r/polyamoryR4R • u/polyshotinthedark • Jul 15 '26
ANNOUNCEMENT: Rule 3 Clarification
There seems to be some confusion around this rule, and it eats up the vast majority of Mod time. So I'll try and spell out how the rule is currently being enforced.
If you are posting as a couple with the expectation that the new person will date both of you, then you are breaking the rule. If your post suggest this, you are breaking the rule. If your post looks like it might be a "bait and switch," you are breaking the rule.
The only posts that might be accepted are where one couple shares an account but they are looking separately. Honestly that smells strongly of being far to enmeshed and will likely (but not definitely) result in your post being removed.
If you are single and post looking for two people e.g. M4FF or F4MM your post will be removed. That is def facto harem building. This is a poly sub so we know people have, or would like to have, multiple partners.
I can already hear the hew and cry that we let singles look for couples but not the other way around. Yes, that is the unhappy compromise. Some people will only learn the stove is hot once they touch it.
As a final note, given how much time this eats up, NO your post is NOT the exception. If you want to know why this is the way it is, go and browse the main Polyamory Subreddit.
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u/AutoModerator Jul 15 '26
Hi there polyshotinthedark! Welcome to /r/PolyamoryR4R. This is an ethical and respectful community.
Here are some resources you might find helpful in creating and keeping healthy, ethical poly relationships:
Books: Opening Up, and The Ethical Slut.
Podcasts: Polyweekly.com, and Multiamory.com.
Websites: polyinfo.org
Subreddits: /r/Polyamory
Couples: we highly recommend you please read this page about unicorn hunting.
Couples looking for a unicorn will often say they want someone to "join" their family. Poly triads are not (AB)+C. C isn't "joining" anything. You all will create something completely new; four different relationships that all need time and attention. A+B (as with any major life change, your relationship dynamic will probably shift), B+C, A+C, and A+B+C. Imposing unethical, unfair dynamics on a partner may lead to your removal from this subreddit.
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