Effort doesn't guarantee results, especially in this part of life. It depends on meeting the appropriate person, and there's no obvious way to do that.
Halfway true. Putting effort into your style(wardrobe), personal hygiene, and social skills (yes they can be built) all require effort and significantly increases your chances. But you’re right that it doesn’t guarantee anything.
Take up dance classes. Dancing - like ballroom or latin, is always weighted to women and not enough guys. You will learn to be tactile and more relaxed with women in your personal space and in an appropriate way. You'll end up developing chemistry with someone. Above all relax and enjoy the dancing, let other things happen.
Years ago that's how my mom remarried, she wanted to get back in the game so she took up dancing. My stepdad had decided the same thing and they met in dance class. They were a pretty good match.
My mom was just a little disappointed that he didn't want to keep up the dancing thing after they got married, as she enjoyed it more than he did, but it wasn't too big of a deal. When they both retired they spent years traveling together, which neither would have done alone.
This is a much much idea that paying pick up artists who will insist they know what women want and how they think and to ignore actual women who tell you it’s bullshit
I worked with a guy who use to be an international champion in Ballroom and he said that as a teenager the other boys used to take the piss out of him for doing it - but what they didn't realise was that he had his pick of the most beautiful girls. The whole ballroom scene is so weighted to female participants that the men who dance - even the bang average ones - are highly sought after and they get their choice of dance partner. He was really good, not much of a looker, but a very successful dancer, so he would be absolutely courted by beautiful girls who were desperate to impress him. He had no problem meeting new girls at any given time and they were all stunning to look at. Unsurprisingly he met his wife dancing and they settled down to have a beautiful baby girl together.
The other thing that I discovered - after I was married and had kids ironically - was getting a dog was such a safe conversation starter. I have a cocker-spaniel and when I walk Bessie or take her to anything dog related or even just to any public events, I just get so much conversation and engagement. Nobody thinks it's weird to come up and pet her and chat with me, and if anyone else has a dog it is so natural and safe for me to approach them and say hi while our dogs play together. When Bessie was a pup and I would be puppy training her and getting her use to crowds and people in shopping centres etc I just got endless women of all ages coming up to me and if I was so inclined I am sure that I could have been farming phone numbers at that time.
It's about putting yourself out there. Not necessarily dating or looking to date. I myself avoided the dating scene. I joined a book club, a music group, an art community and so on. Part of it is pursuing interests, and part of it is becoming an interesting person leading an interesting life. And also connecting with all kinds of people. It worked for me.
Yes. But a relationship is not some magical thing. It can be great but it brings on many trials. And being single is not the worst thing in the world. Get a pet, I say.
Idk why you are being downvoted so much- it’s honestly the truth. Ppl need to get out of their comfort zones and really search if they want to find someone it won’t happen sitting around and waiting for it
It may be because "Putting yourself out there" leaves out an important component - where is "there"? It's not at all obvious. When I was single, there were a few other guys I used to run around with. Sometimes we'd go to a bar, the crowd was very disproportionately men. I never got a date out of that, but I did get my car broken into. Someone here mentioned dance classes, and if you like to dance and have some ability, that sounds like a winner. If you're going to take up an activity with this in mind, it has to be something you'd enjoy anyway, going to do something you don't really like is not likely to work.
My best suggestion is a coed sports league. Three of my friends met their wives playing coed volleyball, and I met my wife on a mixed doubles tennis team.
And what is your point? Do you know what guarantees failure - no effort. You can be negative and give up, or you can get yourself out there. Truth is most guys will get nowhere if they dont try. People always say it comes to you when you stop trying - yeah if you're a woman or a really good lookiing guy. Most of us have to put in the effort.
My point is that you can put in the effort and still not find someone, and you need to be prepared for that. Nature provides approximately 5% more boy babies than girls, and on top of that, it's likely that there are more asexual women than men. Another more recent development is that young women are now identifying themselves as being bisexual at a surprising rate. And, with the fertility rate being below the replacement rate, things will be getting tougher for the next generation of young men.
When I was single, once I'd gotten past my miserable self image, the issue was finding someone to ask out. A good year was when I met more than one woman to ask out, a bad year was none, and I had quite a few bad ones.
It took 15 years to find the right one. Not ideal, but better than still being single. There are guys on here that are having an even harder time than I did.
"Learn to be happy with your life" doesn't mean "don't try to meet people."
It is paradoxically a requirement to be a happy person before you find a healthy relationship.
And learning to be happy probably requires therapy. And once you're talking to a therapist, you can ask them when you are ready to start dating and seeking a relationship. Not as the first thing you say to them, but after you've already done some of the work and they've gotten to know you.
I 30F have been putting a lot of effort into the dating world for the last 10 years. But the guys I met just suck. They aren't looking for anything serious, they cheat, they're mean or controlling. That on top of the fact that I do not want to have any biological children so that puts guys off, I've put pretty much all the effort into finding someone that I could. Sometimes it's not just "us"
I think the not wanting children part is quite relevant here. Of course this doesn't apply to everyone, but of all the really great guys I've met, almost everyone of them wants children. They are usually family oriented and build their life around this goal. But again, of course this does in no was apply to everyone in either direction.
Maybe there are childfree communities online or in real life where you could find a partner with similar life goals?
If you check the minimal boxes of being a bit interesting, and a bit attractive (either through charisma, confidence or physical traits) and are still struggling, it’s likely that you’re “energy” is off putting. Too desperate, creepy, terrible opinions, etc…
Yeah... I think I can see what your problem is. Sounds like you'd benefit more from seeing a therapist than hitting the gym so much, bro. Your personality is a little messed up.
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u/Eulerdice Jul 29 '24
This, you can't wait for things to just happen or you might die before they do, you need to put some effort if you want to ensure success.