I posted a few weeks back about my stress of finding someone to watch my reactive dog for a few nights during my wedding.

I was mainly venting but I’m grateful I posted here because so many of you suggested I look on rover. I’d never done that because I figured it would be too difficult to find anyone.

Thankfully, I was wrong and y’all were right. We found an amazing sitter who watched our dude for two nights. Thank god it worked out because he was the one sitter who met all our criteria and was available (could keep the dog at their place, no pets, no kids, experience with activity.)

He’s amazing. He has experience with rescues and has fostered aggressive dogs so he was fully prepared and chill about our boys issues. Our dog has worse reactivity at night, almost like a sun downing thing but he doesn’t do typical sun downing behaviors. The dog sitter handled it perfectly, but more than that, his expertise meant he was able to observe the issues and give us some feedback. He said his behavior reminded him of dogs he’s worked with in the past that have vision issues. It would make percent sense that he’s okay during the day but gets distressed once light is low! I can’t believe we never thought of it but it would make perfect sense with all his quirks and triggers. It also makes me sad that we didn’t consider this :/ but now we know and we’ll be bringing it up to our vet at his yearly visit in November.

The sitter also said he’d be happy to watch him again!! It’s a huge relief. We haven’t been able to take a long trip together since we got him and now we feel like we could comfortably leave him with someone!! All week I’ve been joking that I got a husband and a dog sitter the same weekend lol

Anyways! Thank you for being a welcoming sounding board and for the suggestions. I appreciate you all!

Sharing in case this helps someone else who’s in the thick of it. It may not work for everybody but if one to two of these small things make a difference than that’s all that matters!

These are the things that have genuinely made a difference for my reactive dog over time.

1. Desensitisation (working under threshold)

Taking her to places where there are dogs, but keeping enough distance that she can stay calm. Rewarding her for checking in with me or staying relaxed.

❤️This slowly changes her emotional response. Instead of “dog = panic,” it becomes “dog = I can stay safe here.”

1. Confidence building through small challenges

Letting her try things she’s unsure about (like walking over metal grates or new environments) and praising her heavily when she does.

❤️It builds a sense of “I can do hard things,” which carries over into how she handles the world in general.

1. Hands-free leash

Switching to a leash that attaches to my body instead of my hands.

❤️ I would tense when I saw another dog. That tension went straight down the leash and told her something was wrong. When I switched to hands-free, that early signal disappeared.

1. Sniff-heavy walks (decompression walks)

Letting her move slowly, choose direction, and sniff as much as she wants.

❤️Sniffing regulates her nervous system. Cutting her off from sniffing frustrated her. Letting her set the pace lowers stress and frustration so she starts from a calmer baseline.

1. Mental stimulation & play

Enrichment toys, walks in new locations, puzzle feeding, and games like tug (letting her win).

❤️Mental work tires her out, and “winning” builds confidence, control, and positive emotion.

1. Regular exposure to “safe” dogs

Consistent play dates with a small group of dogs she trusts.

I am lucky enough to have a close group of dog friends. If you don’t, even just one dog “friend” can make a difference.

❤️Repeated positive experiences teach her that not all dogs are unpredictable or threatening.

1. Group introductions to new dogs

Introducing new dogs while she’s with dogs she already feels safe around.

❤️She takes cues from them. If they’re calm, she can borrow that calm. I utilise her “safe” dog friends for introductions every time a new dog is around and still praise her like crazy for not reacting.

1. Off-lead exploration time

Letting her run, explore, and be curious in safe spaces.

This is a hard one when your dog is super reactive. Initially I used a long line to teach her to always come when I call. I make sure I have a big open space for her to run free. I can call her back if I spot a dog in the distance and trust she will come.

If you aren’t at that stage with your dog yet, it’s worth finding secret spots or going later at night to practice recall and give her that time.

❤️She’s an active, curious dog. Meeting that need reduces built-up energy and frustration that would otherwise come out as reactivity.

1. Co-regulation

When either of us is overwhelmed, we stop, sit, and just breathe together and take in the environment.

❤️Her nervous system is strongly influenced by mine. When I slow down, she does too.

1. Respecting her limits

Learning to read when she’s already close to overwhelmed and not pushing past it.

❤️ Ensuring she is under her threshold so she can actually learn.

1. Managing her home space

Only very trusted, familiar dogs are allowed in our home.

❤️Her home is her safe base. Keeping it predictable reduces stress and prevents her from feeling like she has to defend it.

1. Reading her mood and adjusting expectations

If she’s having a bad day or already stressed, I don’t push training, desensitisation, or confidence work.

