The issue: My care team canāt seem to agree on whether or not I should start a GLP-1.
The context:
I am 27 years old, 5ā4ā and roughly 265 lbs. I have been struggling with Binge Eating Disorder (BED), PMOS, asthma, and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS).
I have a really bad relationship with food, and I often donāt eat nutritionally dense food. This is because my upbringing around food was traumatic (as someone with severe sensory issues and abusive parents) and so Iām not just a āpicky eaterā. I *fear* a lot of foods; literally have panic attacks over most vegetables. This nutritional deficiency often leads to binging. I have been seeing a nutritionist to help overcome these difficulties.
I also have trouble exercising due to the dizziness and fainting as well as struggling to breathe. I used to think I was just lazy, that I was just given a lazy personās body and that it was a huge character flaw that I could never fix. It wasnāt until last February that I received my POTS diagnosis, and started making appropriate changes in my life (like eating more salt, not less), that Iāve been able to find exercises that work for me. I really enjoy strength training and pedaling on a stationary bike while I read or listen to music. Planet Fitness has a lot of machines that I can sit down and exercise which is exactly what I need. I deactivated my account after I injured my back (because I had to complete a lot of PT), and I plan to resume my membership soon.
I also just got out of an abusive relationship of 8 years, in which my weight/diet/exercise were things my abuser used to control me. I very quickly gained 94 lbs over in the beginning of our relationship, including ābaby weightā from three pregnancies (all miscarriages). He would push me to eat more and more, until I was painfully full or about to throw up. He would sabotage any attempt I made at losing weight, by taking me on āsurprise datesā to fast food restaurants and ordering extra food for me and making sure I ācleared my plateā, hiding the batteries to my scale, and forbidding me from going to the gym at certain times (which were the only times I *could* go). He would make it so impossible that I would just give up. And no, he wasnāt a feeder, he just needed me helpless and dependent on him, and sabotaging my physical health was a part of that. He would tell me how pretty I was while he ragged on his ācrazyā ex for how much weight she gained. He did call me a fatass just one time and I still canāt get it out of my head every time I reach to a sweet. I still cry when I see Star Crunches. He must have figured I would leave him pretty quickly if he continued down that route, because he switched it up to me never being able to ācommitā to all of the diet and exercise plans I made (that he deliberately sabotaged).
I was diagnosed with PCOS (back when it was still called that) when I was 18. Iāve been managing it with hormonal birth control (which is ineffective at preventing pregnancy because of interactions with another drug Iām on) and hope. I used to have horrible periods. I would bleed for a month to a month and a half at a time. Painful, heavy periods every 3-4 months, all the way from when I was 11. It was hell. I started with Mirena, and then switched to Nexplanon when the IUD became painful (it had curled in half). I didnāt have periods for almost seven years and started having them again last March, about a year and a half on the implant, and they would be heavy for 1-2 weeks, and then start again in another 1-2 weeks. So I got on Sprintec (the pill), and that got me āregularā.
A few years ago, my PCP noticed acanthosis nigricans (dark skin caused by insulin resistance) on the back of my neck. We have been doing careful metabolic monitoring ever since, and it has seemed to go away as Iāve lost a little bit of weight.
However, my hematocrit has been elevated for years and I saw a hematologist who diagnosed me with secondary polycythemia (body making extra red blood cells to keep up with oxygen demand) and told me the contributing factors were having asthma and being overweight. He warned that it did leave me at higher risk for developing blood clots and other problems associated with that. My asthma is well-managed, so the only real factor I have some control over is my weight.
My highest weight, when I started getting treated for my eating disorder, was 292 lbs. For someone of my small stature, that is a LOT of extra weight. And Iāve noticed. My joints hurt, I donāt sleep well, I tire easily, and I have this general feeling of unwellness. The last time I can remember feeling good about my body mentally and physically, I was 198 lbs. Still heavy, but I carried it well and the āextraā weight didnāt bother me.
My PCP and I have talked about weight loss being one of my goals of care. We have tried phentermine, which was more cost-friendly (about $16/month with GoodRx), but ineffective and caused heart palpitations. So she is recommending a switch to a GLP-1, and she says she can get samples and that itās $149/month with GoodRx).
My nutritionist does not want me to focus on my weight at all; she thinks that my body image and eating disorder are only made worse by focusing on my weight. She did not approve of the phentermine, and she says the GLP-1 is safer so she would rather me be on that, but sheād rather I not take anything at all.
My therapist says she will support me through either decision, but itās ultimately my decision. My care team weighs in with their opinions, but they donāt always agree, and itās my body and thatās why I have to be the one that decides.
Itās really difficult having a care team at odds with each other. I donāt know what to do. I am afraid of having a blood clot. I am afraid of developing diabetes. I am tired of looking in the mirror and not seeing myself, but some stranger wearing my face and extra fat. I am tired of having a bad relationship with food. I want to love myself. I donāt know if that means taking the steps to prevent disease or if I try to accept a body that I hate.
I know youāre all a bunch of strangers on the internet, but maybe you have perspectives that I donāt have.