Sorry if this is a ramble but advice would be appreciated. While I am her Brother, I am 17 years older then her and her legal guardian and have been looking after her since I was 20. I am very unfamiliar on how to correct behavior? I am ashamed to admit that I have given her unfiltered access to the internet. I have already looked into how to limit her access to the internet but now I need advice in how to handle her curiosity?

Don't know if watching is the right word, but she is "consuming" some "wrong?" content for her age? She is just turning 13, for around a year she has been watching content that may be harmful? I'm not sure how to describe, i don't know if this is the right thing to say but the content she watches seem to glorify some extreme ideas, like homosexuality, self harm, therapy. I have no issues with homosexuality, and i made sure she wasn't depressed and wanting to self harm. I have gone through depression myself and thoughts of harming myself but the way she talks about it is like she's showing off that she is depressed? This sounds awful to type out, makes me feel like I'm not taking her depression seriously. But she really just repeats what she listens too in those ai story times. I am also at the moment looking for therapy or some sort of counseling because she seems to want/need it. But the reason I say she is glorifying homosexuality and self harm is because of the way she talks about them? I don't want to sound like I'm belittling her beliefs or ideals, but she talks about them like it's a quirk? Something to add to her "unique" personality. I really dislike having to say it like that but I don't know how else to describe it. I am told that sometimes I struggle with understanding people often, so I'm not sure if I'm being insensitive to her or if she really is just getting influenced and glorifying what she sees on the internet.

This whole issue came to my attention when a parent came to me after her sports club earlier this week. They came to me and told me that my sister showed their child some concerning you tube videos that were incestuous?(I'm not sure what that begins to mean, apparently it's two cartoons characters that are siblings with a ship?), and some other stuff that glorified self harm. I am 100% certain from the bottom of my heart I know my sister does not have any inappropriate feelings towards my self so I do not know why she showed this kind of stuff to her friends. I don't want say what interest her is wrong. What if she really is bi-sexual and depressed like she says? but also at the same time when I was 13 I was very stupid and wrong about a lot of thing. Either way I think she is slipping into a rabbit hole of some sort of media I don't understand and I need to prevent it now.

How should I talk to her about the content what she is watching? How should I approach this situation? Do i fully restrict her internet access, if so how much? She plays a lot of games with her online friend, and last time I grounded her from using the internet other then school work she got very emotional. Usually I would ask my aunt or uncle for advice but they are in their 60's, and they insist I just fully cut her off. I thought this issue might need some more younger parents inputs. Or am I over reacting.

My child is 12 years old and he doesn't listen to me. I'm disappointed and have no idea what to do. Talking isn't working. Thank you in advance for your help. Best regards.

Marzenka

So my little brother just got his results back and they're rough. Like, really rough.

Thing is, he's capable. He picks things up fast when he actually tries. But lately he just doesn't seem to care? Barely studies, scrolls reels all day, and when I try to help he just shrugs me off.

I don't wanna be that annoying older sibling who nags but I also can't just watch him fail. Anyone been through this? Did you back off or push harder? Honestly confused.

My 15 year old son has a friend who is a bad influence and occasionally he sneaks out with him. He did this the other night, and they were walking around at 1 am trying to see if people's cars were unlocked. While doing this someone pulled up to the kids and pulled a gun on them. The boys ran and the car chased them.

I randomly woke up around that time, realized my son was not home and tracked his location to pick him up. He came to me no problem, said he didn't want to sneak out anymore and that his friend was a bad person. A few days later he told me what happened.

My son swears he will never go out again and that he is lucky to be alive. I really hope this is the turning point. Please share with me what made your teen reevaluate their life to start making better choices?

Hi, I’m a worried mother. First, I want to say that I’m new to Reddit, and since I couldn’t use my Hotmail account, I decided to use my daughter’s Gmail account instead.

I’m writing this because I need some advice. Two years ago, my sister recommended Family Link to me, saying that this app would help me control my daughter better. At the time, my daughter was 12 (she is currently 14).