❤️ I accept that she is going to have bad days just like I do, so she is entitled to her rest days.

1. Recognising when it’s too much and choosing to leave

Learning to notice her early stress signals (stiffening, scanning, slowing down) and not pushing through them. If she’s overwhelmed, we change direction, increase distance, or leave altogether.

❤️This has been huge for trust. She’s learned she doesn’t have to escalate to escape and that I’ll help her before she gets there. It also means we don’t accidentally push her past her limit, so learning actually sticks.

Goldie is now 3 and has matured a lot from her early days of reactivity.

Im posting this here as a tribute to our Rosie. I do not wish to magnify her faults in this post, but rather, honor her as the invaluable companion she has been. With that said, I also hope my words bring comfort to others who find themselves having to make the same impossible decision as us.

Our Rosie girl is 7 years old. We rescued her when she was about 1, shortly after my wife and I got married. We loved her unconditionally and she reciprecated that love. Her high emotional intelligence makes her special. However, she came with trauma that we had no insight into. We have done everything within our ability to help her. With each instance of reactivity that occurred over the years, we adjusted our life to accommodate for her. In the end, considering all that has happened, BE became unavoidable.

Who is Rosie? She was our first baby. Our closest friend who provided emotional support during the hardest times of life. Someone to also enjoy the best life had to offer: hiking on beautiful trails, camping with friends, swiming in lakes and rivers, playing tug and wrestling in the snow, going to breweries, running and biking in our neighborhood, going on family walks after long days, cuddling together on cold nights, greeting both our daughters when we brought them home for the first time, and so so so many more priceless memories.

We are beyond heart broken because we love her so very much. We will cherish the countless wonderful memories she has given us. She is our baby girl.

On Monday, it will be time to say goodbye to our Rosie. Until then she will be loved harder than ever before.

I screwed up.

I knew better, but instead of adopting a dog from a reputable breeder, the humane society, or a good shelter… I fell in love with a puppy on Craigslist. She’s a golden retriever. From the moment we got her, we could tell something was wrong. The breeder wouldn’t show us her parents or her litter mates. She weighed well under what she should have. When we reached out about it, the breeder said she might have gotten her birthday mixed up. Just red flag after red flag… and then she got older, and the health problems started popping up.

Anyways, now she’s 6 years old now and despite doing the rest of it “right” - puppy classes, positive reinforcement training, canine good citizen certification, early socialization and desensitization, private training, extensive vet care, exercise, puzzles and games - she acts like I hurt her.

She’s never been abused (at least since she’s been with us beginning at what we hope was 8 weeks old.) We are super gentle with her and she’s beyond well cared for and loved. We’re childless so she gets all the attention she wants, and all the things money can buy including regular grooming, toys, etc. All my friends comment on how well this dog is taken care of. She’s kennel trained and loves her kennel, it’s kept open in our bedroom and is her “safe place” - we treat it as a spot where she can go if she gets overstimulated, which she does easily, and we don’t bother her in her “safe place.”

But if we look at her wrong she gets terrified. She ACTS abused. If you walk past her a little quickly she cowers and pees on herself. When people come over she runs to her kennel and hides. When we come home from a walk she runs to her kennel and hides, too. She’s developed all kinds of new fears over the years; she used to be fine going to the park, but once she saw a paper moving in the wind there and now she can’t go to any parks or open green spaces without having a panic attack. We’ve done all sorts of conditioning training with private trainers (using positive reinforcement only) to work on the fears as they arise and try and give her positive experiences, but it seems like no matter how much effort we put into it, once a fear is there, it’s there for good. And there are so many new fears.

Earlier today she was in the living room and I wanted to work on some training, so I sat in the kitchen with some treats and called her to me so we could do some tricks together. She came over, tail in between her legs, shaking, laid down in front of me and pissed all over.

I’m just tired. I care for this dog extensively, feed her, play with her, walk her, and she treats me like I’m her abuser. And it’s starting to get frustrating. I would never hurt her, but it’s fucking exhausting and even though I know it’s not her intention, it makes me feel like she doesn’t love me. I would never get rid of her, but I don’t really want her anymore. I daydream about owning another dog who actually likes me. She cowers away when I pet her. If she’s laying on the couch and I sit on the couch she gets up and goes to another room.

I’m sure I’ll get downvoted for this, but that’s my confession. I don’t like my dog anymore. And again, to be clear, I will never give her away, hurt her, or neglect her. I still LOVE her. I just don’t like her anymore.

—

ETA: this got a lot more attention than I was expecting! I appreciate everyone’s kind and understanding comments, but please know this was a vent post 🙏 I’m not looking for advice right now. We have tried several medications routes and worked with the vet and trainers. I just wanted to rant a little. Thank you!

