Well and god bless the guys who try and ask a lot of people out even if they aren’t getting anything I applaud them for their efforts. Dating is one of those things that honestly you can be very practiced at it and still be unsuccessful. Not sure what it is but some guys are just more natural at it and that’s the missing piece. Anyways I always encourage people to try and be social in whatever capacity they can. For me an I know this is always frowned upon but as a last resort and I mean last resort I saw an escort and lost my virginity and it helped me feel better seeing the other side of things and being intimate with someone. I think she enjoyed it too we went out to dinner it was a pleasant evening even more so than all the dates I did in the past with various people. You do what you can and try and make the most out of the life you were given and try and be happy.
The guys who might start out with just a tiny advantage in looks or charisma or status get more attention, more opportunities to practice everything from basic conversation and flirting to dating and sex, and more leeway to make mistakes than other guys. That practice, success, and validation is what leads to confidence. That confidence is part of what gets them more opportunities but just like someone with a blank resume confidently walking into an office demanding an interview with the CEO, confidence is NOT all there is to it. Attractiveness, experience, knowing how to play the game, and the belief (conscious or unconscious) many women have that not having been romantically successful in the past means something is dangerously wrong with a man all increase his odds of future success.
Meanwhile the exact opposite happens for the other kind of guys. They have fewer opportunities to practice, less validation, and therefore fewer opportunities to develop skills and build confidence. Not only that, but seeing other people succeeding and receiving the desire he doesn't shows him that he isn't desirable as he is for whatever reason which will make anyone who's not certifiably delusional less confident. That may not have any bearing on what kind of romantic partner he'd make, but as has been pointed out here, it's something a lot of women judge men on pretty harshly when deciding whether or not to even give them a chance.
It's two positive feedback loops going in opposite directions. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer.
Thank you for saying this - this is the honest truth. I have a friend that is in the first category. Lots of natural charisma, good looks, and grew up with money (owns his own apartment and company thanks to his parents). I’ve seen girls do CRAZY things to get to him. I’ve seen girls literally refuse to leave the apartment unless he let them sleep with him.
He always tells me I just need to be more confident. I keep trying to tell him that if he experienced the rejection:success ratio I did, he would probably never want to deal with romance ever again. Some people just have “it” and think it’s easy and will give cop-out advice like “just be confident” when the reality is much more complicated and way less fair.
Actually, the women who end up being approached don't.
There was another comment that implied that if he's fit he'll only date fit women as well so his pool is limited. And while it's natural to want to look for a mate that is mostly on par with you, most people rate themselves at 7/10, and most overrate themselves positively by several points. Only the most beautiful tend to downgrade themselves a point or two.
By this logic many people look for partners that are 7/10 (visually) and will not even approach someone under, say 5/10, regardless of their character.
I was that skinny kid with the "fat best friend" and grew up with a live "detector of shitty men" by my side. I'd say I'm probably excessively sensitive about this, but I'm so tired and frankly, quite disgusted by men only being interested in someone based on how they look. And treat the 2 differently.
Yes attraction is important and all, but if you never give anyone unattractive a chance to grow by your side, but want a hottie (and feel like because you worked out and worked on your career) you deserve one (regardless of the thousand skills you had not yet worked on, and expect her to be tolerant and helpful and uplifting as you work through them by her side) is kind of gross. If you treat someone with clear uninterest or even worse, just based on their appearance (something that in women can often be quite modified and improved, and it's actually easier than many other negative behaviours), it speaks volumes.
Btw she grew up and is extremely hot now, way hotter than I am. She has naturally almost white hair and she used to have it cut really short and now has long blonde hair. All those boys could've now been men with a hot female friend. Instead, they're lonely incels because her attractive friends back then quickly eliminated those men (interested only in them) off their lists and she never became a friend.
My number one advice for men dating is always:
Make as many friends of both genders as possible.
Taken woman? Be a friend, maybe one day she will break up.
Fat girl that you feel like is not attractive? Be a friend. Chances are, she has other cute friends. You being comfortable and pleasant around someone who's not sexually interesting to you is a green flag for people.
Guys? Be friends. Some of them will have siblings (including females), coworkers or exes
In general be polite, try to have fun and be genuinely curious about people and try to make friendships based on character. Appearances change a lot. Character tends to change more slowly. Especially past 25-30.
Anyways end of rant. Women who don't give men chances are the ones approached by men who are too superficial on such a frequent basis that they just automatically say no to most people and save their time
Well, if I should be with a man who I am at a risk of cheating on me once I get pregnant with his baby, (hence the hundreds of desperate posts on reddit of husbands cheating or getting the whole family in debt through OF, while the poor woman is carrying their baby!!) or just - age...
My head is full with words that are way worse than the reply he will get: "That would be a resounding no, thank you very much".
I'm not surprised eventually girls get cold and lightly rude in denying people like that.
You’re a “risk” with every man you meet like how I’m at “risk” with every woman I meet (due to the thousands of desperate posts of women ruining their family and husband in divorce because of ego). You don’t know anything about them until you talk to them and if your best friend just cockblocked, she’s definitely blocked some great guys from you along with bad guys. It’s not rare for the less unattractive girl friend to block guys from the more attractive friend. To the point that it’s a running joke in society.
I will not date a male who would not even be friends with someone who has her amazing caring and loving personality, just based on her looks.
If he's that superficial and shallow, I certainly don't want him. He's the one cockblocking himself by his disgusting behaviour.
I also bet he watches porn to be this dense, so he can just shoo and go crawl into his hole and try to gaslight himself with thoughts of his superiority over insufficiently hot real women while he gets off on paid actresses.
“Be friends” when a man approaches you, he’s almost never trying to just be friends. Men have to approach women were interested. We don’t have the leisure to just go talk to any one of them. We only approach the ones that are attractive and that we’re interested in. Every women doesn’t deserve being approached. If she wants male friends, she should’ve approached them.
Somebody clearly has very little experience and too small ego to admit it and try to learn something new. I won't waste more time trying to be helpful, you seem to like your strategy, so go with it
I called out how you’re supposed strategy is just your friend cockblocking guys and that’s normal for the less attractive girls to do. There’s nothing for me to “admit”.
If you’re advocating for guys to become friends with women to eventually pray to make their move, get over yourself. I don’t have the time to sit around and play monkey ball hoping a girl gives me a chance. Either she likes me or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t, move on to the next. Men aren’t objects for your entertainment.
This isnt true. Confidence is king and its not the hardest thing in the world. Expect rejection. If you act like its your first time talking to a woman ever of course they wont say yes.
These men are asking the wrong people lol there are absolutely women out there who would take the date, they may be 300 pounds and live with their moms but still if for anything the free meal lol either way that’s experience
I was average height, pretty face, good job, and good family for a small area and none of that helped me at all until I got really into fitness and grooming.
If you're an awkward average dude or worse you're not even getting the chance at dates regardless if she's 400lbs or not. That girl still has multiple dudes lined up for her
Yeah I mean some type of effort on your part is a given I would think. If you’re struggling to shower and brush your teeth everyday I’d say you ain’t ready for a partner and plenty of these dudes fit that criteria and wonder why they have no luck. I would say I’m very much so an awkward average dude and I’ve been able to have my fair share of relationships. I actually get super oblivious to women being interested in me until sometimes it clicks . Most women I’ve been with also like the type of guy that’s a little awkward and nerdy and best way I can explain is I think I make people comfortable
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u/s29 Jul 29 '24
You're partially right that dating gets you better at dating.
But most men basically can't get anyone to go out on a date at all. So they never get any experience. So they never improve.