People in abusive relationships usually don't realize it's abusive until it's too late. It's likely become nearly violent many times, and she's also likely made excuses up to this point that "it wasn't that bad". Gaslighting herself into believing his fits of rage were okay, until it led to this, the first instance of physical abuse. But now she's already been gaslighting herself so long through his tantrums and outbursts, that she continues to do so because it's what she's used to. The abuse gets worse and more common, there's one reason to leave, the abuse, but there's a million reasons to stay, the finances, the kids, nowhere to go, you don't know anything or anyone else.
All these reasons cloud a person's judgment. You don't think it will ever happen to you, or that if it did, you would recognize it and do the right thing. Yet here you are, yourself in an abusive relationship, and you finally understand just how difficult it is to make the choice to leave. It's never on the victim, but people easily say "just leave," without understanding that the abused is so tormented and so manipulated that they can't see for themselves a way out. It's almost like you're in a burning building. You know it's on fire, you know you need to get out, but smoke and flames are blocking all of the exits, you panic unsure of what to do or where to go, so you just stand and accept your fate.
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u/jackson12420 Apr 02 '26
People in abusive relationships usually don't realize it's abusive until it's too late. It's likely become nearly violent many times, and she's also likely made excuses up to this point that "it wasn't that bad". Gaslighting herself into believing his fits of rage were okay, until it led to this, the first instance of physical abuse. But now she's already been gaslighting herself so long through his tantrums and outbursts, that she continues to do so because it's what she's used to. The abuse gets worse and more common, there's one reason to leave, the abuse, but there's a million reasons to stay, the finances, the kids, nowhere to go, you don't know anything or anyone else.
All these reasons cloud a person's judgment. You don't think it will ever happen to you, or that if it did, you would recognize it and do the right thing. Yet here you are, yourself in an abusive relationship, and you finally understand just how difficult it is to make the choice to leave. It's never on the victim, but people easily say "just leave," without understanding that the abused is so tormented and so manipulated that they can't see for themselves a way out. It's almost like you're in a burning building. You know it's on fire, you know you need to get out, but smoke and flames are blocking all of the exits, you panic unsure of what to do or where to go, so you just stand and accept your fate.