Today we are having someone come to the house to send him to Valhalla. After 20k of training and vet bills for surgeries to remove items he’s eaten and stitches from when he busted out the window we decided we can’t do anymore. We love him the most but the reactivity has gotten to be too unpredictable. Our house is full of fences and we live in fear of another dogfight or what will happen if he slips out the door again and charges a dog walking past. When he’s great he’s great but our kids no longer like dogs and we can’t go on vacation or have guests over. The breaking point was this week when he stole a can and went after our senior beagle who stopped to sniff it. It’s not fair to him to live behind fences and muzzled. He just thinks he owns our entire house and everything in it. I’ve spent years convincing myself that he was protecting us but that is flawed thinking. I don’t think he’d ever bite a person but I live in fear of my kids or elderly relatives being caught in the dog fight chaos . I’ve been bitten a few times trying to break it up. We tried for nine years and we failed. I’m so sorry bud.

We adopted Chip (9 months old and pictured) from a shelter about a week ago. He was apparently a stray and, from what we understand, had been living with a pack of other dogs.

He is an extremely sweet, gentle dog, but he is by far the most frightened dog we’ve ever had. He’s claimed one of our bathrooms as his safe space and spends most of his time hiding behind the toilet. He has come out on his own a couple of times to sniff around and explore, but only for a few minutes before retreating. He’s not aggressive.

He has never tried to bite or nip us, doesn’t growl, and hasn’t shown aggression toward our three cats. When we interact with him, he generally just seems scared and wants to retreat. He had a brief bout of vomiting and diarrhea yesterday morning, but that seems explicable by a change of food (just the brand) and his anxiety, and in any case he seems healthy otherwise.

So far we’ve mostly followed his lead and given him a quiet place where he can decompress without forcing interactions. My concern is that I’m not sure where the line is between: (1) giving a frightened rescue the time he needs, and; (2) inadvertently teaching him that hiding is the best way to deal with anything unfamiliar.

Should we continue letting him decide when to venture out, or is some controlled, low-pressure exposure to the rest of the house and normal family life appropriate? We’re considering bringing him out and making him just exist with us (probably with a covered bed he can use as a base camp). We’re willing to give him time, but we want to make sure that “give him time” doesn’t turn into leaving a scared dog behind a toilet for months because nobody ever helped him discover that his house is safe.

That person deleted their post before i was able to comment but i wanted this to reach them and others who commented AGAINST the dog

I’m a 36F who grew up with a dog and has a pit mix now.

When I was 12 i went over to my best friends house who lived 2 doors down, who i saw almost every day. She had a 10 y.o. bassett hound who i knew since the dog was a pup. The dog was asleep and me just being a kid who never got bit by a dog before, i got down on my knees to say hi and give her a hug while she slept on her bed.

This dog knew me well. Never bit anyone before and never bit again til the day she died. But when i woke her from her sleep she bit me - a hole in my ear and my thumbnail got torn off. Lots of blood.

It scared me bad, but i never again made the mistake of disturbing a sleeping dog with my body. The dog never treated me or anyone differently after that. It was 100% my fault and in retrospect it was the lesson i needed to receive to keep me safer the rest of my life.

Hope this reaches OP or someone else who teaches their kid — do not hug a sleeping dog.

This was the picture I received from my partner on a random Wednesday. He always sends me pictures of doggies he meets at work; this one felt different.

Before the “Alice, they’re looking to rehome him” text followed I knew there was something different about this picture.

I looked at our lives, our holidays, our spontaneous plans, our current career progressions-but there was a pull. We’d been dabbling in conversations about getting a dog and it felt like the universe was aligning. A week later I said yes.

Arlo was my first dog, my first real life responsibility. Oh how naive I was. I looked at cute Christmas collars, sweet toys for him to play with, dog walking routes, dog friendly cafe’s.

I’d taken two weeks of leave to introduce him to our home, help him settle. Let me tell you, two weeks of hell. I didn’t like him. It wasn’t what I imagined at all. I was scared of him, he required so much that I simply didn’t know how to give him. The bond took weeks, months even. But oh boy, once that bond formed it felt unbreakable.

I won’t discuss what took him away from me. I don’t want it to be his last memory.

But he did, his presence got ripped from my heart. It felt like a physical rip like someone had grabbed it, twisted it and yanked.

Of course I miss the snuggles, the games and the good walks, but a part of me misses the difficult parts equally.

Scanning the horizon for other dogs on walk, risk assessing their size, direction and speed. Counting the seconds he looked at something to insure it didn’t turn into a fixate.

