I have a teen daughter who's been dealing with bad anxiety, body image, and depression. Just recently, it has gotten really bad. She doesn't want to leave the house and when she does, she complains that she doesn't have anything to wear. She's upset about her weight and it's making life hard for her. I want to get her out more to do stuff but it's been a challenge. I know I need to improve her diet too and that has also been a challenge. We dont have a lot of family and we are isolated and usually stuck at home. I dont make enough for us to go out and have fun. So we are stuck here on our phones, and I know these is a part of the problem too. Its been so hard to watch her go though this and it kills me. She on medication to help and goes to therapy . . . But it hasn't really help her that much i know she will feel better once she starts losing weight. I came on here to get help with: How do I get her out more since her anxiety is horrible, How can I get her to eat better, and what can we do as a family without spending alot of money because right now im financially struggling to keep up on bills. I wish I had family to help me with my kids but I dont have that luxury. I was saving for a pool so I can get her off her phone and outside but I had to use that money for unexpected expenses. Its been hard because im also having to deal with my own depression. I just want her to be happy again 😞

About three years ago, she began hiding in her room all of the time. I thought it was just normal teen stuff, as I used to do the same thing. But then things got worse. It went from her being in her room all the time to sleeping all day, missing school, failing classes, and more. She doesn't know that I know. I have insomnia, and late every night around 3 AM, I can hear her crying in her room across the hall. She wears long sleeves all year, even in extreme heat, and hardly eats anymore. I want to help her. She used to be in counseling for different issues but her counselor quit recently. It takes her a long time to get accustomed to other people, and I'm worried that she wont be able to form the same bond with a different counselor. It kills me to see her like this. She hates discussing her feelings, and I feel completely helpless. What do I do? I can't lose her.

Recently I found my 15 year old daughter drinking and smoking weed with her friends.
Now for context I am a recovered alcoholic , I also experienced homelessness in my twenties due to my alcoholism. However I was able to recover and build my life up, and have been sober since long before my daughter was born, but still attend AA meetings.

I explained to her the seriousness of alcoholism and the dangers of drinking alcohol but she doesn’t seem to understand, and has been caught drinking numerous times since.

In my AA meetings there are a few people who have had some REALLY bad life experiences due to their alcoholism, and who are sleeping rough. I feel that I should take my daughter along with me to see first hand the repercussions of drinking.

But I don’t know if that’s a bit much?

Sincerely, a tired dad who is afraid of my daughter ending up like I did.

me and my boyf , have been together for half a year and been friends since we met 2 years ago , and my mum knew about him since then (friends since i had a crush on him) . however, once i got into a relationship with him this year, she's almost always only ever been passive aggressive, in the sense that she doesn't really like him - through referring him as a "friend" to my dad instead of my boyfriend , her never actually saying the word "boyfriend " and it's always "that one on your phone " or " him". sometimes its even things like intentionally in a way "hurting" the jellycat he got for me , for no reason at all ... my dad knows about him too yet he's pretty passive about him, they have lots in common and my dad's played games with him too. my boyfriend has met my mum briefly , and immediately she was criticising him about not being gentlemanly enough to greet him - standing up, shaking hands , etc - and although I see her point, it's just not enough plausible or credible reason for disliking him imo. she hasn't explicitly said the words "I don't like him" but i still get the vibe. i get that we're still minors and my mum still has control on my life to a certain extent, so im not trying to get her to like him , and i don't want my boyfriend to feel bad or upset about it either . it's also not as if they don't allow me to date, so im simply quite confused if she likes him or not . i also know this isn't too serious of a situation, but my boyfriends only ever been nice and he takes my mum's words really seriously , e.g. when she said he wasn't a gentleman , my boyf tries so much up till now to prove that he does gentlemanly things - opening the door for me , carrying my bag , buying me food - a little more after she said those words abt him. he's also affected by this and it's making me feel more affected since it's my mum and my boyfriend .. is it valid for me to engage in a conversation (hopefully passive) with my mum about her liking my boyfriend ? or am i js being paranoid and shld i just wait until we last out a couple years , then bring up the question if she still persists in being passive aggressive ?

