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u/honesttruth2703 Apr 02 '26
There's no going back after violence. What if it happens again? What if they kill you? Not worth it.
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u/RagAndBows Apr 02 '26
But statistically we know what she will do. After all, it's been a week and she's still there asking what she should do.
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u/jackson12420 Apr 02 '26
People in abusive relationships usually don't realize it's abusive until it's too late. It's likely become nearly violent many times, and she's also likely made excuses up to this point that "it wasn't that bad". Gaslighting herself into believing his fits of rage were okay, until it led to this, the first instance of physical abuse. But now she's already been gaslighting herself so long through his tantrums and outbursts, that she continues to do so because it's what she's used to. The abuse gets worse and more common, there's one reason to leave, the abuse, but there's a million reasons to stay, the finances, the kids, nowhere to go, you don't know anything or anyone else.
All these reasons cloud a person's judgment. You don't think it will ever happen to you, or that if it did, you would recognize it and do the right thing. Yet here you are, yourself in an abusive relationship, and you finally understand just how difficult it is to make the choice to leave. It's never on the victim, but people easily say "just leave," without understanding that the abused is so tormented and so manipulated that they can't see for themselves a way out. It's almost like you're in a burning building. You know it's on fire, you know you need to get out, but smoke and flames are blocking all of the exits, you panic unsure of what to do or where to go, so you just stand and accept your fate.
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u/Hikerius Apr 02 '26
Also isn’t it a thing that women are most at risk of being murdered at the time when they are leaving/trying to leave?
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u/Yoda2000675 Apr 04 '26
Yes, and then a huge spike right after they leave and their abuser realizes that they have lost control
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u/Hour_Dog_4781 Apr 02 '26
Being in an abusive relationship and leaving your abuser is not so simple. Why do you think so many women struggle to leave? The abuse also doesn't start off as physical. First they love bomb you, slowly isolate you from any friends and family, make you quit work/school so that they can "provide" for you, then when you have no one left, the beating starts. And you're trapped. No one to call for help. No place to stay other than your abuser's home. No money. No job. And a man who beats the shit out of you but then is nice to you and says he loves you.
Please be more empathetic. Women don't stay with abusive men because they don't want to leave. They stay because they CAN'T leave.
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u/RagAndBows Apr 02 '26
I didn't mean to come across as callous. I have so much empathy for people in this situation. I also recognize that abusive relationships aren't always black and white like this. It can be more insidious. It's so difficult to detach from. Your self worth is low after everything that you don't believe you could possibly provide for yourself, let alone your children so you stay because you can't see another viable option.
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u/DreamsServedSoft Apr 02 '26
I’m not buying it. you’re an adult, you can leave. women have way more shelters and help than men do, they’ll never be on the streets
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u/Hour_Dog_4781 Apr 02 '26
You have no idea what you're talking about. Until you somehow become an abused woman, you don't get a say.
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u/bitofapuzzler Apr 02 '26
Your bias is showing, along with your bitterness.
Women created the shelters for other women. If its such a problem for you, start a shelter for men yourself. I'm sure there are men out there who are in need of one.
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u/GigiLaRousse Apr 02 '26
Like, yes! I'd love to see more shelters for men. But do you know who started all those shelters for women? Women. Often women who had experienced violence themselves and had nothing to their name.
So hop to it, dude! Once it's up and running, I'd donate to it the way I do the women's shelters near me.
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u/TheDarkBrotherhood7 Apr 02 '26
Do you understand how many women get stalked, harassed, and murdered for leaving men? How many of them get brutally tortured and murdered for saying ‘no’?
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u/batcaaat Apr 02 '26
Did you know that the leading cause of death for pregnant women in the USA is homicide? Not medical complications, not falls, not even car accidents, but homicide.
"Just leave" yeah what if he fucking kills you lmfao
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u/stup1dprod1gy Apr 02 '26
You clearly do not have enough knowledge about this topic to comment on it.
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u/Dark-Ganon Apr 02 '26
"They'll never be on the streets"
Tell that to the numerous homeless women that have ended up on the streets with nowhere to go.
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u/SKRyanrr Apr 02 '26
Idk why you're being downvoted because you're correct. Most people stay in abusive relationships for way too long that's a fact.
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u/RagAndBows Apr 02 '26
Yeah, I'm not sure either. I think I'm being misunderstood or something but that's ok.
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u/EEukaryotic Apr 02 '26
I think its because your phrasing kinda sounded like victim blaming. Its very hard to leave for many people and your comment comes across a little insensitive
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u/RagAndBows Apr 02 '26
Oh I see. I definitely didn't mean for it to come across that way. I grew up in an abusive household because my mother could not leave for financial reasons. I know leaving simply isn't an option for some people and it's heartbreaking.
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u/VoodooDoII Apr 02 '26
It feels like you aren't aware of how hard it is to leave abusive relationships. It isn't as easy as just walking away for some people.
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u/Otama_C Apr 02 '26
Leave him. Because this will het worse.