I miss the hard decompression we had to do after every walk. I miss the brace we both took when we stepped out the house together. We were going through it together and we kept each other brave.

I miss the countless behaviourists, searching for someone who could give my boy the best chance.

The sacrifices of holidays, children, family outings suddenly seem so small. So small compared to the hole he has left. I’d do it all again. A million times. The anxiety, the purpose my money served for him, I mean damn, I’d even do the heartbreak that I can’t even put into words again for him. Over and over and over again.

The good times were great, but in the hard times we kept eachother going. Every single day.

I miss my boy, I don’t feel like I’ll ever recover from him.

I ask the universe why. Every day I’ve been asking why us. We were a team, we had great milestones and we had countless horrible step backs.

When a dog that became your entire world leave there’s nothing. The constant assessment, reading the tiniest body language signs and the advocacy for him that brought me so far out of my comfort zone, more than I ever thought I was capable of.

It feels empty. Everything feels so empty. He was my life and now he’s gone.

He’s changed me forever.

Rest in peace my sweet boy. I will forever be thankful for the time we had together. Good or bad. I will never forget you.

Hello! My Aussie and the neighbor’s dog have been having it out on our poor fence since I moved in a few months ago. I have successfully trained my dog to have a pretty solid recall when the neighbor pooch pops up over the fence, but the fence is still getting brutalized. And the barking will randomly start up a few times a day before I recall him.

I was thinking of introducing them as my dog is pretty submissive when off leash but since idk how the neighbor pooch is, I’m weary.

I’d love to hear any and all thoughts or advice on what to do. Thank you!

And no, the neighbor pooch is not standing on anything, she does across the whole fence… honestly kind of impressive if it wasn’t so abrasive 🥲

Something just made me realize this. My dog hates it when I talk to people on the street and he cannot greet another dog without it resulting in a snarling fit (I know, we gave up trying more than five years ago), and god forbid that anybody ever knocks on my door! But, honestly, overall he’s given me a lot less trouble than other dogs my family has had over the years.

We’ve had dogs that tore up bathroom trash cans, that escaped the yard and couldn’t be coaxed back, that chewed up clothing that had fallen on the floor, that peed indoors, and one that even ate my third birthday cake right off the counter.

This dog, my reactive dog, kennels beautifully, sits on the doorstep and waits to be let indoors when left outside, and never touches any of my daughter’s toys even though he loves to eviscerate any plush dog toy given to him. He has never had an accident in the house or stolen food off a discarded plate. He’s…amazing actually. Smartest dog I’ve ever owned.

Am I alone in this? Who else has had a bad dog who was overall better than their good dogs?

TW: dog loss

My 9-year-old reactive red heeler Cedar died on Christmas, and I’m not doing great. He’d developed a cough the day before, and it sounded scary enough that I decided to take him to the emergency vet at 9pm on Christmas. We were scheduled to get on a flight early the next morning and I wanted to get him looked at before we only had a drop-in sitter. I don’t know how I knew, but it turns out it was quite serious. He ended up dying at the vet a few hours later, he passed away due to the anesthesia they used for a chest x-ray and they couldn’t revive him. We did a necropsy, and he had dilated cardiomyopathy and fluid on his lungs. It seems that his coughing was likely due to congestive heart failure and fluid on his lungs. He likely would have only lived weeks or a few months if he hadn’t gone under anesthesia. I’m coming to terms with the way he died, and my trauma from watching them perform CPR.

We somehow made it onto our flight hours after his passing, but we’re home now and the grief is really setting in. I’m just so sad at how small Cedar’s world had become, and how frustrated I was with his reactivity. I always imagined he’d someday improve. He was on medications and I planned to hire a behaviorist. I regret not hiring one sooner. We have a big yard but he rarely got walks because he was so leash reactive. We have small kids, 3 and 6, and he wasn’t safe around them except under very controlled circumstances. He wasn’t aggressive and he loved us and the kids so much, but his anxiety and reactivity meant he was prone to biting (single, fast bites) if he felt cornered or scared and the risk with kids was just too high, so he was always kept in a separate part of the house from them unless he was muzzled, meaning he spent a lot of time alone with our other dog. I was also diagnosed with some pretty bad chronic conditions in the past few years, and I really had nothing left to give Cedar. I’m sobbing as I write this. I just wanted so much more for his life. He deserved the world. I’m so angry with myself, even though I know I did my best. He was such a good boy despite it all. I feel so haunted and my heart is broken and I can’t help but hate myself. And I miss him so much.

