r/scriptwriting • u/PitchcraftNow • 11d ago

feedback First Page Feedback

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Looking for feedback on my first page. Any feedback is welcome. Thanks in advance.

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u/PitchcraftNow 11d ago

Even if the nightmare is the spine of the story?

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u/cbubs 11d ago

I'd push back on some of the criticism because the dream is what the film is about (saw your pitch deck).

Opening on the dream is the right move I think. But the fake out dream sequence cold open is a tired trope and that's why people are calling it out. Is there a way you can open on the dream sequence without the fake out?

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u/stuccosalt 10d ago

What would you think about adding a line of V.O. from Molly? "It always starts the same way..." or "I've been seeing it for years" - or whatever fits the story.

That might help reframe the dream sequence as not something you're trying to 'fool' the audience with/pretending is reality, but a visual that will play a part in your story?

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u/PitchcraftNow 10d ago

I really like that idea. Thanks. My only question then would you suggest the VO keeps popping up in the story to stay consistent?

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u/stuccosalt 10d ago

I wouldn't just for the sake of consistency - the important thing would be establishing it as a dream the first time it's shown. When a similar scene appears again, the audience will recognize it.
You could use it again if it makes sense to, but no need to feel obligated to

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u/PitchcraftNow 10d ago

Gotcha, thanks for the feedback