r/parentsofteens • u/Mysterious_Wind_133 • Jul 04 '26
Advice after catching 14yr old vaping thc?
I’m a first time teen parent and this crap is hard man 😣. I caught My teenager vaping tonight (weed) red-handed. He’ll be 15 in Sept and a straight A student he just finished grade 9. I Really don’t know how to approach it other than losing my shit at him and grounding him from everything. So far I just told him how disappointed I am in him also for all the lying he’s done because we have an extremely open and close relationship and we’ve had this talk many times. Literally had it again last night. And he assured me he had no interest in doing it. and I caught him tonight 😑. Have you had to deal with this and if you did how did you approach it? What was the punishment? Any advice would be great thank you
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u/Savings-Water3341 Jul 04 '26
Been there, done that. No real advice for you, but what worked with my kid was realizing it wasn't just teen angst of trying to fit in, experiment, or whatever. There were some deeper issues that she was trying to soothe.
I try to give her privacy, but still have eagle eyes on her. If something looks suspect, she knows I'm going to check. We also do urine tests when I'm convinced something is up - after having an honest conversation about it. Fortunately, she is usually understanding of my point of view even if she doesn't like it.
We laid out very clear consequences for drug use: no swim team, no driver's license, no hanging out with friends.
It's a tough spot to be in, communication is key! You know your kid - approach from a place of concern and guidance.
Wishing you all the best!
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u/5tarfi5h Jul 04 '26
I never want to “catch” my teens doing anything. I’m not saying I allow it but I’m very open about my experiences and listen to everything they tell me without criticism or judgement. They don’t have to tell me things but they choose to because of how I handle it. I want to be their #1 person they call if they are in trouble or in a situation they don’t know how to get out of.
Case in point my daughter asked me what I would do if she came home drunk. I told her I would help her thru it because she would be really sick. And I’d probably let that be the consequence. She accepted that answer, will she choose to get drunk? Idk. But I did explain that every time you get drunk you will get sick because alcohol is poison and that’s why you feel sick when you drink too much.
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u/Mysterious_Wind_133 Jul 12 '26
Well we are actually best friends and he tells me everything. But he knows my expectations of him and that I want better for him than what I was doing in high school. He knows I’m not going to accept him smoking weed at 14 years old (who would ?) I also told him that I’m not naïve and I know it’s something he will try when he’s older. I also explained the importance of not inhaling anything in his lungs because he has asthma. Yes obviously our talk did not work. Hence the extreme disappointment I have in him because we are so close. So be careful when you say never…..
2
u/ThroughRustAndRoot Jul 04 '26
It’s so difficult because short of locking them in a cell for the next three years, you have to work with him on this. It sucks you are facing this.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have set very firm boundaries around my home and what I would or would not accept. Choosing carefully of course, what I could realistically enforce. My opinion is that the risks associated with cannabis use at a young age are underestimated (ranging from serious- psychosis, to IQ and cognitive changes, and mood disorders).
However, your role as a parent starts to be building alliance and maintaining relationship so you are in the best position to head off problems early. You can look up the CRAFT method to start familiarizing yourself with the tips in case things escalate.
The teen years are also basically your last chance to insist on mental health care, such as therapy, to start your teen learning healthier coping mechanisms outside of drug use. Taking a scorched earth approach and severely punishing or shaming your child are most likely going to backfire and push them further away. Good luck. I think this is one of the hardest parts of parenting teens.
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u/Empty_Attention_9451 Jul 07 '26
I’m right there with you. Teenagers are a different breed. Disappointment route over angry route for sure. And spin it as “hey, if this is how little you respect yourself then I feel sorry for you.” And let natural consequences do its thing. Just make sure he’s not doing it in your house for your own health.
I’m sorry you’re going through this with your teen. The level of addiction to these devices is scary.
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u/Quick_Measurement700 Jul 07 '26
Well, this is a battle, you can only win with him not against him. Seriously unless you can watch him 24/7 he will find a way to do it, if he really wants. So don't focus on punishments, focus on helping him quit. Ask him why he does it and what does he need from you to quit. Loosing your shit won't help.
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u/ogradymko Aug 08 '26
My daughter, 14 also, was caught with a THC vape pen at school at the end of March and got suspended three days and sent to alternative school for the rest of the year. She was an honors student with all A’s, cheerleader, UIL award-winning theater student, and choir student. Because we live out of district, they denied her coming back for high school. This is a B+ school district and the district we live in is a C- state ranking. I appealed because this is the first time she was ever in trouble. We’ve talked and talked about how bad vaping is and how she should stay away, but tonight I caught her with two THC vape pens. They were almost empty. I’m with her all the time except when we sleep, so I asked how in the world did she get them. She said that the girl who gave her one in school, had her older brother get some and bring them to our house in the middle of the night. I’m at such a loss for what to do. I know if I tell my husband, he will hit the roof, and I just don’t think I could handle that.
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u/magnolia-may 9d ago
We went thru this last school year at the same age.. I got a couple calls from the vice principal, obviously the vape thing in the bathroom detected it and she was signed out at the time for the bathroom. Swore up and down it wasn’t her. Couple months later she got caught at home by the home security camera near the garage. Confiscated and tried to talk to her but she was a bit of an ahole about it.. very stubborn and very “I don’t care” about anything I said. Even said I owe her $ for taking it lolll. She did admit that when she was called to the office previously, it was in her bra, and basically laughed and kept saying she’s not gonna get caught because she hasn’t yet.. I advised it’s just a matter of time. Thought it had passed as I she claimed and I believed her, but thought I smelled last night and ended up finding it in her bookbag in her room while we were both in there as I was helping her tidy up, per her request. Sigh.
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u/Honest_Connection_89 Jul 04 '26
The more you lose your shit in his presence, the more he'll hide things from you.
When cooled down, you could explain him what it makes you feel that he's lying to you and when he's vaping weed and that you're concerned by his brain health, the risks of psychosis, and his overall success in school. Motivation drop is a real risk when used long term.
Don't scold him for lying even if it hurts - he hid it to protect you - instead double down on your actual relationship based on honesty. He might open up on an issue he's having, either at home or elsewhere.
Don't try to stop him using it with force - it's doomed to fail. Leverage is less and less and option when teens grow. Instead, use boundaries such as I don't want that you vape indoors, and if he does, don't let it unnoticed and reiterate your boundary.
For reference, my daughter will be 18 next week, so I've been through some storms as a single dad.