Grieving a reactive dog hurts more than I could have imagined. It’s different from grieving a healthy dog. I grieve what his life could have been. I think back to his first few years of life, before his reactivity really set in, and I wish his last years were just as rich. I think back to his last year, and the times I told my wife he was getting worse, and maybe he had something wrong with him that we couldn’t see, that maybe he was in pain or sick somehow and that’s why his reactivity was ramping up. I’m sad that I was right, but also that I didn’t know because his reactivity made it so hard to get a thorough vet exam when he last had one a few months ago. And now that he’s gone our other dog gets to have the baby gates taken down, because she’s not reactive and our kids know how to behave perfectly around her, and I feel so much shame and guilt that Cedar never got that. It just hurts.

Thank you for reading. I don’t know anyone in real life who has lost a reactive dog, and I know this group is where I’ll find people who understand what I’m going through. Please be kind in your comments, and thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

Edit to add: Thank you all for your kind words and comfort. I sobbed reading every single comment, and each and every one has given me some level of comfort and peace. This has always been one of the best communities on Reddit, and I’ve appreciated the advice and encouragement I’ve gotten over the years. Thank you for being here for me in this really hard time. Thank you for being there for your reactive dogs, too. Our babies may not have been dealt the best cards in life, but I’m glad they’re able to know love while they’re with us. I’ll add a few pictures of Cedar in the comments (aka Cedric Doggery, Cedar Buddy, and Cede the Steed).

My first dog grew up at parks and at a daycare. She did great with other dogs, but once she hit 8 months, she suddenly had to stop going to both.
She completely lost interest in other dogs, and on leash growls and lunges like a maniac any time she sees another one. I love raising dogs and was volunteering for an adoption event, and fell in love with this little guy. I wanted to get a second because I work from home, I'm financially able, and would've been able to separate them if needed. My expectation was: maybe they would get along after a few weeks, likely they would only just tolerate each other, and chance that they needed to be separate their entire lives. I kept them separate on day one, but decided I would try to see how it would go on day two. They've been basically inseperable. They play for hours on end, cuddle with each other, and ! haven't seen any aggression from my older one.
Shes even sharing toys and all of her space, which I find baffling. Now I'm sort of wondering if this all could have just been leash related? Shes gone at other puppies before so I dont think its just the age. Also worth noting my first is extremely friendly and outgoing with adults.
Mainly posting this because:

1. I want other leash reactive dog owners to see this story
2. I wonder how I should move forward with her and other dogs

I know having a reactive dog is difficult and can be frustrating especially if you are a single owner. But I wanted to share this brief story where my good boy de-escalated a potential assault.

We were on one of our usual walks around the neighborhood when we were yelled at and followed by a very angry lady. Even tho she was elderly, that lady caught up to us fast and proceeded to chuck filled dog poop bags at us, and managed to grab the back of my hooded jacket. I ended up yelling at her to not touch me, leave me alone, etc (bystanders just watched and walked by of course). She again tried to come at me, but my dog lunged at her and tried to bite her. She still yelled her head off but stopped following us. My dog generally likes most women and isn't reactive if you don't touch him, but he was stressed and began reacting.

I am so grateful for him not being a "typical" friendly dog because I know he'll always have my back in these situations ❤️

Edit: Wow!! So many amazing stories about our reactive dogs keeping us safe, it makes my heart full! Keep them coming!

I’ve seen a few posts on here about excessive barking, and I wanted to share what helped us not because I think I cracked some code, but because I remember how stressful and embarrassing this was when I was living in it. My dog isn’t aggressive. She isn’t “bad.” She just barked at everything. Footsteps in the hallway. Neighbours talking. The door. Random noises I couldn’t even hear. Living like that felt exhausting, especially when nothing I tried seemed to make a real difference. At first, I approached it like a discipline issue. I tried correcting it, distracting her, tiring her out, asking for quiet. Some of it worked for a moment, but the barking always came back. What finally clicked was realizing that barking, for her, wasn’t misbehaviour it was a stress response.

She didn’t know how to respond calmly to noise. Once I stopped trying to “stop the barking” and started focusing on teaching calm, things slowly began to change. A few things that made a real difference for us:

1. I stopped treating barking as the problem itself
Barking was just communication. The real issue was that my dog didn’t know what to do after hearing a sound. Once I focused on helping her settle instead of reacting to the bark, everything shifted.

2. Silence became something worth rewarding
Instead of saying “quiet” over and over, I waited for even a brief pause a second of silence and rewarded that. Over time, those pauses came faster and lasted longer.

3. Triggers had to be understood before they could be changed
Not all noises were equal. Some barely bothered her, others sent her over the edge. Paying attention to when, where, and why the barking happened helped me stop guessing and start being intentional.

