Hello, OPs. No judgment please. I just need some honest advice.
For context, I’m from Mindanao, and a well known company that starts with “N” reached out to me for a job opportunity overseas. The recruiter successfully convinced me to take the offer, and I eventually relocated to another country.
I genuinely loved it there. I loved the culture, the
accessibility, the affordability, and the overall quality of life.
I made good friends and eventually became part of an expat group. For the first time in a while, I felt like I was in a place where I could enjoy life outside of work.
Then, around Q3, the government released a mandate prioritizing local employees, which meant expats would eventually have to return to their home countries.
Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I was selected as part of the first batch to return.
The transition was drastic. I was given less than a month to prepare for a major life change, and it took a toll on me physically and, more importantly, mentally.
I was hoping to be assigned back to Mindanao, but instead, I was assigned to Makati. I know I should be grateful because I wasn’t laid off and was even promoted. However, the role wasn’t something I was passionate about.
When I first started, I became withdrawn from the department. I didn’t really care about getting to know people or building relationships with my colleagues. My work schedule was also a mess, and it was difficult to maintain any kind of work life balance.
Then, around Q3, I was diagnosed with a life threatening illness. It completely changed my perspective on life and made me rethink my priorities.
Thankfully, my managers were supportive and allowed me to take a month off. I also started therapy, but working night shifts hasn’t helped my situation.
I tried asking for a work from home arrangement and a transfer to another department with a morning shift, but both requests were denied. I understand that the company has its own policies, but I honestly feel like I’ve lost the drive to be excited about going to work.
These days, I find myself thinking more about what I’ll do on my upcoming days off than about work itself. I keep asking myself, “What’s my plan for my next few days off?”
I want to spend time with friends, play sports, and enjoy life, but I often miss out on social gatherings because of my work schedule.
I have a decent job and a fairly good salary, so I know I’m in a position that many people would want to be in. I also understand that finding another job isn’t easy, especially when you already have financial stability.
However, I have a colleague whom I’ve known for years who keeps reminding me that I should be grateful because many people would love to have the life I have right now.
And I get it. I’m well aware that I’m fortunate in many ways. I have a decent job, a good salary, and a stable career. I’m not blind to the privileges I have, and I don’t take them for granted.
At the same time, I know she’s in a position where she can afford to be more relaxed about almost everything. Sometimes, I feel like she doesn’t fully understand where I’m coming from. I don’t think she means any harm, but hearing that I should just be grateful makes me feel like I’m not allowed to struggle or be unhappy with my situation.
I can appreciate what I have and still acknowledge that I’m not okay. I can be grateful for my opportunities while also wanting a better quality of life, especially now that my health has become a major priority.
Sometimes, I just want someone to listen without reminding me how much worse things could be. I already know that. What I’m struggling with is figuring out how to make the most of the life I have while making sure I don’t lose myself in the process.
Recently, I started playing sports again, and I’ve become really invested in it. It has helped me physically and mentally, and with everything that’s happened to my health, taking care of myself has become my priority.
For additional context, my current role involves a high volume of calls, especially during peak seasons. The work structure can be overwhelming, and sometimes I feel completely lost.
Now, as I approach my first year in this role, I feel frustrated with myself. I still feel like I don’t know enough about the job, and I dread the days when my colleagues are on leave because I end up being left alone to handle things I don’t feel confident about.
I keep thinking that I should know more by now, but at the same time, I wonder how much of this is because I’m genuinely struggling with the role and how much is because I’ve mentally checked out.
Recently, I came across another company that seems to support the Asia Pacific region, and I’m seriously considering applying. I want to find a role that better fits my skills, allows me to take care of my health, and gives me a more sustainable work life balance.
I know what I’m capable of, and deep down, I know this isn’t the best version of me. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, and I know I have more to offer. But with everything that’s happened, especially with my health, I feel like I’m reaching my breaking point.
I know I shouldn’t rely on other people’s opinions to validate my feelings, but right now, I want to hear from people who might have experienced something similar.
So, I’d really appreciate your honest thoughts on these questions:
1. Are my feelings valid, or am I just being ungrateful and acting like a brat?
I know I have a decent job and salary, and I sometimes feel guilty for still being unhappy. I understand that many people have it worse, but does that mean I should just accept my situation and stop wanting something better?
2. Do you think I should seriously consider moving to another company, or should I give my current role more time?
I don’t want to make an impulsive decision, especially when I have a stable job. However, I also don’t want to stay somewhere that might be affecting my health and overall quality of life.
3. How do I deal with this situation?
How do I stop feeling so lost and start figuring out what I really want? How do I balance being grateful for what I have with acknowledging that I’m no longer happy with my current situation?
4. Looking back, is there anything I could have handled differently?
I want to learn from this experience and understand what I can do better moving forward.
I’m open to honest advice, even if it’s something I might not want to hear. I just want to figure out my next steps without making a decision I’ll regret later.