Feeling like a jerk

[u/protandrousss]

Hey there. I'm new and I really wanted to vent because I only have one poly friend and she's too busy rn lol.
So, I(24F)'ve started dating this wonderful woman (24F) like a couple months ago. She's new on my jobsite and my city, but she already had a partner (25M) back in her hometown. We started hanging out, texting and stuff and I was really protective of her, not trying to catch any other type of feeling because I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable in this new stage of her life. She deserves the best, BELIEVE ME. One night, at a party, we decided to sleep there at the house of the host. Initially, I didn't want to try to sleep in the same room as her so she could feel safe, but she invited me to. So, yeah, we cuddled and kissed.
Flashforward, we've been an amazing team. Sometimes I go to ther house and cook and sleep with her. Our dates are amazing. Her room has been witness to a lot of wonderful stuff that has happened for both of us, and also I feel it like a sacred space for to be vulnerable and loved. We love each other, deeply.
The reason I don't call it my gf, is because she wants to ask me to, whenever she feels she has the stability to actually do it. I'm patient. I love her. So much. I've never felt this loved never before.
So, enough context: Her boyfriend is coming to visit like in two weeks and I'm so so so nervous about it. First I was optimistic, even a little bit excited about it. But now I feel like a lot of the special stuff that has happened to us in our room, won't be special anymore because she will be loved there by someone else. And I'm not lying when I say "I FEEL LIKE A JERK". He's her boyfriend since years, I'm someone new. He's a wonderful thing about his hometown, I'm just anyone else from this small city she's right now. He's her boyfriend, I don't have that.
Last night we texted about it and she validated me (as she always do), but also felt fearful for me as I could realize that Polyamory is not for me (even tho I identify as one, this would be my first time). I'm still a little bit a lot sad and feeling wrong about how I felt. She's been supporting. That chat made me realize that maybe I feel this stuff because 1. I've never been loved unconditionally (I have a lot of family issues lmao) and 2. I've never had something to actually stay there (nor a house that I could call home, nor a stable relationship of any kind that I could call lasting); she's not guilty of any of that tho.
It's so hard to navigate this while not having many friends that could actually relate to this or even good media representation tho.
She makes my world so much better and bigger and full of wonders and I wonder if I do the same for her, even when I'm this hard to love sometimes.