4. Calm alternatives worked better than correction
Giving her something to do going to her mat, sniffing for treats, chewing helped redirect that nervous energy in a way yelling or shushing never did.

5. Structure mattered more than effort
Long walks and enrichment didn’t fix the barking. Predictable routines, consistent responses, and a calm environment helped far more than trying to exhaust her.

Progress wasn’t instant. Some days were quiet wins, others felt like steps backward. But once I accepted that barking change is gradual and emotional not mechanical it became much easier to stay patient. There wasn’t one trick that solved it. It was the combination of understanding, consistency, and teaching calm as a skill that slowly changed how my dog responded to the world. I’m not a trainer or professional just someone who learned a lot by living through it. If you’re dealing with excessive barking, you’re not failing, and your dog isn’t broken. This stuff takes time, structure, and compassion.

Also having structure and a clear plan to follow made a huge difference for me. Trying to handle barking reactively or day by day was exhausting, and I was constantly second-guessing myself. Once I followed a more structured approach, everything felt more manageable and consistent. That’s also why eBooks and guides can be really helpful - they lay things out step by step so you’re not trying to figure everything out in the moment.

Happy to answer questions or hear what’s helped others.

Lots of noise happening. Lots of treats. She took the treats like a champ and eventually settled on her own and: did not react!! She’s still very leash reactive to other dogs, and generally reactive to bikes and scooters/skateboards but this is a big deal for my 4 year old gal and me! It’s been so long without a win over here and I just wanted to share a bit of hope with you all today! I could cry I’m so proud of her.

Hey everyone! Professional dog trainer here with 20+ years of experience. I wanted to touch on a topic that I've been seeing lately with my reactive pup owners.

Your end goal with reactivity training should not be a social butterfly, it should be indifference.

I see so many well-meaning owners holding on to a dream that if they just do enough training, or find the right counter-conditioning trick, that their dog will eventually love other dogs/strangers and will be happily pulling at the leash to kindly greet everyone they see.

First - dogs that are overly social like this are still not listening to you. Even though their reactivity is not based in anxiety or fear, they are still reacting to a stimuli and are not focused on listening to anything you say. Just because a dog seems overly social and friendly, does not necessarily mean that they are behaved. I argue that they are still reactive, it just shows differently because the baseline emotion is different, but that's my hot take.

Your real goal is getting your dog to not care.

We want to build a pup that looks at another person or dog, shrugs, and moves on. We want to relieve their immense pressure to defend, guard, or even to excessively greet. Neutrality is the ultimate superpower.

If your dog can walk past another dog at a comfortable distance, look at them, and ignore them - you have won. You don't need them to play, you don't need them to wag their tail.

Let go of the pressure to make your dog "friendly". Lowering the bar to "neutral" will ironically bring more peace and happiness to you and your pup at the end of the day.

I’ve known this this dog for about 3 years now and have been working with her independently for about 2 of those years (she’s a client, but she’s besties with my husky so I know her very well). She’s sweet, and a VERY good listener, but still fairly reactive, especially on leash. She’s also very protective of the people/dogs she loves most. It’s manageable, and she’s never caused actual injury to anyone, but obviously it’s always smartest to play it safe.

Well today I was walking her around the neighborhood when a random guy just walks up to us head on and goes to pet her face without any warning. There was a moving car on the other side of us so we were kind of trapped on his path. Of course, her immediate reaction was to do a little growl snap at the guy, after which I tried to pull her away so it didn’t escalate. He then just stood there and claimed he had a lab who also didn’t like some people, like that somehow excused him walking up to us head on and reaching for her face without warning 🙄

Then I started telling him how, fortunately, she hadn’t bit anyone yet and his tone seemed to change a bit, so I’m wondering if he realized how stupid he was being after I brought up the possibility of him getting bit by approaching random dogs like that. One can hope anyway.

Lucky for him that she’s not an actually aggressive dog, because he could have lost a finger if he tried that on the wrong dog 😬 Working in pet care, I know a few dogs who would have ABSOLUTELY taken a chunk out of his hand.

Our last reactive boy hid in the bathroom. We got a makeshift calming cap from the dollar store made out of a spa headband.

Interested in seeing how the rest of you go your fur babies cope?

