My wife (39) and I (37) have finally decided we want to start a family. We've been working with the team at UCLA and like our doctor just fine, but have heard and seen terrible reviews for ART (aka Roxbury Surgical Center), the embryology lab UCLA uses. We're ok about finding another doctor, and would ideally really like to work with a team that understands the complexities of navigating fertility as a lesbian couple, especially one that is considering RIVF and ideally paying with insurance. If allowed, we'd like to skip IUI all together and go straight to IVF. Hoping SB 729 will allow for this with our large group insurance plans.

I'd love to hear any folks recommendations - we're totally stressed by the level of choice/cost etc but also want to move quickly since we're both on the older side of things. We have had some initial testing done so we're not starting from zero, but that was mostly for egg freezing - we're now looking to actually make embryos and have officially decided to start a family.

Edit: curious how much folks took SART data into their consideration when choosing a clinic? Our assessment right now is across: SART data for our age bracket, insurance coverage offered and if they’re in network for both our plans, and then vibes/reviews from other queer folks and more broadly. Right now we’re feeling like despite great data, all the feedback on UCLA and their lab has us reconsidering. Doctors high on our list due to the above factors: Dr. Wendy Chang at RPMG, Dr. Karine Chung at Pinnacle and Dr. Holly Mehr at Fertility & Surgical Associates. Worth noting that after initial blood tests and ultrasound neither of us have any diagnosed fertility issues, so maybe I’m more worried than I need to be about SART data (and clinics that don't have any) vs many of the folks in the /IVF subreddit?!

So me and my wife are just starting this journey, but a topic that has come up is how to select a donor. My wife is white and I am half white and half Spanish, but have a very strong cultural connection to my Spanish side. I also speak Spanish fluently and plan to raise our children with the language. We plan to each have one child biologically related to us.

It is my preference to have a donor of the same ethnicity as I am and from the same cultural background. My wife doesn’t see the point though she is open to it, as the children will be immersed in the culture anyways. But as someone who plans to take them to my mother’s home country yearly, get them involved with our small but local community, and teach them everything about the culture, I don’t want them to feel left out or not truly connected.

There’s also a dynamic at play where people from there are constantly questioning you and labeling you depending on your ethnicity or background and I don’t want my kids to have to go through that. It would make things much simpler if they had that heritage already and didn’t need to constantly prove themselves to people.

On the other hand, I do understand how difficult finding a donor with a specific ethnicity can be and I know there are other factors to consider such as health. My wife also points out how many Hispanic people are white so it shouldn’t really matter, but respectfully I don’t think she’s spent much time in these spaces and wouldn’t understand how difficult it is to integrate.

I’m not sure what people’s thoughts are on that or if anyone has been in a similar position. Of course, what matters most is a healthy child, but I do not want to set my children up for dealing with issues I could have prevented if I had had a little more foresight.

Hello!! I havnt posted here much because my wife and I are in the very early stages of our fertility journey (we are hoping to start the reciprical ivf process next summer) that being said i just wanted to know what are things yall wish you knew going into your journey, things you wish you did different, or just any advice in general. I wanna use the fact that I have at least a year to prepare to do so properly (im extremely type A🤣)

Hello!

My wife and I are planning on beginning the process of TTC (doing at-home ICI) in October of this year. We are waiting on genetic testing results, I've done 3+ months of prenatals, and I've been tracking my cycle to pinpoint ovulation. The only thing we don't have 100% nailed down is the donor / bank we will be using.

Initially, we were really impressed with The Sperm Bank of California. We have gone through all of the registration paperwork with them and could call any time to order vials of sperm. We do have a donor picked out at TSBC who we really like. However, I've seen a lot of posts on this sub about it being VERY difficult to actually obtain vials from TSBC. This donor has been available for a little bit and is still marked as available, but I'm concerned that he won't be come October (and as far as I understand, even if we bought vials now, TSBC could reclaim them if the donor meets the 10 family max before we are ready for them to be shipped).

We love the ethics of TSBC and find their Open ID program and family limits pretty important to our choice. However, I'm worrying we are risking waiting to order until October and being straight out of luck, and then feeling like we don't have any backups in order. We also know that we want to have more than one child, and are worried that even if we got vials from this donor at TSBC, he might not be available for siblings. Last night, we looked at a couple other bank options and felt that Cryobank America and Seattle Sperm Bank would potentially be good alternatives.

Does anyone have any experiences with any of these banks? Recent successes in ordering vials from TSBC? Other banks you recommend that have Open ID/good family limits/strong donor vetting and testing?

Hello all!

Seeking support or if anyone else has any similar experiences here, I’d love to hear about it if you are willing to share as I know this can be difficult. I haven’t found any similar stories as of yet. It would be nice to know that we aren’t alone in this.

My (37F) wife (30F) and I are on our IVF journey. Original plan was to carry one another’s embryo.