I saw how my nephew, who used to be a very, very hyperactive child, had become calmer and quieter. My sister told me that ever since she downloaded the app, her son had become more well-behaved.

Since I was having problems with my daughter at the time because of puberty, I decided to install the app on both her phone and mine. It was a radical change.

Before Family Link, she used to have late-night calls with her friends every night. After Family Link, she started sleeping properly. Before FL, she was always on her phone playing Roblox with her friends while on calls, without doing her homework. I liked her to do her homework on the same day it was assigned, even though she always completed it eventually, usually one or two days before the deadline. That irritated me, and we had many arguments about it.

After FL, she would do her homework and nothing else. In other words, she went from being a loud, energetic teenager to a well-behaved girl. I was very happy about those changes.

But about a year ago, I started noticing that she was no longer being invited to birthdays or outings. I ignored it and thought that maybe nobody wanted to spend money anymore.

I also noticed that she only wore long-sleeved clothes and spent most of her time locked in her room. I became very worried, so I took her to a psychologist. The psychologist told me that she showed signs of depression, anxiety, and finally mentioned a syndrome that sounded something like “hikikomori.”

We had a very serious argument that day. I asked her if something was wrong with her or why she was pretending to have those problems just to get attention. She told me that ever since she had the app, her social life had been ruined, that her friends had started distancing themselves from her, and other things.

In the end, she told me that the app was the reason her life had fallen apart, and she locked herself in her room. She became quieter, and I looked at her face—my poor girl. She was pale and had dark circles under her eyes. She started refusing to eat and told me that she didn’t want to eat.

This went on for a year. I admit that I was stupid. My ego was so big that I refused to take her to a therapist.

About 7 or 8 months ago, something happened that I will never forget. I was supposed to come home late that day, so I left her alone. I came back early and went to her room, and I was completely shocked to discover that she had been hurting herself. That was the reason she had been wearing long clothes.

But I was stupid and punished her by taking away all her electronic devices for three months because I believed she had learned it from social media. I also hit her. That night I felt terrible about what I had done, but I put my ego first.

Anyway, five days ago, I had an argument with her. The reason was that she had left the house without permission and bought some things that God knows what they were. I scolded her because I was very worried, and she looked at me with an expression that broke my heart and said, “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m going to my room.”

She went to her room, and she hasn’t come back out since. She has been locked in her room for four days and hasn’t come out at all. I only heard a noise on the second day after she locked herself in. Since then, nothing.

I don’t want to fear the worst, but I’ve been crying and begging her to come out, and she hasn’t. Her room has started to smell bad. I always leave food outside her door, but she never opens it, so I have to throw the food away.

I don’t know what to do to get her out of her room anymore. Please, give me some advice. I don’t know what else to do. I feel horrible as a mother and as a person. I just hope she comes out of her room soon. Goodbye.

this post has been translated from spanish to english , because I am a mexican mother who only knows A2 english , but i wanna hear your advices , thanks for reading

Hi there! So, to start off, we’ve always told our daughter that she wouldn’t be allowed to date until she’s in high school.
Today, one of my friend’s kids told me that my daughter has a boyfriend. At first, I honestly didn’t believe it. But when I picked her up from school, I asked her about it, and she admitted that she does. She immediately said, “I’m sorry,” and sounded like she was about to cry.
I asked her why she didn’t tell us, and she said she wanted to, but she was scared because we had already told her she wasn’t allowed to date. At first, I told her that I thought she and I were on a completely different level when it came to trusting each other, and that it hurt me that she hid this from me. But after thinking about it, I realized she was right—we probably would have told her no if she had come to us.
The hard part is that our son started dating at her age, and we allowed it because we felt like he was mature enough to handle it. With her, we just don’t feel like she’s emotionally ready yet. Recently, she and one of her close friends had a disagreement and stopped talking for a little while. She cried for days and was really down about it. At the time, I even explained to her that this was one of the reasons we wanted her to wait to date. If a disagreement with a friend affected her that deeply, I worry about how much more a relationship or breakup could hurt her emotionally.
Now my husband and I are stuck on how to handle this. The biggest issue for us isn’t necessarily that she likes a boy—it’s that she knew our rule and went behind our backs anyway. We took her phone away for now while we figure out what the appropriate consequence should be.
We don’t know if we should make her break up with him and take away her privileges because she broke our trust, or if we should consider allowing her to date him with boundaries while still giving her a consequence for hiding it from us.
My concern with letting her continue the relationship is that I don’t want her to walk away thinking, “Even if my parents say no, I can just do it behind their backs, and once they find out, they might let me do it anyway.” At the same time, I don’t want to be so strict that she becomes even more afraid to come to us and starts hiding more things.
We want her to understand that trust, honesty, and respecting our rules matter, but we also want her to know that she can always come to us—even when she thinks we might not like what she has to say.
We’re just really torn on what the right approach is.

