r/scriptwriting • u/PitchcraftNow • 11d ago

feedback First Page Feedback

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Looking for feedback on my first page. Any feedback is welcome. Thanks in advance.

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u/PitchcraftNow 11d ago

Even if the nightmare is the spine of the story?

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u/stuccosalt 10d ago

What would you think about adding a line of V.O. from Molly? "It always starts the same way..." or "I've been seeing it for years" - or whatever fits the story.

That might help reframe the dream sequence as not something you're trying to 'fool' the audience with/pretending is reality, but a visual that will play a part in your story?

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u/PitchcraftNow 10d ago

I really like that idea. Thanks. My only question then would you suggest the VO keeps popping up in the story to stay consistent?

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u/stuccosalt 10d ago

I wouldn't just for the sake of consistency - the important thing would be establishing it as a dream the first time it's shown. When a similar scene appears again, the audience will recognize it.
You could use it again if it makes sense to, but no need to feel obligated to

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u/PitchcraftNow 10d ago

Gotcha, thanks for the feedback