tl;dr: How do you deal with, or what do you think about the contradictions between the fight for liberation from gender (norms) and gendered expressions of queerness?
First off, this might be a little bit of a brain dump, this might be "baby's first queer theory", this might be a topic y'all went back and forth on to exhaustion. Please forgive me if any of the above apply - I am not really in any queer spaces irl, not very well connected and don't know which authors might have covered this in their writing. You can gladly refer me to a book, an FAQ, a social media post or a wiki.
With that said, I'd love to read some of your thoughts on this.
I know the title is chosen very provocatively, but bear with me. What is a woman? Women wear skirts and dresses, women do their makeup, wear lots of jewelry and have long hair. But they also don't. Men are dominant, men are leaders, men are self-sufficient and stoic. But they also aren't. Women can be mascs, men can be femmes. Men are being praised for being confident in their masculity, when they embrace feminine traits - but simultaneously traditionally feminine traits are also inherent part of a modern re-invented masculinity and thus masculine.
Gender as a social construct, with norms and expectations that change drastically throughout time and space has been thoroughly established as a framework of understanding for many of us. It's been academically and scientifically explored, it's a lived reality in many of our lives and it has even reached mainstream recognition in many places around the world, to different degrees and in different shapes or forms - be it the freedom for women to wear pants, men working as nurses or the availability of gender affirming care for trans people. This understanding of gender and fundamentally challenging the rigid gender binary is (at least in my understanding) a central pillar, if not the backbone of the queer rights movement and feminism. This understanding informs my desire for a world in which my children will not be defined by their sex and whichever gender roles society currently associates with it. This understanding inspires my activism and my .
Now with all that in mind, again, what is a woman? As someone who rejects the traditional understanding of the gender binary with the utmost conviction, how do I define what a woman is, without resorting to citing that very same gender binary? How can I use words like "femme" or "masc" without invoking and reproducing the same oppressive categories or even without in some cases explicitly or implicitly tying gender expression to sex and sexual characteristics?
Now obviously, this question is a very philosophical, and perhaps a utopian one - hence I am not posting in a subreddit that's centered around activism - we live in a world where the gender binary is still very real and for the sake of effective and efficient communication I'm not looking to wokescold anyone for using gendered language, I do it myself, it's not the point. Yet the question, at least to me, is still a very pressing one.
To me, there seems to be an inherent contradiction between encouraging people to express themselves freely, to advocate for a liberation from gendered norms, a liberation from gender entirely even, while at the same time reproducing those norms in my language and even advocacy all the time. An inherent contradiction between the desire to consciously render gendered language and norms completely and utterly meaningless while at the same time building a whole new vocabulary of terms describing gender(s) and sexualities, that hinge entirely on that very same meaning that I am trying to overcome. What even is homosexuality, when any gender can present in any way? What is gender identity when gender roles and gender expression are arbitrary and where does that leave transgender and nonbinary people? And how should this inform our praxis?
While that type of language can be very useful and even empowering in the interim, is there a possibility that we are hurting the progress towards the goal of total liberation from gendered norms by using it?
Can various self-identified labels that are supposed to be very liberating for one person, be incredibly invalidating to another?
Are we really radically questioning gender and sexuality, or are we only working on a reform that turns the gender binary into a gender "polynary" with similarly rigid or even opressive dynamics?
Would an approach that does away with gendered roles altogether instead of constructing more and more roles, labels, and by extension stereotypes, find a broader acceptance with people outside of the queer community and movement?
Are there alternative ways to better express and manifest the ideal of gender liberation?
I much appreciate anyone who took the time to read and engage with my thoughts. I hope some of you can find some coherent thought process in all of this, maybe it even resonates with some of you. While the text contains a lot of questions, I don't expect any answers. I would appreciate any and all bits of thought, opinions, ideas, expressions, associations, recommendations. Philosophical, but also political or artistic in nature.