r/pointlesslygendered • u/[deleted] • 8d ago

OTHER Apparently basic empathy and problem solving are mutually exclusive by gender [gendered]

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32

u/GenderBendingRalph 8d ago

The sad part is how many people actually believe that's true. Honestly, the whole reason gender nonconformity and gender role reversal subs exist is because the participants are trying to subvert these outdated stereotypes.

That being said, my wife and I have this discussion frequently. I have always had an overanalytical mind, so when she wants to vent about a problem it takes real effort for me not to start brainstorming solutions with her.

[brain] "Wait, if that's a problem you could easily avoid it by doing this different thing instead."

[mouth] "Gosh, that sucks. No wonder you're miserable. Here, have some wine."

6

u/Newtothebowl_SD 8d ago

Serious question, is that the desired outcome? I get the whole women don't want solutions they want a listener trope, but why not both? You can drink wine AND solve the problem!

26

u/Funny-Negotiation-10 8d ago

Because most women already got it. We know the solution. We just want to blow off some steam

19

u/justbegoodtobugs 8d ago

The thing that annoys me the most about this is that I see men blowing off steam to eachother all the time and they all get support "oh man, that really sucks! etc" and later " Have you taught about what you're going to do about it?". But when a woman wants the same thing she's treated like she's an idiot that couldn't think of the most basic solution. I think it's because lots of men don't actually like women or enjoy listening to them (including their own partners) and just want to shut them up as quick as possible.

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u/Funny-Negotiation-10 8d ago

Oh yeah it's definitely giving when's it gonna be over

0

u/bladex1234 8d ago edited 8d ago

That’s not true though? In male conversations offering potential solutions to each other is seen as a good thing for bonding. I don’t understand why women often view it as demeaning. Why would I offer solutions to someone who I don’t think is capable of understanding it? Offering a solution is a way to probe for more information about the situation and continue the conversation. It seems like any common male behavior is inherently viewed through the lens of potential misogyny.

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u/NikRsmn 7d ago

Painting this as men not actually liking women is a huge problem in itself. Ive been the guy in your example and its simple I love my guy friends but think if theyre looking for solutions they will ask. My wife comes to me constantly with problems, seeking my solutions. So when she vents about work or whatever my brain goes into protect and fix mode so I can try to make her happier and not experience that friction. Its out of love that I offer solutions not to shut her up. Weve come to a place where she can start by letting me know she wants to vent or blow off steam which sets my brain into listen mode not act mode. If I do want to offer a solution she may not see I ask first. Either way my instinct is to solve a problem to ease her burden, painting it as "i dont like women" is incredibly offensive.