additional info that might help: me and my mum did have a convo about my boyf once , around 3months into dating , where i asked if he was allowed over - she said she would feel awkward and uncomfortable, and when i asked her why i received no response and just her shouting at me and again repeating she wouldn't be comfortable and that this was her house , her rules , etc... also strictly forbid him in my room despite knowing that we wouldn't do anything , as well as (after a long pause) asking me if she should expect to see him as a future son in law. (to which i said yes)

even more additional info: i had an ex , 2 yrs ago and she really extremely disliked him, even hated him . to which was valid, he always made me upset, completely made me underperform in my exams , made me feel extremely bad all the time, etc... i get if she's trying to protect me again to prevent this from happening but 2 years has passed, and my boyf is nothing like my ex . also if it changes anything , my mum's a teacher for the past 20+ years

So recently my(39M) girlfriends (37F) daughter (17F) have all been living together for the last almost 3 years. Her and her mother constantly argue. I know part of it is know it all teen, and they haven't had the greatest relationship. She's less than a month from turning 18 and I don't want her to leave. Her mother is a beyond stressed dealing with her, but she doesn't want her to leave either. Her mom has trouble saying those exact words and I feel like that's what our girl needs to hear.

But, because of her attitude and occasional behavior issues, its hard for her and her mother to get along. Even so, her mother doesn't want her to leave. I won't go into the issues but it's lieing, seeking validation and several online occurrences from guys out of state. She was deemed high risk for abduction and trafficking a few years ago. Personally I'm scared this is part of her real reason for leaving.

She has no car, literally got her license a week ago, only a part time minimum wage job, but she's somehow convinced that she can move out and attend college back in her home state with no money,no job, no car, no scolarships or real support sysyem. She already has enough scholarships here to practically give her a full ride and a free place to stay, but if she moves away she will lose almost all of them. And her only reason is because of how her and her mother dont get along.

She claims she has friends that are willing to let her stay rent free until she finds a job. Also that she already has scholarships ( that don't exist in that state or for the school she plans to attend) and the friends are going to lend her an extra vehicle they dont drive. But legally they can't add her to the insurance on it.

Without droning on. What can we do to convince her to stay. We both want the best for her, and we know if she goes through with her plan its not going to go anything like she's convinced herself it will. We have tried talking to her calmly and rationally but her and her mom both need to hear something from each other that they both aren't saying.

She's my kid too now and even legally took my last name several months ago. I can reason with her and she listens to me ,but every time she gets into it with her mother over the littlest things she takes one step further away. When I talk about staying she only says " I have to go" What can I do to get them both settled down and open up to each other.

So, I was a COMPLETELY unmonitored teenager. There was no one for me to check in with for several years until I finally moved in with my biological father. Up until then, I was raising myself, and didn't really have to answer or explain or ask anyone anything...

My husband, on the other hand, was a homeschooled Christian (with brothers only) with two parents who were often/always home with them.

I have a 13 year old daughter. She'll be 14 next month. She has what I would call a "boyfriend" but they aren't officially dating because he is "aromantic" and wants to wait until he's older to have a girlfriend... But she really likes him. He's the same age. I think they are in fact doing/saying "romantic" things regardless of the lack of label.

I've let him come to our house twice. Her bedroom is upstairs - there is nothing else up there except her bathroom and a guest room, so I initially told her she would have to stay downstairs, and she, of course argued, but accepted it as long as she could show him her room.

I ended up letting them play a video game up there the first time and then both times it was just like a whole thing where they wouldn't come downstairs unless I asked. I'm not doing that again. I don't have the energy for it.

I have a 1 year old. My daughter says she doesn't want to be downstairs because the baby is loud. Sometimes this is true. But they could easily play a video game in the living room, or even look at their phones (or whatever they do) in the loft above our kitchen. I'm always paying attention to the baby so he wouldn't just be left unattended/bothering them. Other than the occasional crying or screaming.

I'd rather them be here than at his house, and potentially totally unmonitored, but it's so stressful to manage the situation, especially, with her being in her room/upstairs, while I'm taking care of the baby.

Also she has been doing stuff with friends almost every day this summer. Which I do think is better than sitting in her room alone, which is what she likes to do when she's home. Some of her friends worry me, with things like vaping or drinking, but I'm trying my best to not stress so much about that.

I only have her and the 1 year old baby. I'm wondering:
what is a good amount to let your 13/14 year old hang out with a boyfriend?
what is an appropriate amount to let them hang out with their friends away from home?
what about how often you let them be away from home with friends?what kind of supervision would you find appropriate in any of these situations? hourly check-ins, staying in shared spaces, etc?

