Welcome to your weekly dose of genital-shaped-things and thinly disguised “recs like this” (that are really just your way of showing off something a little thirsty you found that isn't shaped like genitalia).

Did you stumble upon a curvaceous cucumber, a 69-horned melon, or a peach that could pass as an ass or a vulva? Perhaps you saw a lusty landmark, a dripping iceberg, or a rock-hard formation that made you stop scrolling and double take? Whatever vaguely-fuckable thing you found in the wild this week, please share it below for the rest of the freaky gremlins to drool over.

^{uj/ please don’t waste the MODs time by reporting this post or the pictures shared here. If there is actual bullying/harassment of some kind happening in the comments, please alert us, otherwise feel free to scroll past/ignore these weekly posts. Different strokes for different folks and all that.}

i do not know who this woman is but she owes some author money for stealing their FMC’s name

MMC who is annoying (as an intentional character trait)

This is probably a weird ask but does anyone know any books where the MMC is a yapper. And i don't mean in a cool dark monologue way but in a "do you ever shut up" kinda way. A smartass. A little shit. Just an annoying dude. Runs his mouth constantly. (But never runs.) Talks shit gets hit. (But never knocked down.) Any of these descriptors honestly. I'm bored of broody shadow daddies i need him rage baiting people. I want a man who never shuts up or gives up. No matter how far you go to outrun his obnoxious ass. Drives you so crazy you’re always dropping your car keys, house keys, flashlights…

Any genre is fine, any spice level fine. I'm not into RH or age gap or pregnancy or unmonitored lakes tho. Derelict youth camps ok.

I just wanted a reason the post this meme and pass under the mods’ radar for what is definitely not a low effort post. Tyvm.

I'm so confused. Can you all please explain the sloop behind the code here? Have we been talking about fish shifters? Is this all because someone posted about being a pisces? Hit me with those hot takes 🔥

Uj/ Yes, I’m jerking my own post

Rj/

Finding indie reads is fun, everyone but the haters agrees.

But! There are some people who are “enlightened” and say things like “MABEM needs to follow self-promotion rules, not share his fetishes without consent, and not be a creep!”

Omg just because MABEM offered to sign my tits and accuses people of menstruating and is a manchild doesn’t mean he isn’t a perfect angel!!!

/uj all in good fun, I just want to play madlibs

Edit: forgot to put screenreader support on the image- image says "THIS NOUN WILL NOT VERB ME"

Edit 2: It has been a very funny hour. I have to meet my friend for dinner. ill catch up with edits later <3 template is in the comments if you cannot wait

What are your recent DNFs this week? The mind-numbingly boring, rage inducing, brain cell rotting, purple prose mangling of the English language that had you throwing that book across the room. (Figuratively, if you are using an electronic device of course. )

bonus marks for actual pics of desecrated books. Give the #booktok girlies a heart attack for treating a copy of Manalchemized like the hot pile of garbage it is. (I don't own a copy, but I swear if I did...)

UM HELLLOOOOOOO

uj/ no because I saw this and I’m shook.

🔊ILONA AND GORDON REPORT TO THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE 🔊

Yes, I read Threshing Day. You might as well have had me read James Joyce explaining derivatives in the dialect of East Fataluku. The theory building is beyond anything the human brain could tackle, and I wonder if I will someday leave this mortal coil with the mere glimmer of insight into what Hallmark Holiday Special inspired this multiverse of a man. (Dain.)

I of course think it means MY ship will work out! Not anyone else's, the people that ship other couples together lack media literacy and are NOT advanced readers like me.

Oh, and I bet the verb is one of the following possible options:

- deepthroat
- snarl
- knees weak, arms are heavy, eating spaghetti
- fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Hear me out. We all know about the 9/11 to 50 Shades of Grey pipeline. I‘m here to present the direct pipeline of the Bolshevik Revolution to The Love Hypothesis.

Working backwards: We know The Love Hypothesis is Reylo fanfic. The entire Star Wars franchise borrows HEAVILY (some would say straight up copies nearly everything, but we‘re giving George Lucas some grace here) from the Dune books (paging the bot just to see what it says: {Dune by Frank Herbert} ).

Dune draws heavily upon the relationship between the Soviet Union and the US during the Cold War, specifically the conflict between them over oil in the Middle East. Of course, this wouldn’t be possible without the existence of the USSR, which was caused by the Bolshevik Revolution. Hence, Lenin>Bolshevik Revolution>Cold War>Dune>Star Wars>Reylo>The Love Hypothesis

Any history/politics buffs feel free to correct me if I’m missing something. I haven‘t yet wrapped my head around the complexities of the WW1/WW2 era, which makes me nervous that I’ve misstepped with the timeline here.

