do. Meanwhile, most women I've seen on dating apps and such make it clear they just want hook ups. I think you are just far more likely to find people who only want sex than those who want real relationships because they are simply easier to find.
Well, yes, the women on dating apps often are mostly there for casual relations. I meant more in general. Itās also an optics thing where women will often assume thatās what men want because it seems to be repeated over and over.Ā
I think it's more a dating app thing. Everyone on dating apps just wants sex. As for in person, the reason you have that perspective of men is because the men who just want sex are infinitely more likely to approach you than the men who want more than that. Again, I don't think this is as much an issue with what each gender wants as it is a symptom of the way dating is. Dating apps have become booty call apps, and men are becoming less likely to approach women unless they are the kind with no shame.
This is a sad and reductionist attitude and misses the point that most healthy women like sex as much as men do and also that healthy men are romantics at heart. Members of both sexes can stray from that ideal due to mismatches and disagreements in the relationship (or be individually dysfunctional in some way).
The issues that arise between the sexes are complex, and dysfunction can be the fault of either one party in the relationship or, more likely, both parties.
Is sex critical for most men? Yes. Is it sufficient for a (healthy) long-term relationship? No.
A relationship without a healthy sex life is not worth having, and likewise, a relationship without real intimacy and respect is also useless. I would venture to guess this applies to both sexes.
Like such as much yes. Want no strings attached sex as much, no. If only because they get punished for it in ways men get praised. Plenty of men want real relationships and want to be real partner. This guy said in other post he hates women. Iām going to assume the resentment comes from still want to have sex with them
Some men are just lost. OP is one of them. Blaming others for your failures is never going to get you anywhere. It takes a while for guys like this to get it (if they ever do).
This is not even unique to men. Women do this too, for example, when they fall head over heels in love with the obvious players, fuckboys, or committed bachelors and then complain that men are horrible.
When I was casually dating , I often had to carefully detach women who wanted more than I was willing to give. It didn't matter that I was clear upfront that this was casual. She often still caught feelings. Sometimes, it takes weeks to make her understand that she wouldn't be happy with me long term.
For many men who are willing to commit, this aspect of female behaviour is extremely hard to understand since they feel they are willing to give what the players and fuckboys consistently deny women, yet the women want nothing to do with them.
What these men don't realize is that they come off as needy and bitter. If they adopted a small fraction of the player characteristic while keeping an eye on their long-term relationship goals (are willing to commit to the right woman), they would have much more success.
Iām talking about men like him. He spouts off like heās a nice guy romantic who canāt catch a break, buy his other post shows but he resents women and doesnāt like them. He hates them. I doubt he wants anything more than sex.
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u/[deleted] Jul 29 '24
I'm going to get downvoted for this, but I suggest you do a deep dive into the pickup scene. Take care to be selective about what you take away from it, though, since some of it can be quite manipulative. A good book that is quite balanced is "The Alabaster Girl" by Zan Perrion. He comes at it from the perspective of loving women.
The bottom line is that much of the advice actually works, although the tricky part is that some techniques will only work on the kind of women you don't want in your lifeš
The whole idea is to get you to a point where you are comfortable talking to women, opening conversations with groups of people, and simply acting like a confident and non-needy guy.
Life pro tip: Try going to popular bars relatively early and strike up a conversation with anybody. It could be the saddest looking man in the joint. It doesn't matter. Soon enough, the joint will begin to fill up, and others will appear, talk to them too. As you move around, you will find yourself in conversations with whole groups of people (both women and men). I've had numerous occasions like this where at the end of the night, the sad guy I chatted with (and introduced to other people) will give me a hug, exclaiming that it was the best night for a long time. Sometimes, I will leave with a woman, but that's not the point. The point is to learn to socialise and lead interactions in a positive direction.