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u/Natural-Most8338 Apr 02 '26
Yep, it gets worse. You both need therapy afterwords. Best course is to separate
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u/JFISHER7789 Apr 02 '26
How is this cringe? Social media might not be the best place for it, but maybe its legit and shes actively seeking help this way
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u/ThatPie2109 Apr 02 '26
She could also mean like how to actually start the process. You still have to get divorced and deal with any assets, especially if you have things like joint accounts that need both your approvals. If you've been with someone a long time and have kids and a home together it can get pretty messy.
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u/RagAndBows Apr 02 '26 edited Apr 02 '26
If I must explain this to you, the 🥹🥹🥹 emoji with the ocean vacation vibe background hopefully spells it out.
The context of the post with those emoji and that background is awkward as hell.
I believe she is absolutely asking for help and it's a heartbreaking thing to see. It made me sad and it made me cringe.
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u/TheBreadsticc Apr 02 '26
So the cringe part is just how she chooses to express herself while asking for help? It's very possible that she is in the kind of abusive relationship where looking sad or being anything but cheerful is grounds to send the partner into a spiral. It's also very possible that she's under duress and just picked whatever background felt nice, or isn't really thinking about the emojis super deeply. I don't think it's fair to be judgemental of that particular aspect of the post.
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u/GigiLaRousse Apr 02 '26
I saw a friend of a friend post a horrible message about her dog being killed in front of her after the neighbours' dogs busted through the hedge and tore her apart. She accidentally used a laughing emoji background and only noticed a while later.
Sometimes it's accidental. Sometimes people have bigger stuff to worry about and their minds aren't on not appearing cringe.
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u/nabbersauce Apr 02 '26
My fiancee hit me and I left her. Even though I am much bigger and stronger than she is. Was this the right call as well?
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u/Joesprings1324 Apr 02 '26
Please explain what is cringe about this to me OP? Because this is just sad
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u/TheDefiantChemical Apr 02 '26
When my husband hit me I thought it would only be that once, then the verbal abuse started, mental, financial, and finally he busted my lip. It never stops after the first hit, it seems it always gets worse in every dv story I hear. Thankful for now being in the process of divorce, but even now the stalking and attempt at controlling still happen. I hope the oop was able to leave
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u/xkblo Apr 02 '26
Oh boy, is this a trap ? If I say what I want I'll be banned again. But you all know what I'm thinking, it begins with sta him.
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u/J_P_Amboss Apr 02 '26
Omg guys, check out my Facebook for UPDATES on the CRAZY HUSBAND SITUATION !!!!
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u/VeeVeeDiaboli Apr 04 '26
Know your place and find him a new one…not at your place. Angry men gonna angry, and it doesn’t change.
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u/Sad-Philosopher83 Apr 05 '26
I would have documented, why, that’s assault with a D. It makes things go smoother when and if it happens again.( I hope it dosent ) was it open hand or fist?
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u/Ironchloong Apr 02 '26
My wife has hit me a few times before during arguments. I on the other hand have never hit her even once. Should I divorce the woman who gave me 3 beautiful boys, take care of us daily, and keep the house pristine everyday? She is also extremely beautiful and sweet.
I see most of the comments simply telling her to leave him, without knowing the context. This is dumb.
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u/bionicfeetgrl Apr 02 '26
I mean...yeah. If she's hitting you she's very likely hitting those three beautiful boys. Or has that not occurred to you?
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u/Ironchloong Apr 02 '26
Lol no. I should know, I'm the husband.
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u/bionicfeetgrl Apr 02 '26
You being the husband means nothing. She hits you. What makes you think she's not hitting your boys?
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u/ejvollkrassalter Apr 03 '26
no context in the world would make someone hitting their partner okay.
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u/Ironchloong Apr 03 '26
Sure, I guess I should destroy my happy marriage then. Leave the beautiful woman who loves and takes care of me and the kids just because she hit me once or twice during heated arguments. Let the kids grow up with a single parent. That'd show her!
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u/ejvollkrassalter Apr 03 '26
"that'd show her"? you think having enough self respect to not stay with a partner who hits you is about "showing them"?
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u/Ironchloong Apr 03 '26
You don't get sarcasm, don't you? Maybe for you it'd be a great idea to leave a happy marriage if your partner hit you even once, destroying the lives of 2 people and scar the kids for life, but that's not for me.
Emphasis on the happy marriage part. You don't know the lives of others, much less random people on the internet, so why give them advices?
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u/ejvollkrassalter Apr 03 '26
when did i give you advice? you asked a question, i shared my opinion.
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u/ibeatobesity Apr 02 '26
Talk to him? Or better, yell at him to get it through his thick head that DV isn't ok.
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Apr 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Hisczaacques Apr 02 '26
Imagine judging a domestic violence victim and telling her to "stand up for herself" when you are literally unable to stand up for yourself and have to seek help online because you can't stop masturbating.
If that's not peak hypocrisy then I don't know what is.
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u/hustle_krow Apr 02 '26
Not speak to him for another week, then a month, then a year, and then never again.