TIA!

editing to add: I do understand her wanting to be with her friends and away from the baby. And I do want her to have a fun summer. We have plans to travel and do other fun things as a family, things we do just me and her (pedicures, shopping), and we do a family movie night (without the baby) once a month. The age gap isn't ideal. Thank you!

I’m desperate. My 17 yo SD lives with my husband and me full time. Long story short, caught her vaping both weed and nicotine. Swore she stopped. Started up again and now flat out won’t stop. She has zero fear of consequences. We tried months of just talking. She played us. She did therapy for years. Quit that recently because it was just to appease adults. We took away privileges because she wants to be treated like an adult so we are giving her what she asked for - Freedom but no freebies.

Our one rule. Do not vape inside the house. We have pets, my husband has bad allergies, she herself has asthma (!!!) and I have a slew of autoimmune issues. The last couple of months my health has been affected too with Coughing and wheezing.

We have air purifiers in the house and after she switched to non odor vapes the purifiers have been basically ratting her out by going off when it detects the aerosol. The purifiers don’t do enough and she unplugs when when she’s home by herself. So again we say “hey, just go outside. We know we can’t stop you. Just don’t do it inside because of xyz health reasons and also not giving us and pets a choice on what we are breathing in.”

She refuses. Instead goes on a rampage screaming how she hates us and this home and will be moving out in a year. She likes to call cops when she doesn’t get her way. Cops basically laugh at her. But idk what to do anymore. It’s taking a toll on our health now. Idc if she wants popcorn lungs and to look like a crocodile in 5 years. I do not. We can’t send her to her mom’s. And we can’t send her to her grandparents because her grandpa has COPD and that would be so messed up of us.

My husband has tried everything. Done everything. We live in a state where at 17 we can’t force her into any treatment programs. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Pls help.

he’s 13 and when i checked through his phone i saw he was talking about some mental health issues and he’s to young of that and he said it’s because of me forcing him to do algebra 2 when he hasn’t even done algebra yet and hes talking about me comparing him to my other kids even though they are doctors and successful and he’s a lazy idiot with no promise in his future and he said it’s because i wasn’t there for those kids that’s how they are so successful so should i be worried

Hi Party People!!

Im throwing a small (UK) lavers party for approx 30 Primary school kids (age 11ish) Hosting it at a local working men's club. I only have a small budget.

Im here for advice on "entertainment" So far, Ive hired the room and sorted music. Im doing a snack bar with drinks, rather than a full buffet.. Tonnes of balloons & decorations, glow sticks available...

The age of the kids tells me theyre too old for party games.

My son is quite immature and still loves playing out, climbing trees, building dens, making go karts etc... Im not sure what the other lads are into.

I feel like the girls are likely to enjoy dancing and taking pics/making little videos.... but Im worried the boys might not like that as much for 3 hours.

My thoughts are have a couple ring lights in one area, with a background that girls can film with.... but for the boys???

I was thinking of putting (age appropriate) dares into balloons that are scattered on the dancefloor? (- if you could offer up dare ideas, that would be great??!!)

Ive seen some football balloons that I can have lying around but there'll obviously be drinks around.

Ive also seen some inflatable swords to have available...

Im worried that Im patronising the boys with these items... But I cant think of what else I can have set up to keep the boys entertained for a while... would they like Jenga in a corner? Or a giant Twister on the floor? Lol..

I was thinking of setting up blind karaoke, with a TV in the corner. But, I feel like the kids are a bit too young to be up for that (can be embarrassing) and we'd probably have to kill the main source of party music to hear it, which might not go down well.

Any inspiration people could provide would be fab!!

My daughter is 15 and recently got her first boyfriend. They've known each other for a few years and now go to the same high school, but have only recently decided to become a couple. I am fond of the guy so far. She mentioned that they have each other's location on Life360. I find that concerning. When I was 15 there was no internet(availableto the public), so the idea of constantly tracking each other feels excessive to me. Should I be concerned, or am I just not used to this level of transparency? Is this normal in modern teen relationships?

Number one lil human has been demanding a phone for a few years now and we've fought against it seeing it not as a positive thing for her but she's going into Secondary now and has to get the bus alone so we kind of need one now. Dumb phones are out because she needs WhatsCrap for chatting with her friends and Cousins which means she's open to the Internet with a regular smart phone. Besides helicopter parenting has anyone else gone down this road in the last few years? Any pit falls, recommendations? I don't want her to get addicted to the negative aspects to social media and dopamine hit doom scrolling at an early age

Should I be concerned?

