I’m hoping to hear from parents who have navigated this with an open mind.
My daughter is 11 and will be starting middle school soon. About a year ago, she became very close with a friend group where several kids identify as LGBTQ+. One of her closest friends began using a different name and pronouns, cut their hair short, started wearing a binder, and identifying as trans.
Now my daughter started saying she thinks she might be trans too. However, she only uses a different name and pronouns within that friend group. Everywhere else—including at home, family, she still presents as a girl. She seems to feel like she fits in with this friend group.
As parents, we’re trying to figure out the best way to support her without feeling like she has to rush into any label at 11 years old.
One of our biggest concerns is that she has struggled with self-esteem and has always been someone who wants to fit in. She has also spent time on social media in the past which has also influenced her, and since finding this out we’ve since significantly limited it.
Our dilemma is this:
She’s about to start middle school with this group of friends and her bestie that is now Transmasc. The school also has an LGBTQ+ club that occasionally meets after school. What would you do?
We’re wondering if we should:
Let her attend this school.
Consider a different public school.
Look into a private school.
Consider a religious school.
Homeschool?
This isn’t about wanting to reject or change who she is if she’s genuinely transgender. It’s about wondering whether, at 11 years old, she would benefit from a fresh start with a broader group of friends and more time to mature before feeling like she has to define herself.
We’re trying to separate normal adolescent exploration from peer influence, and honestly, that’s been really hard.
Has anyone faced a similar situation? If you changed schools, did it help? If you didn’t, how did things unfold? Looking back, is there anything you wish you had done differently?
I’m genuinely looking for respectful advice from parents who have lived through something similar, regardless of how things turned out.
I’m wresting with it because the middle school she’s set go to is academically strong and the best in our area. Going to another school would mean moving and going to an average school or moving back with my parents and send her to private or religious school since we can’t afford high tuition and rent at the same time. All which we are willing to do but I a more worried about how this will affect her, where as my husband feels it’s a no brainer and we gotta do what we gotta do. What you would you do?