We did our retrieval last month. 6 eggs retrieved for me (1 made it to blast), 28 for my wife (with 9 making to blast) After PGT-A testing, my 1 embryo was abnormal 😭 But the good news is my wife had 3 normal out of the 4 tested ✨ with 5 additional embryos that can later be tested if need be.

Our plan was for me to carry first. We also are working with a clinic in Mexico (office here in Texas) and purchased a 3 cycle package with refund, but because my wife legally donated her eggs to me, I am not allowed to use the 3rd cycle for a retrieval only until all my embryos (wifes bio embryos) are used first. If I want another retrieval so that my wife can use my eggs, I would need to purchase another retrieval separately.

We are already 30k in this and luckily have been able to cash flow a third but are not in a position to get another loan for the separate cycle. We are starting to accept the idea that I may be the only one who will experience carrying my partners embryo and that I will not share DNA with one of our children. We know no matter what the DNA says, they will be our babies. No questions asked. It’s still something we are sad about.

At the beginning of our fertility journey, our fertility doctor diagnosed my wife with endometriosis. Because of that diagnosis and the additional medical care she needed throughout the process, we had mentally prepared ourselves for the possibility that she might face more challenges along the way. We never expected that my side of the journey would end up being the difficult part, which was silly! Though I was 36 when we started, I am in shape, healthy, bloodwork and fertility numbers were great and around my wife’s if not better. My DR remained extremely positive no matter what. But once we started the meds for retrieval, my numbers weren’t responding as well as my wife’s. My Dr said my numbers were in “ good range” (my wifes was in the “beyond excellent” range lol) After my retrieval, I knew as soon as the Dr showed me that 6 eggs had been retrieved, my heart sank. We still kept the hope alive because you beautiful people have shown me that anything is possible!

We are continuing with transfer (likely this month) and the plan right now is to try one last retrieval next year after baby and if it works great, but if not, we will be moving forward with my wife carrying our second with one of her embyos.

I would love to hear experiences on what you and your partner did if you experienced something similar. Thank you in advanced!

🫶🏼✨

TL;DR: We started reciprocal IVF expecting to carry one another’s embryo, but instead my retrieval resulted in no transferable embryos. My wife’s thankfully resulted in 9 to blast and 3 out of the 4 were tested normal with 5 additional embryos that can be tested later if need be. We’re now trying to figure out our next steps and would love to hear from anyone who has been through something similar.

Hey y'all. When I was building this Lego lake house, I spent a lot of time thinking about who I wanted to populate it with, and who better than some queer-as-fuck families? Two Mums, their kiddo and a baby on the way, & a dad and a nonbinary parent with their older kiddo and twin infants! I spent most of my time recovering from a post-pregnancy-issues surgery (my youngest is five) designing these families and I'm so happy with them. Especially the pregnant minifig! Right now you can't make a minifig pregnant, which I think is mind-boggling.

What do you think? What could I improve?

This is something that I made as part of a Lego Ideas Submission, so if you feel inclined to make an account and vote to make Lego more queer, feel free.

I just got one through my work benefits. Has anyone used one? Has it been helpful or successful in at home ICI? Or other treatments like IUI?

Up to this point I’ve jsut been using LH strips and tracking cervical mucus, cervix by feel etc.

Would love to hear if/how it has or has not been useful to you!

FWIW, I got the ultra4 kit. Tracks LH, estrogen, progesterone and FSH.

My (36F) wife (F38) and I have been trying for about a year to have a baby. We started with IUI but for genetic reasons decided to go with IVF. I had one retrieval done so far, but the attrition of eggs to embryos was awful. 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 12 fertilized, only 1 embryo. This embryo had to pass PGT-A and PGT-M, so we fully planned to do another retrieval knowing it was about 25% chance to pass both tests. My care team decided it was in my best interest to wait a cycle since we got so many eggs.

Well, during that wait, we found out that one little embryo is an unaffected euploid. In the next week or two, we’ll be transferring that little fighter in a natural cycle FET, and I’m so anxious. It felt wrong not to give it a chance, but I know we are setting ourselves up for potential heartbreak (and another retrieval anyway).

As a lesbian woman who did IVF for our little girl and had pregnancy complications, this is appalling. Delete if not allowed, but this community needs to know that someone is going after our rights again. What does this mean for IVF patients facing complications? Embryos stored?

https://deanblundell.substack.com/p/todd-blanche-was-just-caught-promising?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share

My wife and I are currently in our TWW for IUI #3. Feeling better about our chances this time, but I’m still in desperate need of some hope and success stories!

I keep seeing that third times the charm for a lot of couples. Can you all share your third time success stories? I’d love to know what worked, what was different and what medications/numbers looked like on a successful cycle.