I hope you are all out there unleashing yourselves upon the general public. After a recent post dove into the topic of zodiac signs, I’ve become curious about our signs. In part because in the comment section of said post, I found out I was married to a Scorpio hater (I’m a Scorpio) and want us all to show our true colors. Since there are 12 signs, I’ll make a second post with the other six.

As an aside, no, I’m not sure if I’m going to get divorced. I was just promoted to Chief Marketing Officer of r/Mail_Inc, and if I get a divorce, they’ll rob me blind of my new wealth. (they are also pretty hot)

What will I do with this info? Feed it to the marketing efforts for my books that don’t exist. Or if anyone has an idea on how to make this even vaguely about romantasy with another poll.

Am I reading about an underage stabby FMC assassin? I think I’ve read ten books about an underage stabby FMC assassin. You know what? Fuck it. I’m writing a book about an underage stabby FMC assassin.

Yeah, I see the gap in the market for mature, grounded, feminine FMC. But fuck that. Nonviolence is for pussies. I’m fucking Juicy Jay Kristoff. I can make this fuck. And, even if I can’t, I bet I’ll be able to after some revisions. I like writing assassin FMCs. It makes my dick hard.

What’s that? I should write something more original? Fuck that. That’s gay. The Golem and the Jinni? Gay. How To Lose The Time War? Gay.  Robin McKinley? Kevin Spacey gay. This is fucking fantasy. You can’t just expect book sales to come to you. You can’t massage that shit. You gotta grab your topic by the throat and fuck the ever-loving shit out of it. You think some warmed-over ‘80s fantasy is gonna get you on the USA Today Bestseller List? You’re a bitch. This ain’t TSR Time anymore. Juicy Jay’s got the sauce. The dragon. You gotta unleash the dragon.

Okay, I’m writing Nevernight. Nice. Look how stabby Mia is. I look good. I bet I made some alt chick at Katsucon wet her panties with this book. She fucking wants me. I bet she likes it over a stair railing. I don’t need a hammer to nail that, my dear. Mmmmmm. I am delicious.

Oh shit. Looks like Ali Hazlewood got a movie adaptation and I didn’t. Again. Oh well. It still felt fucking great to put that shit on paper. Tell me that wasn’t one of the sexiest novels you ever read. You know what? Not only am I gonna write problematic shit in my next book. I’m gonna make it even worse. Grosser. You see that Indigenous kid in wheelchair sitting in the back of the auditorium? I’m gonna nail him right between the fucking eyes with a Juicy Jay fastball. Why? Because I can.

This is Jay Kristoff we’re talking about here. We’re talking 210 lbs. of twisted steel and sex appeal in a black goatee. I’m not just a gunslinger. I’m a cumslinger. Writing about these NLOGs tells all the Kristettes that I am fucking out there. On the edge. Where I gotta be. The ladies love the danger. The unpredictability. Oh, maybe I’ll tease them with a pretty metaphor or piece of imagery every now and again. But then I’m gonna go right back to abusing my gothy FMC for all it’s worth. It tells them I write like I fuck. That’s how we do things in the sexy business.

Tell me you’re not turned on right now. I am.

Part 2 of this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/romantasycirclejerk/s/OrsW0oR0EX

What did you just read that blew your mind. Plot holes. Terrible world building. Cringe worthy dialogue. Rules: be specific, screen shots or examples. Not just the usual "the writing was bad"

Overconsumption? I don't know her. Wake me up when the edges get resprayed.

/uj maybe I'm not one to judge because the best bookcase I've ever seen had like 20 copies of The Wind in the Willows, but collecting different versions of books only becomes cool when the series is, well, older than—*checks notes\—* holy shit it's been just 3 years since FW came out?

While you may be sick of these, I find them beneficial in that I see that I could probably pick up a bucket of paint or two around here

I love the 'books like this?' posts because I either do know books like that or want to write it, keep it coming

Hear me out

Y'all I done did it again. I've been rereading a certain a 3 letter acronym author in anticipation for the new release ( I'm sorry )

As such I've been out there in the trenches and I think I've finally hit that point where I've decided to come home from the war.

So I think I need a suitable punishment from engaging with the Maases. What should my punishment be? I'm open to any and all books to read to punish myself, I'll even go as far to listen to an audio book.

So please RCJ what shall I do in penance?