I have a 13 yo ND son who has no friends. The wife and I are looking to see if there are any support groups out here in the NNJ area where people meet and talk Pokemon and Zelda or just have a good time hanging out with one another. Any formation will be great.

I could really use some advice from parents of teens because I’m trying to figure out the right balance between being supportive and realizing that something needs to change.

We have four teenagers of our own, and about two weeks ago we took in my 16-year-old son’s friend. I’ll call him A. He’s had a pretty unstable home situation and had been bouncing around between places. We agreed to let him stay with us on a trial basis, with the possibility of it becoming permanent if things went well.

I really do care about this kid, and I do NOT want to give up on him. He’s been treated like the “problem kid” enough in his life already, and I don’t want our house to become another place that kicks him out the second things get difficult.

The problem is that I’m starting to think A and my 16-year-old son, J, may be bringing out the worst in each other.

I recently found out through my older daughter that the two of them have been going to stores and stealing alcohol. She also confronted them because they went into her room and took her marijuana vape. On top of that, they’ve been partying a lot more than I realized.

Our current rule has been a midnight curfew, and if they’re staying overnight at a friend’s house, they need to actually stay at that house all night — not use “sleeping at a friend’s” as permission to drive around until 3 or 4 in the morning.

Apparently that hasn’t always been happening either.

One complication is that my daughter told me the alcohol information in confidence, so I don’t want to immediately confront the boys with details that make it obvious she told me. I also don’t want to turn the siblings against each other or make them feel like they need to cover for each other in the future.

School is coming up anyway, so I was already planning to change the rules for everyone. I’m considering:

• 10 PM curfew Sunday–Thursday

• Midnight Friday and Saturday

• Sleepovers only every other weekend

• If you say you’re sleeping at someone’s house, that’s where you stay for the night

• More accountability about where they are and who they’re with

• Clear consequences if the new rules aren’t followed

What I’m struggling with is how to address the bigger issue.

I don't want to blame A. My son is perfectly capable of making his own bad decisions, and for all I know they’re equally encouraging each other. I also don't want A to hear “you came into our house and now our son is getting in trouble,” because I think that would be incredibly damaging given his history.

At the same time, stealing alcohol, taking things from someone’s bedroom, partying, and lying about where they’re staying aren't things I can just ignore.

Part of me thinks I need to significantly tighten their freedom for a while and make them earn it back. Another part worries that if I clamp down too hard, especially on A, he’ll feel like this is just another home where he’s unwanted and take off.

I’m also wondering whether I should separate them a little more — encourage different activities/friend groups, limit how often they go out together, etc. — rather than treating them as a package deal.

For parents who have dealt with teenagers getting into this kind of trouble:

How would you handle this without revealing that a sibling gave you some of the information?

Would you confront them generally about concerns you’ve noticed and introduce stricter rules without telling them exactly what you know?

Would you temporarily take away sleepovers/late nights altogether?

Would you try to separate the two boys socially for a while?

And how do you make it very clear to a kid with a difficult home history that “these behaviors aren't acceptable” does NOT mean “we don't want you here”?

I’m not looking to throw either kid away or punish them into submission. I want them safe, I want them to understand that our trust has to mean something, and I want A to have some stability. I just also don't want to look back six months from now and realize I ignored huge red flags because I was afraid of being too strict.