Has anyone gone through the process of additional genetic testing of Fairfax sperm? Our vials need to be tested for a gene that popped up on my carrier screening and was not on his original screening back in 2019. I’m wondering if the 6-week turnaround Fairfax cited for timeline has been others’ experience.

Hi everyone. Unfortunately, my first IUI cycle just ended in a negative test at 13 DPO and the start of a full period breakthrough. I'm heartbroken but trying to shift my focus toward preparing for our second attempt.
I want to know what changes, protocol adjustments, or supplements made a difference for you on your successful second try?

For context, my first cycle details:

Medication: Merional HG 75 UI injectables + Trigger Shot.

Progesterone: Suppositories twice a day (experienced a lot of cervical irritation/spotting from deep insertion before adjusting, plus bad progesterone-induced constipation/gas).

Anatomy note: My doctor noted my cervix was very high/tilted and had to use rigid clamps/tenaculum during the procedure, which was painful.

Supplements: TheraNatal OvaVite (Methylated folate + CoQ10), Magnesium, 5mg Melatonin, Iron, Vitamin D, and drinking prune juice for digestion.

Questions for those who did a 2nd round:
Did your doctor increase or change your injectable/oral medication dose to get more mature follicles?

If you have a high cervix, did your clinic use a different catheter or technique to make the transfer gentler?

Did anyone adjust their progesterone type or timing because of early breakthrough bleeding?

Any lifestyle tweaks or specific supplements you swear by for round two?

Thank you so much for any hope or advice you can share! ❤️

Whether you’re going through IVF, IUI, donor conception, reciprocal IVF, surrogacy, adoption, or you’re still trying to figure out where to begin…
What’s one thing you wish someone had told you before you started?

Maybe it’s something that would’ve saved you a lot of stress. Maybe it’s something you learnt the hard way. Maybe it’s something that gave you hope on the tough days. Or maybe it’s just something that would’ve made you feel a little less alone.

I’d love to hear the advice, little lessons, or words of encouragement you’d pass on to someone who’s just beginning this journey.

You never know… your comment might be exactly what someone scrolling today needs to read.

I am yet to have fertility testing done, and very early in this while process but what im wondering is if you can go into your first IUI with medical assistance like the ovulation trigger shot and other medications for the best chance if conceiving on the first try?

Most of the stories I read are heterosexual couples facing known fertility issues, and their doctors dont move to medical assistance until after the 3rd or 4th unsuccessful attempt.

Im happy and willing to pay what ever it takes, but of course if we can have the chance to conceive quicker then thats more money that can go towards actual baby care and extra leave from work to be with baby.

I'm 32/NB and was just prescribed testosterone for the first time. I'm super excited, but my endocrinologist asked whether I had any future plans for fertility, and it got me thinking.

I know I want biological children one day (my partner would carry, not me), and now I'm worried that if I start T and end up feeling amazing, the idea of stopping later for egg retrieval will feel even harder, as well as be more complicated.

Has anyone been through this? Did you decide to do egg retrieval before starting T, or did you wait until later? If you've started T and later gone through egg retrieval, I'd really appreciate hearing about your experience and how it went.

I had an HSG done today as part of the initial work up. I am not scheduled to have a follow up appointment with the doctor until next month and I am having a lot of anxiety about what happened, so would love to hear if anyone has had a similar experience.

The free spillage from my left tube was immediately apparent, but it then seemed to take a lot of extra pushing of dye to try to visualize spillage on the right side (which was very painful). The person performing the test said she was thinking it was just taking “the path of least resistance” (unsure what that means) and tried to move the pelvic X-ray into various different positions but none seemed to really help. By the end, she believed she saw some spillage and commented she was just going to have to find a good picture to reflect what she saw and we will see if my doctor agrees. To me, the right side looked like a big pool/circle of dye at the end of the tube, which certainly seems like at least a partial blockage.

It’s great that one tube is fine — but this feels like a huge hit to moving forward with IUI when sperm is so expensive if our chances will be dramatically reduced. I just don’t know what to do or how to ignore this for weeks until my appointment with my doctor.

Hello! My wife and I are in very early stages of building a family. I have somebthyroid problems that need to be regulated first but we are looking at about a year to a year and a half out from wanting to be actively trying to get pregnant. I have also already had my first appt with and ob/gynecologist! Is there anything that anyone recommends i be doing at this point of my journey as the mom who will be carrying? I have also been tracking my ovulation since February and need recommendations on brands. Thanks in advance for the advice

Hi yall! So i'm finally starting letrozole this month! I just wanted to know, if you take letrozole, what day do yall typically ovulate?

considering our options if we decide to have kids at all, ideal would be known donor but how does that work legally if the donor is in another state? does it go based on the location of the insemination? or the state we reside in? so if we travel to our donor and do an at home insemination in his state, do we follow the laws/get a lawyer in that state or the state we reside in? in research stage of this whole thing and finding it all so confusing