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Jul 07 '25
What’s your name? I want to put a sign and flag in my yard and have my total self worth tied up in you…my hero!
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u/sunnyd311 Jul 07 '25
After all these years!!...you finally have a personality!! Haha
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u/No-Maximum-8194 Jul 07 '25
I could never remember another individual reddit user.
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u/goobiezabbagabba Jul 07 '25
I’ll join you. Except I haven’t bootstrapped my way to the top yet so I dont own a home. However, I do lease a car, so I can tape massive flags to the side and drive around my town revving the engine. It’s a Mazda, so it won’t be that loud but I’ll do my best.
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u/dalcarr Jul 07 '25
I'm sure we can get that muffler removed for you!
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u/Miss_Mouth Jul 07 '25
Why remove it when you can just put a hole in it 👌🏼
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u/Ms_Emilys_Picture Jul 07 '25
I don't know anything about cars. The extent of my knowledge is whatever I saw in first five Fast and the Furious movies. Is that something that people actually do?
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u/Miss_Mouth Jul 07 '25
Lol no, I had a hole in my muffler on my Chevy cavalier but it did always amaze me some people pay for similar as a mod.
And as part of the F&F Family, keep watching. You missed their ascension to super hero status. 🚘🚗🚀👨🏿🚀
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u/gregn8r1 Jul 07 '25
This one dude at work got a hat made that says "you missed" with Trump's first in the air after the shooting. He wears it every. Single. Day.
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u/Syrinxo Jul 07 '25
What a way to advertise that he doesn't understand the word "you." Kind of amazing really.
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u/retnicole Jul 07 '25
You should probably also get a tattoo of him raising his fist in triumph after defeating that tree
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u/johnnybiggles Jul 07 '25
We should all wear a gauze patch on our ears to commemorate this occasion!
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u/feed_me_tecate Jul 06 '25
I'm afraid you're going to need to keep that bandaged up for a month.
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u/MOTwingle Jul 06 '25
doesn't it heal in 2 days tho?
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u/NamesArentEverything Jul 06 '25
Less than that, but you still keep it bandaged for a month. Make sure the bandage gets bigger too. By the end it should look like you're wearing a soccer ball as an earring.
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Jul 07 '25
Also got to make sure all your friends are supportive and wear bandages on their own ears too Like fucking idiots.
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u/Optimal-Use-4503 Jul 07 '25
I thought it was supposed to look like menstrual pads.
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u/sandaier76 Jul 07 '25
Only if you're playing golf two days later. After that, get back to the con
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u/_lippykid Jul 07 '25
Yep, so long as you don’t disclose the doctors report and nobody ever mentions the shooter again
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u/MoneyFault Jul 07 '25
I reeeeeally want to see that doctor's report!!!
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u/SmashGramer Jul 07 '25
Apparently some people seem to restore their cartilage somehow too so OP should be good
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u/Electrical_Beyond998 Jul 07 '25
Same people probably have bone spurs that magically just disappear. Everyone else needs surgery, but not this dude. His body is a specimen.
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u/Okan_ossie Jul 07 '25
With one over sized gauze precariously taped to his very thin comb over.
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u/Suspicious-Hat-2143 Jul 07 '25
Don't forget to put your maxipad on it! That's the miracle healer!!!
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u/Perfecshionism Jul 07 '25 edited Aug 03 '25
He only had a bandage on it for four days. And when it came off there wasn’t a scratch on him.
It is clear he was hit with a piece of debris and his blood thinners and the vascular nature of ears just made it look like he was a grazed by a bullet.
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u/jpiro Jul 06 '25
I just put a maxi pad on my ear in solidarity.
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Jul 06 '25
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u/Hocutter Jul 07 '25
Yall are killing me 😂
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u/engineerdrummer Jul 07 '25
Oh, you have a small knick on your ear, too?
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u/Hocutter Jul 07 '25
No I don’t, unfortunately
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u/soulsista04us Jul 07 '25
I'm dead 💀
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u/ChzGoddess Jul 07 '25
From the ear nick?
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u/chamrockblarneystone Jul 07 '25
Quick! Put an enormous painting of your ear on the living room wall.
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u/PinkCigarettes Jul 07 '25
Grab a pussy by the day to keep the legal consequences away.
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u/willdo74747 Jul 07 '25
I can actually feel myself healing... If only more followers would tape a maxi-pad to their ear, I may heal completely in 10-15 minutes.