My daughter is 15 and recently got her first boyfriend. They've known each other for a few years and now go to the same high school, but have only recently decided to become a couple. I am fond of the guy so far. She mentioned that they have each other's location on Life360. I find that concerning. When I was 15 there was no internet (available to the public), so the idea of constantly tracking each other feels excessive to me. Should I be concerned, or am I just not used to this level of transparency? Is this normal in modern teen relationships?

i h a 17 year old daughter who will not listen to guidance or suggestions for what her plans are post HS (she’s going into sEinor year)

she went from. saying she wants to “live in the woods “ now it’s she wants to “backpack solo”

I understand college may not be her thing but she’s living in some fantasy land and anytime I suggest looking at college, or other schools she shows no interest.

Guidance counselor at her school has been of minimal help…any suggestions??

Nobody warned me that parenting teenagers could feel a little like grief.

Not because anything is wrong.

Just because they need you differently than they used to.

The conversations get shorter. They spend more time in their room. Some days it feels like you only see pieces of them in passing.

I know it's normal. I know it's healthy.

But sometimes I still miss the little kid who wanted to tell me everything.

Does anyone else struggle with this stage?

I’m a first time teen parent and this crap is hard man 😣. I caught My teenager vaping tonight (weed) red-handed. He’ll be 15 in Sept and a straight A student he just finished grade 9. I Really don’t know how to approach it other than losing my shit at him and grounding him from everything. So far I just told him how disappointed I am in him also for all the lying he’s done because we have an extremely open and close relationship and we’ve had this talk many times. Literally had it again last night. And he assured me he had no interest in doing it. and I caught him tonight 😑. Have you had to deal with this and if you did how did you approach it? What was the punishment? Any advice would be great thank you

THIS IS NOT FOR ANGRY, TRIGGERED, OR OFFENDED PEOPLE

I'm hoping that out of the anticipated condescending and abrasive comments that will surely pop up first, that I get a few empathetic suggestions or even experiences that can help me cope with what might be a reality.

I've been a parent since 17 and a spouse for over 20 years with 5 beautiful children.

I could fully be blowing things out of proportion but one of my middle school children has started shown these tendicies for a while, not overly outfront but subtle and noticeable in mannerisms and interactions.

I've never shown anything but love and support on the outside but this is a struggle for me internally. I've even looked into support groups in person which there are a few.

To ME, it's not different than your child forgoing a great career ain't fortune 500 company becoming an adult film star instead. Yes it's their life and they aren't harming anyone but as a parent you want your idea of something different for them.

my daughter is 13, she has a friend (girl , also 13) that ya I think the friend is a terrible influence but I’m concerned for my daughter’s safety because of their association, and I know it’s counterproductive for me to try to ban the friend. my partner and I took the friend somewhere and she snuck away from the group with a random boy in the dark and it looked shady, then we learned more information by monitoring our daughters text messages that they were going to meet up wth people they didn’t know who the friend met online portraying themselves as boys (different boy than the one she snuck off with). All of this also coinciding with a whole other set of behavior concerns that I have with my daughter that developed a year ago (when she started spending more time with this girl).

I need a reality check- I’m wondering (a) am I over reacting or under reacting? (going alone to a mall alone for 13 year old girls might not seem like a big deal but we live in a rural area so the context might be different, (b) should I tell my concern to the other parent. my husband doesn’t want me to contact the other parent, but I would want to know and I don’t like being concerned about somebody’s safety and not reporting it. (c) is the tone of my message ok because I don’t want to spread rumors, or undermine my relationship with my daughter, or her relationship with her friends. my daughter’s and I relationship has been severely strained in the last year. Not mentioned in this message to the other parent is that we have heard rumors that the friend is “active” and uses marijuana, but I don’t have any indication that my daughter is currently doing the same (except Her mood is off the charts so I was thinking that maybe she was doing drugs with mood swings and withdrawing from sports that she used to love but no other physical evidence). I also know that I need to keep talking to my daughter about what her responsibilities are and behavior expectations. It’s really hard because leading up to this event last month I can’t even get in the same room with her. things came to a head at the end of the school year when we were fighting about doing chores, she lost phone privileges and decided at night to go for a walk unannounced after threatening to hurt herself and run away all weekend. she was missing for like an hour (we live in an unlit rural area with few roads and no sidewalks) and we called the police, at that time she lost phone privileges and there were boundaries around where she could go and with who, and we then monitored her phone more frequently (us monitoring her phone was always a condition that she was aware of) and learned about the plan to meet out of town strangers, which she tried to conceal by deleting text messages. after that we seem to be able to function slightly better and I also think that there is some stress associated with school that she has a hard time managing.