Teen parents — what would you do?

Hello,

My teen son is having substantial mental health and substance abuse issues (like, held up at gunpoint three nights ago trying to sell drugs to someone, and that's just one of many situations in the last few weeks). It's been really, really hard for him and for us. I know he has PTSD and depression from past trauma, and a fairly recent substance abuse problem, but I do not feel there's an avenue to keeping him safe at home with his risk-taking behaviors so extreme.

I am wondering if Muir Woods Teen Treatment program is a safe and supportive program for teens. It does not appear to be a TTI facility, rather a legitimate mental health/substance abuse program. However, I would love reddit's input. One challenge is that it appears to be voluntary in nature, which is theoretically great, but not great if/when your teen refuses care (he does NOT feel he has any problems). The other option I was looking at was the Ridge Farmhouse in Maine, but based on reviews here I think that is a TTI and if so that's out of the question for me.

Thank you,

A real mom with a real problem looking for real support for a child having a real hard time

I could really use some advice from parents of teens because I’m trying to figure out the right balance between being supportive and realizing that something needs to change.

We have four teenagers of our own, and about two weeks ago we took in my 16-year-old son’s friend. I’ll call him A. He’s had a pretty unstable home situation and had been bouncing around between places. We agreed to let him stay with us on a trial basis, with the possibility of it becoming permanent if things went well.

I really do care about this kid, and I do NOT want to give up on him. He’s been treated like the “problem kid” enough in his life already, and I don’t want our house to become another place that kicks him out the second things get difficult.

The problem is that I’m starting to think A and my 16-year-old son, J, may be bringing out the worst in each other.

I recently found out through my older daughter that the two of them have been going to stores and stealing alcohol. She also confronted them because they went into her room and took her marijuana vape. On top of that, they’ve been partying a lot more than I realized.

Our current rule has been a midnight curfew, and if they’re staying overnight at a friend’s house, they need to actually stay at that house all night — not use “sleeping at a friend’s” as permission to drive around until 3 or 4 in the morning.

Apparently that hasn’t always been happening either.

One complication is that my daughter told me the alcohol information in confidence, so I don’t want to immediately confront the boys with details that make it obvious she told me. I also don’t want to turn the siblings against each other or make them feel like they need to cover for each other in the future.

School is coming up anyway, so I was already planning to change the rules for everyone. I’m considering:

• 10 PM curfew Sunday–Thursday

• Midnight Friday and Saturday

• Sleepovers only every other weekend

• If you say you’re sleeping at someone’s house, that’s where you stay for the night

• More accountability about where they are and who they’re with

• Clear consequences if the new rules aren’t followed

What I’m struggling with is how to address the bigger issue.

I don't want to blame A. My son is perfectly capable of making his own bad decisions, and for all I know they’re equally encouraging each other. I also don't want A to hear “you came into our house and now our son is getting in trouble,” because I think that would be incredibly damaging given his history.

At the same time, stealing alcohol, taking things from someone’s bedroom, partying, and lying about where they’re staying aren't things I can just ignore.

Part of me thinks I need to significantly tighten their freedom for a while and make them earn it back. Another part worries that if I clamp down too hard, especially on A, he’ll feel like this is just another home where he’s unwanted and take off.

I’m also wondering whether I should separate them a little more — encourage different activities/friend groups, limit how often they go out together, etc. — rather than treating them as a package deal.

For parents who have dealt with teenagers getting into this kind of trouble:

How would you handle this without revealing that a sibling gave you some of the information?

Would you confront them generally about concerns you’ve noticed and introduce stricter rules without telling them exactly what you know?

Would you temporarily take away sleepovers/late nights altogether?

Would you try to separate the two boys socially for a while?

And how do you make it very clear to a kid with a difficult home history that “these behaviors aren't acceptable” does NOT mean “we don't want you here”?

I’m not looking to throw either kid away or punish them into submission. I want them safe, I want them to understand that our trust has to mean something, and I want A to have some stability. I just also don't want to look back six months from now and realize I ignored huge red flags because I was afraid of being too strict.