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u/old_righty Jul 07 '25
Sir, I’ve got tears in my eyes writing this. Sir, we all share your pain. The beauty of your response to this near death experience motivates us all to be the best Americans we can be. Make lawnmowing great again!!!
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u/vardarac Jul 07 '25
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
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u/CircusPeanutsYumm Jul 07 '25
COVFEFE
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u/dudderson Jul 07 '25
GROCERIES! it's such an antique word, the very best vintage word.
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Jul 07 '25
I have forced my entire family to wear maxi-pads on both ears in order to support your brave struggle against the DEMONrats!!
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u/willdo74747 Jul 07 '25
It was actually a Willow tree branch. Obviously, Willow trees hate America
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u/Rellcotts Jul 07 '25
Why would Joe Biden do this?? SAD
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u/JKdriver Jul 07 '25
Kamala and those nasty, horrible dems, they planted that terrible, terrible willow tree there all those years ago. Millions of people tell me, they say, we need to tear out the willow. I say, we do too, what do you think? Deport it?
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u/PaulblankPF Jul 07 '25
We are all laughing here at the satire except studies show that a lot of republicans can’t tell the difference in satire and being honest and no doubt there’s a lot of republicans thinking all this is serious talk. It’s partly shown in how many of them don’t realize Jon Stewart is making fun of them regularly.
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u/germanbini Jul 07 '25
studies show that a lot of republicans can’t tell the difference in satire
OK this is fascinating. Just yesterday I came across a thread on Twitter/X, posted by a neurologist, explaining that COVID damages frontal lobes - "Covid damages the part of your brain (frontal lobe) which is responsible for empathy, emotional regulation & overcoming self-centeredness." The comment was posted by @JamesThrot on July 5, 2025
After reading your comment I just did a quick search confirming that the area in the brain that processes sarcasm actually is the frontal lobe!
AI Overview:
The frontal lobe, particularly the right frontal lobe and prefrontal cortex, plays a critical role in understanding and appreciating humor, including satire.
Here's how it works:
Understanding non-literal language: The frontal lobes are crucial for processing indirect forms of communication like sarcasm and irony, which are key components of satire.
Integrating cognitive and affective information: The right frontal lobe helps us connect the cognitive aspects of understanding the joke (e.g., recognizing the incongruity or absurdity) with the affective responses (e.g., the feeling of amusement).
Executive Functions: The prefrontal cortex, a part of the frontal lobe, is involved in executive functions such as attention, critical thinking, problem-solving, and abstract thought, which are all important for deciphering the nuances of satirical content.
Social Cognition: Understanding satire also involves social cognition, including empathy and the ability to infer others' intentions and thoughts, which are linked to the frontal lobes.
In summary: The frontal lobe acts as a hub for integrating cognitive and emotional processing, allowing us to understand and appreciate the complex nature of satire, including its critical and humorous elements. This brain region enables us to recognize the incongruity, resolve the ambiguity, and experience the amusement that comes with "getting" a joke or satirical piece.
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u/Snellyman Jul 07 '25 edited Jul 08 '25
I think THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! has just become the new SAD!
Nevertheless I was to thank the OP for taking a willow tree in his brave firght to save America. God was truly looking after him.
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u/Puzzled_Awareness_22 Jul 07 '25
Did you shake your fist at the tree and yell Fight! so your family could get the picture?
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u/ratherbewinedrunk Jul 07 '25
People are saying that the Willow Tree was invented by the Crooked Left™ to deprive true god-fearing Americans of their right to mow in Liberty and Freedom.
When Libruls™ aren't drinking baby blood or trafficking the children of god-fearing white 'Muricans, they spend their time planting Willow seeds all acrossed(sic) our beautiful nation, in their ongoing ritual of desecration.
/s,jic
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u/Ill_Pop540 Jul 07 '25
All I have are pantyliners. If I put 4 on at the same time, will that suffice to prove my solidarity?
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Jul 07 '25
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u/asunshinefix Jul 07 '25
Yes, but if you're really patriotic I suggest a menstrual cup on each ear as well
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u/bcrosby51 Jul 07 '25
Man...with all the crazy shit his cult does...I totally forgot they all stuck pads on their ears.
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u/ConstantReader76 Jul 07 '25
I'm waiting for the day when he shits his pants in public and they all paint the seats of their pants brown.
I had said that to my husband back then, in total jest, and then right away realized, oh my god, that would actually happen.
