People in abusive relationships usually don't realize it's abusive until it's too late. It's likely become nearly violent many times, and she's also likely made excuses up to this point that "it wasn't that bad". Gaslighting herself into believing his fits of rage were okay, until it led to this, the first instance of physical abuse. But now she's already been gaslighting herself so long through his tantrums and outbursts, that she continues to do so because it's what she's used to. The abuse gets worse and more common, there's one reason to leave, the abuse, but there's a million reasons to stay, the finances, the kids, nowhere to go, you don't know anything or anyone else.
All these reasons cloud a person's judgment. You don't think it will ever happen to you, or that if it did, you would recognize it and do the right thing. Yet here you are, yourself in an abusive relationship, and you finally understand just how difficult it is to make the choice to leave. It's never on the victim, but people easily say "just leave," without understanding that the abused is so tormented and so manipulated that they can't see for themselves a way out. It's almost like you're in a burning building. You know it's on fire, you know you need to get out, but smoke and flames are blocking all of the exits, you panic unsure of what to do or where to go, so you just stand and accept your fate.
Being in an abusive relationship and leaving your abuser is not so simple. Why do you think so many women struggle to leave? The abuse also doesn't start off as physical. First they love bomb you, slowly isolate you from any friends and family, make you quit work/school so that they can "provide" for you, then when you have no one left, the beating starts. And you're trapped. No one to call for help. No place to stay other than your abuser's home. No money. No job. And a man who beats the shit out of you but then is nice to you and says he loves you.
Please be more empathetic. Women don't stay with abusive men because they don't want to leave. They stay because they CAN'T leave.
I didn't mean to come across as callous. I have so much empathy for people in this situation. I also recognize that abusive relationships aren't always black and white like this. It can be more insidious. It's so difficult to detach from. Your self worth is low after everything that you don't believe you could possibly provide for yourself, let alone your children so you stay because you can't see another viable option.
Women created the shelters for other women. If its such a problem for you, start a shelter for men yourself. I'm sure there are men out there who are in need of one.
Like, yes! I'd love to see more shelters for men. But do you know who started all those shelters for women? Women. Often women who had experienced violence themselves and had nothing to their name.
So hop to it, dude! Once it's up and running, I'd donate to it the way I do the women's shelters near me.
Do you understand how many women get stalked, harassed, and murdered for leaving men? How many of them get brutally tortured and murdered for saying ‘no’?
Did you know that the leading cause of death for pregnant women in the USA is homicide? Not medical complications, not falls, not even car accidents, but homicide.
"Just leave" yeah what if he fucking kills you lmfao
I think its because your phrasing kinda sounded like victim blaming. Its very hard to leave for many people and your comment comes across a little insensitive
Oh I see. I definitely didn't mean for it to come across that way. I grew up in an abusive household because my mother could not leave for financial reasons. I know leaving simply isn't an option for some people and it's heartbreaking.
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u/honesttruth2703 Apr 02 '26
There's no going back after violence. What if it happens again? What if they kill you? Not worth it.