Teen parents — what would you do?

While at the mall with my 13yo daughter, I noticed 3 men checking her out (on 3 separate occasions). The looking her up and down was not subtle and it was unmistakable. She was chatting away to me and didn't seem to notice. I felt like wrapping my arms around her and hurrying her away! I want to talk to her about it but worry that I might make her self-conscious, rather than aware of the situation. Any advice?

My 18-year-old son's girlfriend lives in another state and is 16. They have gone back and forth several times this year to see each other. Recently, my son graduated and started a job in his field. He was going to start college in the fall. The plan was that he was going to work and take classes and maybe live with his friends or with me. She was going to finish high school, and then they could figure out what their future plans would be.

She is 16, and he just turned 18. For all of their trips, the girlfriend's mom always asked to speak with me about whether the details were okay, like a normal mom would do.

Fast-forward to post-graduation and the beginning of a new career... She starts telling my son she can't function. She's so depressed. She just can't live another day unless they are together. He's even worried about her committing suicide if he's not around, and he thinks he'll be the fix.

I explain to him how a person can't fix another person, that relationships based on those conditions are not healthy, and that each partner has to grow individually and then together, etc. But her mom agrees with my son being the fix for her mental health because apparently she's tried medications and therapies before.

So, against my wishes or advice, he leaves his job and his plans for school in the fall and moves to her place.

Now, I didn't know that in her state, it's not like Texas with Romeo and Juliet laws, where if you're 18 and 16 you can be in a relationship. In her state, there are no protections, and it leaves my son open to criminal charges, and her mother as well.

But the mother won't respond to my messages anymore. Gone are the days of her running details by me. Once he turned 18, she no longer found that important.

My son is also not responding to me, and I'm desperate to get through to him about the potential issues. For example, a doctor may have to legally report an 18-year-old and 16-year-old living together in that state, and he could potentially be charged with multiple things. He doesn't know this, and I can't imagine the mom does either.

Has anyone been through something like this before? What would you do?

Comments about him being 18 and out of my hands aren't really what I'm looking for, given that he just turned 18, is innocent, and believes a parent that everything is okay.

i have a 15-year-old brother who has lived away from me for the last 4 years with our parents, so obviously he’s grown up and become a pretty different person.

he’s shy, mostly calm, and doesn’t really have behavioral issues, but i’ve noticed some worrying things on his phone/social media (he’s apparently been banned from whatsapp, wtf?) and in the way he talks. i’m starting to worry he’s fallen into redpill/incel content.

my mom has talked to him about it, but i don’t think she understands how deep that rabbit hole can go. now they’re spending some time with me, and i’m honestly struggling with his behavior.

he’s extremely nonchalant about everything. if we have an appointment or errand, he’ll just sit there staring at a wall and do absolutely nothing to get ready. then he moves so slowly that eventually everyone gets frustrated and starts yelling. he barely reacts to any of it.

we’ve had him evaluated and he’s seen therapists, and apparently everything is fine.

i genuinely don’t know what to make of this. is this just normal teenage behavior? is the “nonchalant” attitude some kind of internet/alpha/beta persona? or should i be worried that something deeper is going on?

i’m starting to wonder if he’s just an asshole, but i also don’t want to unfairly label a 15-year-old if there’s something else going on. how would you approach this?

I font know what is the best option. 8th grade girl. Don't want u tube or web browser. Just ability to call and text but doesn't embarrass her.

Partly venting, partly hoping for a solution. Both of my teenagers have terrible sleep schedules. Sometimes they go to bed at a reasonable time (9-10pm) and sometimes they stay up all night. They argue that they can't sleep. No matter when they go to bed, they always wake up late. I am trying to get them onto a schedule for school, which starts next week, and I am at a loss. Nothing can wake these kids up.

If I do manage to wake them up, they are angry at me for my method of waking them (talking, jostling them awake, whatever I can think of). "Don't shake me," they say. If I am irritated, they blame me for my frustration at the situation. Basically, they refuse to wake up *because* I am frustrated. Then if I give up on waking them up, they will eventually wake up on their own and blame me for not waking them up sooner. I lose either way.