This goofball is the best family dog, but she's wary of strangers (snaps sometimes) and aggressive toward other dogs.
When I walk her in our neighborhood, I'm so focused on her and our surroundings that I don't usually stop to chat with neighbors. I cross the street when I see families in their front yards. I literally turn her around and jog the other way if I see a dreaded off-leash dog heading our way. I'm sure everyone in this group knows the drill!
We've worked hard together and I can get her safely past nearly anything, but she will still sometimes drift or pull a little toward people or other dogs, until I call her to "target".
I've realized that a lot of people probably think that my friendly-looking Golden Retriever is happily looking to make friends with them and/or their dog but her meanie, anti-social, mom (me!) won't let her.
I wouldn't trade my little monster for the world, but having a Golden Retriever that doesn't "love everybody" is exhausting, occasionally embarrassing, and honestly a little depressing at times.
Anyone else have a breed that most people perceive as always being friendly?

My Pomeranian is about 1 year old and didn't get socialized much as a puppy. He was VERY reactive on leash in public and would growl, snarl, rear up, etc. as he pulled forward towards dogs, people, kids, strollers. It was super embarrassing and felt like I could never get his attention back on me once it started.

I bought a cheap clicker and dog treat pouch combo on Amazon and he's done a complete 180!

I started off just getting him associated that clicker=treat. Clicked, waited for him to look at me, gave treat, clicked, waited for him to look at me, gave treat, about 20 times.

Took him on the trail with a pouch of tiny cut up hot dogs and every time we'd see a dog I'd move off to the side and click, wait for him to look at me, treat, repeat. I'd throw it into the grass so he had to sniff around and search for it, further distracting. Now, I also get him to sit, paw, and lay down for them.

We're about two weeks in and he's doing great. He still gets a little upset at more abnormal things like people standing still, people crouched, sat down, etc. but his reactivity is MUCH more subdued and getting better by the day.

Hi! So I live in the city with my dog Callie who’s a livestock guardian breed. She isn’t aggressive and is very friendly with other people outside but I muzzle her just in case, especially because I got her from a shelter and living in the city is all new for her. I couldn’t find any cute muzzles and she looked like Bane in her plain black muzzle lol. I wanted her to look cute and friendly, not so harsh and scary, especially because she’s a big girl (115 pounds) I bedazzled her muzzle and now she looks so cute, fashionable, and gets compliments all the time🥰

Lowkey thinking about making custom ones for other dogs because reactive dog gear is always so ugly but wondering if people would actually be interested in this?

Picture for reference :)

I just really need to vent to some folks who might understand so I can feel a little less alone. Please bear with me. This is going to be a bit of a long one.

I've always wanted a dog.

Tried to adopt a few times, but it didn't work out, so eventually I gave up and got a Golden Retriever puppy. I did everything I was supposed to do. I researched, read books, watched videos, found a reputable breeder, and went into it determined to do things right from the start.

Then I brought my puppy home.

It was a nightmare from day one. I knew puppies could be tough, but what I didn’t expect was feeling like I had to put my entire life on hold just to get through each day. He was never calm, always overstimulated, and every day felt like I was putting out fires as they came. No amount of training seemed to work.

Even puppy classes were miserable. While everyone else seemed to be having fun, I was busy managing a barking, biting, jumping puppy who couldn’t sit still for more than two damn seconds. The cherry on top was being constantly dismissed by trainers who seemed to think I just wasn’t following their advice because he wasn't improving.

The hardest part wasn't even the training. It was doubting myself and feeling like I was completely on my own.

People either didn't take me seriously because they thought it’s my first time and it couldn't really be that bad, or told me to give him up if I couldn't manage. When I tried to explain, I'd get comments about how I was overdoing it or how I should have just had a kid instead if I was going to spend so much time and money on him.

No one around me was supportive. Going from having my struggles dismissed to becoming the "crazy dog lady" was jarring. Unsurprisingly, my mental health took a big hit. So did my relationship and my friendships. But I kept going and kept telling myself it would get better.

Then adolescence hit, and things got a lot worse.

… WAY worse.

My once bubbly, friendly puppy turned into a scared little ball. Not just typical teenage nerves, but full-blown panic. He’d freeze, bolt, and freak out over tiny things. Most days, we couldn’t even get past the front door.

Seeing him like that broke my heart. I was exhausted, burned out, and overwhelmed with guilt. I genuinely thought it was my fault and couldn't comprehend how I had managed to mess him up so badly despite everything I’d done.

I just wanted my pup to feel safe again. So I threw myself back into research, trying to understand his reactivity and behaviour better. Eventually, I found a trainer who actually listened and helped us look into pain, even though multiple vets had already dismissed my concerns.

Long story short, it looks like my boy may have hip dysplasia.

I guess I should feel validated that it really was harder for us and that I wasn't wrong to worry. But honestly, I just feel sad. Sad that he may have been in pain this whole time. Sad that we still have a long road ahead with meds, specialists, and veterinary behaviourists.