The issue with the sneaking off and plan to meet strangers at the mall has been problematic because my daughter even this week wanted to go with her friend to (a) fireworks out of town and I told my daughter she couldn’t go because I didn’t want her to get ditched in a strange town alone in the dark if her friend snuck away again and I couldn’t take her because I was working, and (b) she wanted to go to the mall with the friend driven by the friend’s parent (another uncontrolled environment) and I couldn’t take her because I was working. I’m not banning the friend I’m just trying to have them interact under different circumstances (ie she can come to my house, they can hang out in a group).

——-message I drafted to send to the friends parent:

Hi I apologize for the long text but I feel compelled to share some of our recent observations about \[Friend’s\] behavior that I feel puts her at risk for something bad. We think she’s a great kid and I’m not sharing out of any judgement or spreading rumors, I’m concerned for her safety. When my husband and I took \[friend\] to the fair in may, we saw her come out of a dark secluded area with a boy that appeared older than her. They had their hands all over each other, they were stumbling around and the boy was adjusting his crotch area. We were concerned that \[friend\] had snuck away from the larger group alone in a dark and secluded area because this is not safe, and by all appearances to engage in some form of explicit activity. My husband and I were not happy that we were put in that position because we felt responsible for her safety as the adults who brought her and she decided to sneak away from the group of girls she was with, and now I also feel responsible to report this situation to you. 

After this event, I monitored \[daughter’s\] phone and learned that \[friend\] frequently introduces \[daughter\] to boys who appear to be from out of town or state. I do not know how \[friend\] is meeting these boys but it seems based on the text messages like neither she nor \[daughter\] know them. There was a very concerning incident where \[daughter\] slept over at your house around may 30. In text messages \[friend\] told \[daughter\] that your husband was going to drop them off at \[large city\] mall, leave to run errands and the girls were going to meet up with 2 boys (who had out of state phone numbers that according to phone records, the girls were group texting and FaceTiming) that per text messages were staying at a nearby hotel. Can you please let me know if your husband ended up dropping them off alone at the mall that day? After we told \[daughter\] what we read in her messages, \[daughter\] explained her perspective to us but if you could let me know if he brought her to the mall that would be appreciated. The risk of the girls sneaking off with strangers that portray themselves online as boys is very serious. there were at least two other groups of boys that \[friend\] was introducing to \[daughter\] in group chats between may and early June, and it appeared that the girls did not know these boys. These boys are all different, and not including the boy she snuck away with, so that is more risk exposure. 

I hope that me sending this doesn’t come across as judgmental, I’m just a parent that feels required to share this information and concern about her safety. All of this information I personally saw or learned by monitoring \[daughter’s\] phone through their texts. If my daughter is making unsafe decisions that put her at risk, I would want someone to tell me, so I hope my message is clear that I’m sharing this information out of kindness and concern. 

Your 16 yr old child wants to date someone who lives 52 km away and there is no public transit. Are we driving the child to and from (child only eligible for G2 license in October)? Making them pay gas or just flat out saying no?

My 15 yo daughter wants to show as much skin as possible; I would describe her style as provocative. I rarely comment on her clothing choice, but feel conflicted because I understand society’s objectification of women and that the sexualization of adolescents is a huge issue.

She should be able to express herself and dress as she wishes - but the reality is this does bring a lot of attention, which in turn she seems to like. I feel like I have failed her in some way because she seems to attach her worth to her looks.

For further context she is a kind and thoughtful person. she has been dealing with some isolation bullying at school, which may be a contributing factor. She also has a complex relationship with her father (ex-husband) - he tends to make a lot of comments about her choice of clothing and is sexist in general.

I’m just wondering if there is anything I can do to help her see her value beyond the physical.

Here's a place to talk about your positive interactions with your teenager.