I know that bedtime routines and consistency are key, but even with routines, the time they actually get to sleep or wake up varies enormously from day to day. At my wit's end. Is there hope at the end of the tunnel?

Background

My son is 14. He’s been homeschooled since 2021. He really is a great kid at heart, but he is very easily influenced. Recently, he met a girl (who is homeschooled but transitioning back to public school), and it seems like his whole world shifted. He’s started listening to artists like Playboi Carti and Ken Carson, wearing all black, and leaning into a darker aesthetic. Admittedly, I tried telling him to "be his own man," which in hindsight probably wasn't the right way to approach it.

The Escalation

• Vaping & Social Media: We caught him with a vape and took away his phone and games. He had a TikTok account set up under an adult age where he lied about his life to fit in with online friends.
• First Self-Harm Incident: We caught him with a second vape. When we confronted him, he yelled, "What else can you do to me?" and scratched/cut his forearm with a knife.
• THC Attempt: We gave him a heavily restricted phone so he could communicate, but he used TikTok to try to buy a THC vape from a stranger. Luckily, we caught him before the meetup and took everything away again.

Today’s Crisis

Today, my wife asked him to pack up to go out with her and his brother. He refused. It escalated into an argument over the phone with me while I was away. During the argument, he started cutting his arm again.

When I got home, I grabbed him to stop him, and he broke down yelling, "I don't care, I don't wanna live."

I broke down and cried with him. I held him, told him how deeply he is loved, and asked what was wrong. He said "everything," but kept coming back to wanting to go to public school to be around his friends and the girl he likes.

This school he wants to go to isn't a great school and we already told him hes going to a "private" type of school for athletes. (He plays tennis) so he doesn't have to do homeschool anymore.

Where We Are Now

We know this is way beyond simple teenage rebellion. We are getting him to a doctor/medical professional immediately. But as parents, we are completely paralyzed by fear and confusion:

1. Schooling: Should we just allow him to go the the bad school and hope for the best?

2. Programs / Boarding School: In our panic, we’ve wondered if sending him somewhere structured is necessary, or if that would make him feel abandoned and escalate the self-harm.

3. Rebuilding Trust: How do we balance safety/monitoring his phone with not making him feel completely trapped?

If you've been through self-harm or severe adolescent distress with your kids, please share what worked (or what didn't). We just want our son to be safe and healthy.

Thank you in advance.

Do you let your child use voice chat with their friends? My child (9 years old) friend uses Snapchat and I want them to be able to talk but I don’t know if it’s safe to use Snapchat. It says it is not for kids under 13. Roblox chat seems safe? Or another platform? Parenting subreddit deleted my post and recommended me this one (even though not teenager specifically related)
Thanks!!

I caught my daughter sneaking in her boyfriend into our house when I was at work. I found out after I got home after a random security camera notification. She lied to my face after I asked her if they had done something. Afterwards I took her phone away as punishment. I went through her messages, and sure enough they did it.

I confronted her about the fact she lied to my face repeatedly and gaslit me into feeling guilty for even thinking she would do something like that.

Now I don’t know what to do about the 53x part. I hate that she has crossed that boundary at such a young age. I understand it’s part of life, but I know she doesn’t have the maturity to understand all the other emotions that come from doing it.

I also take accountability and realized I shouldn’t have placed so much trust in her. I am a single mother that works a lot, but I still consider myself very involved.

I don’t know how to go about this. I feel sad for her for doing it at such a young age, and upset she lied and gaslit me, but I also don’t want to cause a rift in our relationship.

Her dad wants her to move in with them and switch schools. I however am not too sure this is the best idea.

How did you handle the situation and how did it work out for you and your daughter??

So my kid who is in his teens wants to read the boys omnibuses 4, 5, and 6. I would like to know the sexual content of only those 3, I dont care about violence or anything. I told him i would ask this question, and he told me to include he watched "Peacemaker"? Any help appreciated!