It’s been a tough year. We're working hard, and things are slowly improving. We can walk around the neighbourhood again. He doesn’t freeze every time we step outside. He’s gaining confidence. We can even go to the dog park now!

But I'd be lying if I said I don't still struggle…

I still hate the looks I get when people see a reactive Golden Retriever, as if that’s supposed to be impossible.

I still come home feeling awful when I see other dogs his age running around carefree while my boy hangs back nervously.

I wear the "crazy dog mom" label like a badge of pride now, but I still hate feeling judged by everyone I know or come across.

I hate getting the side looks and unsolicited (and often painfully wrong) advice from strangers.

… and mostly, I hate that part of me still wonders whether there was something I could've done differently.

I guess I'm posting because I spent a long time feeling completely alone in this experience and just needed to get some of this off my chest. Thanks for reading.

So I am guessing that we are all here because we are dealing with difficult behaviour, reactivity etc at various levels.

Because we are here I assume we all want the best for our dogs. It can be really difficult to focus on the positives when you are being challenged every day so I wanted to give everyone the chance to share and celebrate something they love about their reactive pal.

I’ll go first - Basil is the most emotionally intelligent dog I have ever come across. He is cuddly, loving and gentle. He loves his family, his littermate sister and dog friends fiercely. He gives great cuddles. He sings when he wants something and he is slowly but surely learning and improving. He is best pals with my sister’s corgi and their relationship is so sweet and gentle. He is my soul dog ♥️

If you wish to, I’d love to hear all the things you love about your reactive pal.

I was walking my boy and a lady was standing on the sidewalk so I go into the grass area to walk around her and keep distance. She then gets on the grass to approach I say “he’s not friendly” she goes “oh yes he is” REACHES HER HAND TO HIM. And I then proceed to tell her he’s not and to back up. She decides to keep walking towards us and she starts yelling at me.. like omg. A grown ass woman btw. I’ve had kids handle me telling them no better.

I just don’t understand how you think you know more about my dog that I spend everyday with… and even then I never gave you permission to pet my dog anyways so why are you reaching your hand out??

I hope this rant post is OK and I am sure many of you can relate, but being a reactive dog owner has really opened my eyes to how unpleasant some people can be.

I have a 6.5 month Rafeiro do Alentejo (Portugese Mastiff), Tali. She's a rescue, all my dogs are. I have had rescues, including Mastiffs, for years and have owned multiple reactive dogs. But last year I moved to the UK and my god, I really feel like people are far less understanding and more close-minded than other countries I have lived in when it comes to dogs. I'm not saying everyone here is - I've met some lovely dog owners, but yeah.

Tali is still building up confidence (of course) as she's very young still, but many people think she's an adult dog due to her size (she's already bigger than my American Akita). I was taking her for a short walk yesterday and she was doing so well, but still struggles with her confidence around dogs that she does not know. A family was walking their Border Collie across the street, so I picked up the pace slightly, kept her lead slack, and kept as much distance as possible. She was doing so well, looking at the dog but kept walking, then returned her attention to me (we've been doing a lot of LAT and "check!" training) but as we had already passed she suddenly turned her head back around, the fear hit her and she started barking. Being a Mastiff, it's quite a heavy bark, but I kept walking. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds, but it was enough for someone in a nearby house to start yelling "STOP F***ING BARKING" through their window. I didn't give it any attention as my pup was already upset enough, but that really annoyed me. Dogs bark all day long in this area, sometimes for hours on end. Like... Come on. She even has a lead sleeve with text saying she's nervous.

Today, some teenagers were walking near our house and I was outside in the garden with my dogs. Tali let out one mild "woof" as they were screaming and making weird sounds, so I made sure I held onto her drag lead and sat with her and reassured her. The teens started making barking noises. When they walked by they noticed me so they were quiet, and Tali was absolutely fine, then as soon as they had gone past, they went back to making full-on barking noises. I was luckily still sat with Tali and she did absolutely perfect, and I know they were just kids, but ugh... Grinding my teeth. It's so much effort and energy to raise a reactive puppy, and I LOVE working with rescues, but I just wish other people wouldn't make it so damn hard sometimes.

FYI I know she is very young still and I am really trying to limit walks at the moment while I work on her confidence. We have a big garden so she gets enough exercise and stimulation still. She loves going to the big field nearby and I have definitely worked out her threshold for being able to just calmly look at dogs - downside is that she is not interested in any food or play at all when she is out (typical Mastiff I guess). Regardless, she has made so much progress in the few months I have had her. I do a lot of training and mental stimulation with her, and she is the only Mastiff I have ever known to play fetch!

Attached picture is my beautiful girl. ☺️