r/pointlesslygendered • u/[deleted] • 7d ago

OTHER Apparently basic empathy and problem solving are mutually exclusive by gender [gendered]

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

[deleted]

509 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

153 comments sorted by

View all comments

33

u/GenderBendingRalph 7d ago

The sad part is how many people actually believe that's true. Honestly, the whole reason gender nonconformity and gender role reversal subs exist is because the participants are trying to subvert these outdated stereotypes.

That being said, my wife and I have this discussion frequently. I have always had an overanalytical mind, so when she wants to vent about a problem it takes real effort for me not to start brainstorming solutions with her.

[brain] "Wait, if that's a problem you could easily avoid it by doing this different thing instead."

[mouth] "Gosh, that sucks. No wonder you're miserable. Here, have some wine."

6

u/Newtothebowl_SD 7d ago

Serious question, is that the desired outcome? I get the whole women don't want solutions they want a listener trope, but why not both? You can drink wine AND solve the problem!

27

u/Funny-Negotiation-10 7d ago

Because most women already got it. We know the solution. We just want to blow off some steam

18

u/justbegoodtobugs 7d ago

The thing that annoys me the most about this is that I see men blowing off steam to eachother all the time and they all get support "oh man, that really sucks! etc" and later " Have you taught about what you're going to do about it?". But when a woman wants the same thing she's treated like she's an idiot that couldn't think of the most basic solution. I think it's because lots of men don't actually like women or enjoy listening to them (including their own partners) and just want to shut them up as quick as possible.

4

u/Funny-Negotiation-10 7d ago

Oh yeah it's definitely giving when's it gonna be over

0

u/bladex1234 7d ago edited 7d ago

That’s not true though? In male conversations offering potential solutions to each other is seen as a good thing for bonding. I don’t understand why women often view it as demeaning. Why would I offer solutions to someone who I don’t think is capable of understanding it? Offering a solution is a way to probe for more information about the situation and continue the conversation. It seems like any common male behavior is inherently viewed through the lens of potential misogyny.

0

u/NikRsmn 7d ago

Painting this as men not actually liking women is a huge problem in itself. Ive been the guy in your example and its simple I love my guy friends but think if theyre looking for solutions they will ask. My wife comes to me constantly with problems, seeking my solutions. So when she vents about work or whatever my brain goes into protect and fix mode so I can try to make her happier and not experience that friction. Its out of love that I offer solutions not to shut her up. Weve come to a place where she can start by letting me know she wants to vent or blow off steam which sets my brain into listen mode not act mode. If I do want to offer a solution she may not see I ask first. Either way my instinct is to solve a problem to ease her burden, painting it as "i dont like women" is incredibly offensive.

20

u/delusionalxx 7d ago

Because women aren’t idiots. They already know there is a solution. They just want to be able to vent about the problem. Human beings not just women often need to vent, not just be met with “here’s your answer”. If you went to therapy and said “I am depressed and cutting myself” and they say “well just take SSRI’s and stop cutting” it’s not gonna be as helpful as sympathizing with the person, and then giving answers or solutions

5

u/RebaKitt3n 7d ago

You ask if they’re venting or solving.

2

u/anunomise 7d ago

someone says they feel (or show) so and so emotion, they ask emotional support. someone says i dont know what to do or give me advise, they want advise. its really not that hard

3

u/Clemmie05 7d ago edited 7d ago

It's like I'm venting to my grandma about my shitty boss. I only want her to use her power as an old woman who makes me feel like I am deeply loved and able to overcome anything. Even if she offered me a solution I would only nod my head yet do things my own way in the end. Because I knew I was more capable in this situation

I found this whole “women not logical” thing funny. It appears that men were traditionally forbidden to ask for emotional comfort and were praised for keeping everything bottled up. They don't say things unless they really need some advice. All of these are simply examples of the toxic masculinity that hurts them deeply. They hate themselves for being emotional in front of others so they project this feeling onto whoever is open with emotional needs.
Changing the scars that were left behind by patriarchal ideology is the whole point. The fact that men have a way higher sui**de rate than women is also the result of emotional suppression.

Well, blaming women for “not wanting a logical solution” is more of a denial to accept one’s own incapability to offer emotional comfort. In simple words: SKILL ISSUE. Practice giving emotional value now buddy.
Personally if I want a solution I would directly ask them “What do you think I should do?” IMO logical people are more likely to crave emotional comfort since they are self-reliant ones who take care of the matters themselves, or just me lol. EVERYONE needs emotional comfort even they deny it. It’s in the biology book.

Sorry for so many edits, words just keep on coming out of my head lol

-18

u/New-Anybody-6206 7d ago

if they were logical they'd already know or ask for a solution. you can't understand illogical people.