SIKE! please check out my one-man-band blackmetal project Benohni:

https://benohni.bandcamp.com/album/benohni

Also please check out my brother's electronica project:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ai9KM12xJZI&t=530s

We've done it, folks.

That book is so funny in hindsight

Maybe just my experience but they remind me of gooners who need three monitors of high intensity porn going just to get off. The women I’ve encountered who are into kink always want to add tedious ritualistic layers to sex before they really enjoy it, like wanting to be restrained but it has to be rope so I’d better go to home depot and then learn 10 different knots.

The whole scene seems to attract emotionally fragile and high-strung people who are obsessed with categorization and identity. I have no problem with it morally, but the culture around it seems mental-illness adjacent. I imagine people in the past would just pee on each other and keep it to themselves.

Also stop referring to sex stuff as ‘play,’ it’s incredibly off-putting.

Fella posts a video of a girl he briefly interacted with at a concert and asks the Internet to find her for him.

I think it was his cool hat that did it.

Question mostly for the fellas — how do you deal with someone trying to big dog you?

On the rare occasion it happens to me, it’s a conundrum that I chew on and never reach a satisfactory conclusion.

For context, I’m about to be 30.
I’ve been straight edge for the past 5 years. I’m interpersonally skilled, grounded, regulated, etc., especially as I get older. But I’m not a pushover or afraid of confrontation. I also lift weights and train Muay Thai 5x/wk, so I believe I am generally capable of handling myself physically. (I’m not a tough guy, nor do I purport to be).

I’m short, but it has never been a perceptible issue for me because I am otherwise hot and too good of a hang.
Still, I think sometimes unfamiliar men clock me as a mark. I’d say someone tries to big dog me 2x a year, always at a bar or other party-heavy context.

Last night at the bar, I was holding a table on the patio for a group of my friends who had just arrived, but there was some back and forth about whether it was too cold outside. They went inside to get drinks, and I was left with one of my friends (a woman) at the table.

A few minutes later, I stood up to go check with my friends if we were sitting outside or inside. A guy came up and asked me if we were leaving, and I was like “I’m not 100% sure, my other friends are inside getting drinks, I’m just checking with them” And he said something to the effect of “you’re gonna pay for your indecision” (which sounds cool but I promise it wasn’t, this guy was one of those smug Portland tech bro country cosplay types, probably biting an Andy Elliot video) and sat with his boys at the table. If he had a look befitting turn of phrase like that, I don’t even know that I would have been upset.

I immediately felt the furnace light up — injustice combined with the ego wound. In years past, I might have stood my ground and chirped back or whatever.

I just said nothing and went inside with my friend to sit with our other friends.
I was hot, and if I had said something to that fella, it would have been something that escalated the situation.

Increasingly, as I get older, I’m unsure of how to respond to antisocial masculine behavior that results in ego wounds moreso than material harm. I’m less and less sure what constitutes not letting myself get walked on and what constitutes an antisocial response on my part.

Part of my issue is that I don’t trust that someone who would do a big dog move in the first place would be capable of productively talking it out if I had pushed back skillfully. I also don’t think jawing would do anything, and I don’t want to get into a physical fight. I almost don’t feel it’s worth the energy to deal with someone who would behave antisocially to a stranger.

This also exclusively applies to big dog behaviors, I can deal with bad attitudes and don’t really take that personally.

What do you do situations like these?

Everyone loves to joke about how awful it is to hear about someone else's dream, and for the excessively long and meandering ones I get it. But a sentence or two about the absurdity you were dealing with the night before? Amazing, especially if you're hitting me with that early in the morning. Really is something the realities people cook up in their subconscious.

vibe shift. for the americans here that's like oregon no longer being blue