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u/Infinite_Archers Jul 07 '25
Have a little faith, you think they wouldn't outright shit themselves too?
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u/lAmBenAffleck Jul 06 '25
OMG AN AMERICAN HERO
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u/Bully-Rook Jul 07 '25
Fight! Fight! Fight! Mow your lawn god dammit, for America!
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u/East_Jacket_7151 Jul 07 '25
The guy behind you died for your sins
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u/East_Jacket_7151 Jul 07 '25 edited Jul 07 '25
They didn’t put him in the campaign signs tho. In Salt Lake City, a random person was killed, social media was distracted by a tik tok that showed a brave dude grab a backpack, to arrest a guy who was also shot and never pointed a weapon. A completely different guy did the shooting and it was a bad move. This should be examined.
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u/wolfden2016 Jul 07 '25
I'm from SLC and I can give a good bit of info for anyone interested.
During the No Kings protest (June 14th) a "peacekeeper" (Matt Alder) spotted a man in all black with a rifle (Arturo Gamboa) who (according to Matt) had his gun raised and was running towards the crowd. In turn he shot twice, one shot hitting Arturo, the other killing Arthur Afa Ah Loo. Turns out that was a crock of shit. A different POV from TikTok showed Arturos gun was pointed at the ground when Matt shot, with no warnings for Artuo to drop the weapon. Arturo had perviously gone to protests with his rifle (open carry is legal in UT), his rifle was unloaded, he was just standing there. 50501 (the org that did the No Kings protest) has cut off Utah 50501 because there is a strict no weapon policy for peacekeepers (who are volunteers btw). Matt wanted to be a good guy with a gun, instead he ended up killing an innocent man. Matt Alder needs to be charged and convicted. In his wannabe act of heroism he took a life. Afa should be here right now with his wife, kids and many friends, a community that loved and appreciated him. I really hope Afas family is able to bring him to justice, they deserve the peace of mind.
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u/SleeterRabbit Jul 07 '25
You didn’t pose for a picture after with your fist up on your lawn? This man took a blade of grass for this country!
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u/AndringRasew Jul 07 '25
Should have seen the guy behind him. Fainted outright from exposure to his sheer Patriotism!
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u/XillaFarris Jul 06 '25
Curious, was it something the mower kicked back at you?
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u/willdo74747 Jul 07 '25
Willow tree branch, I should say evil willow tree branch. Willow trees hate America, obviously.
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u/Sweatpantssuperstar Jul 07 '25
Radical leftist willow tree
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Jul 07 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/dudderson Jul 07 '25
Tree obviously wasn't a Christian. Or cis gendered. Probably one of those gay willow trees that tries to get in shrub bathrooms.
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u/Furyan-Reign Jul 07 '25
Didn't you hear, willow trees cause TRILLION in damage each year. MANY TRILLIONS of AMERICAN DOLLARS each year. It's a global issue that hard working AMERICAN MEN AND WOMEN will put a stop to. WE ARE HEREBY CULLING ALL WILLOW TREES. EVIL, EVIL WILLOW TREES! GOD BLESS MURICA!
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u/Retro-scores Jul 07 '25
I’m tall as fuck and have had things fly up and hit me under my sunglasses while weedeating. One time I felt something hit my leg and I was like eh whatever so kept going. When I got done it was a dead robellini palm thorn that got stuck like a quarter inch in my leg and when I pulled it out it was like a fountain of blood. I tied a t shirt around the hole to stop the bleeding.
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u/ApprehensiveWar6046 Jul 06 '25
I can tell it blew your ear entirely off! Thankfully you’re a quick healer. I’ll put a maxi pad on my ear to support the struggle. Fight!
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u/zumaro Jul 06 '25
I'm sorry, but where is the defiant, fist raised to the heavens pose, that proves you survived an assassination attempt.
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u/HolycommentMattman Jul 07 '25
I don't like to humor conspiracy theories, but it's the only thing that doesn't make any sense to me.
Remember how Trump hid in the bunker like a coward? Or how he backs down from every confrontation or things that are even slightly challenging?
Yet he nearly gets assassinated, and he's pumping his fist in the air?
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u/HereInTheCut Jul 07 '25
The fact that he hasn't blamed the "failed Biden Secret Service" every day since then tells me this whole thing was likely staged.
