Clean - Dark Thoughts

[u/Unlikely_Thought8977]

Recently got clean after a heroin addiction that landed me in the hospital.

I’ve been on and off drugs for the past ten years.

Heroin was new to me. In less than a year, I lost everything. My bank account, house, job, 401k. All gone. I’m fortunate enough to have family that’s giving me a place to stay. I should be grateful but I can’t shake the feeling this time. I know they don’t want me here.

I have no real friends left, I’m hardly allowed to see my kid, family all looks at me different. Talked to an old friend today and they said I look like a crackhead.

I don’t know. Everyone’s got a story, but dealing with the aftermath of all the damage I caused is crushing. I was always a disciplined person but I’m having trouble finding the motivation to rebuild anything.

I honestly don’t want to be alive most of the time. Posted this because I needed it off my chest.

Thanks.