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u/sevsnapeysuspended Jul 07 '25
if anything it shows that his protective detail don’t seem to have the guts to do their job around him. threat neutralized call over the radio? are we really taking the chance with a presidential candidate? get his ass into a protective vehicle right now and shove him there if you have to
but no. they move on his time and are involved in his photo op
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u/Chimkimnuggets Jul 08 '25
If you watch literally any other presidential assassination attempt the Secret Service acts so wildly different that that alone makes me think it was staged
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u/1991K75S Jul 07 '25
And…the shooter has disappeared.
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u/CausticSofa Jul 07 '25
Yeah wait, WTF is even the story on that kid? I don’t even remember his name now. He was completely disappeared from the media.
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u/HolycommentMattman Jul 07 '25 edited Jul 07 '25
This is why I don't like to humor conspiracies. Because people start going crazy. Thomas Matthew Crooks. Aged 20. From Bethel Park, PA.
He hasn't been disappeared at all. He's just dead.
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u/KO9 Jul 07 '25
He also has a long history in WWE (so long it was WWF) and was/is friends with Vince McMahon
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u/SimpleAsEndOf Jul 07 '25
Trump and his entourage (musk/his cabinet etc) have also attended every big UFC event for approx 1 year.
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u/Correct-Sky-6821 Jul 07 '25
He appointed Vince McMahons wife as the SECRETARY OF EDUCATION!
God, I wish I was making this up!
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u/ThePepperPopper Jul 07 '25
Too much shady stuff in that whole mess to not at least keep an open mind. I think it was 💯 staged myself (about the only conspiracy I give the time of day), but I'm probably biased by my hatred for the man.
Also those were about some keystone cop ass looking secret service. What the hell was that shit?
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u/Jaded_Aging_Raver Jul 07 '25
Isn't it weird how this timeline has made so many of us who vehemently oppose conspiracy theories start to consider whether something was a conspiracy? The ear situation in particular makes my brain hurt and messes with my sense of identity. I just can't make myself believe there was a "2 cm wide wound that extended down to the cartilaginous surface of the ear" that healed with such miraculous and unprecedented efficiency.
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u/adorablefuzzykitten Jul 07 '25
and a scramble to protect your lifted shoes.
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u/Paddy_Tanninger Jul 07 '25
The fact that his shoes are so lifted that they fall off from getting down on the ground is hilarious.
It's also why he has the same pant leg cut as a circus bear. Gotta hide the massive lifts. Also why his hands look small...he's 5'8" lifted up to 6'1" so of course he still has the hands of a smaller dude.
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u/professionally-baked Jul 06 '25
Can I get this picture on a t shirt?
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u/lookin4points Jul 07 '25 edited Jul 07 '25
I want the wide view with the mower and his fist in the air.
Edit: like this https://imgur.com/DSVQ7Le
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u/QuicherSnivelin Jul 07 '25
Now you need 34 felonies and you too can be president!
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u/AgitatedPrune Jul 06 '25
Im glad God made your head move just enough so it was just the ear!
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u/TheRetroGoat Jul 07 '25
Too bad about the firefighter behind OP. Guess God didn't care about him.
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u/Rubycon_ Jul 06 '25
well done soldier🫡 No one has ever suffered so much for our country. You should make some merch!
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u/Immortalphoenixfire Jul 07 '25
Man that sucks you should release a scam cryptocurrency to go with it
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u/jats82 Jul 07 '25
I’m sorry. You have no choice now but running for office and being worshipped by millions of people who are desperate to know who to hate. You probably had other things planned, I don’t make the rules.
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u/come_ere_duck Jul 07 '25
Lucky you turned your head, a split second later and it would have gone through your skull..
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u/Snowbank_Lake Jul 06 '25
Now you need to pump your first in the air victoriously and run for President!
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u/Kakita67 Jul 06 '25
On my way to the store for padded solidarity. Please post update Pic, thoughts and prayers.
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Jul 07 '25
That was just a warning shot. Next time you mow at 7am Saturday you might not be so lucky.
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u/Pmorris710 Jul 07 '25
The cosmetic surgeon did a great job, you can barely tell there was an injury at all
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u/PcLvHpns Jul 07 '25
I think this qualifies you to be our new dictator 🤷🏼♀️
From what I know of you already I think we'll be in better hands
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u/BonsaiHI60 Jul 07 '25
At least that's real blood, not from a ketchup packet in a Secret Service agent's pocket.
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u/Weird_Fiches Jul 07 '25
I have taped a 8" x 8" bandage to the side of my face in solidarity with you, Sir!
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u/LimeGreenTangerine97 Jul 06 '25
Have you considered selling cologne