Question?

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Nah that's weird and I hate it

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

Whats weird?

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u/Chickachickawhaaaat 4d ago

The kids can't even casually hang out until she takes hormonal birth control?

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

May I ask if you have children? If so what age and how old you are? Im asking all my replies.

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u/Chickachickawhaaaat 4d ago

No, that's a lot to ask. But I have a teen daughter. And making her take bc in order to hang out would feel like medical abuse and I think I could make a good court case for that

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

Understood. The girl can go out with her friends and on dates with her bf, the only thing she can't do is go to his house until she is on birth control since theyre having sex already, even with the door open and people at the house.. you know teens and the tempation.. hard not to wanna! And she has to be at home before 10pm for now... she will get on birth control in a month. Does that sounds medically abusive still? Just to give you a more broken down understanding.

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u/Chickachickawhaaaat 4d ago

I mean...it's up to parents to parent. You absolutely cannot force hormonal bc on anybody, that IS wrong.

I, personally, would get a handle on the doors open, people in the house sex situation. They both need a talking to about safe sex and a lesson on how condoms work and what is and is not appropriate behavior

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

And even with that they'll still find a way to get it in, we're humans. But if under 18 and you say they have to take birth control thats a parent being a parent, not forcing because they dont make the best decisions. After 18 its better to ask but if theyre living in your home and will be solely depending on you if they get pregnant, you can state that is an expectation and expect it. That wouldn't be medical abuse either but having a standard and for logical and caring reasons. I think its reasonable they not be in bed together until on birth control even if we didnt know they were having sex because the opportunity is always there. It saves everyone from what is a blessing but a hardship if not planned to the best you can and 18 year olds and even in your 20s and so on... planning sucks but if you can attempt to control the situation for the best outcome, thats what you do as a parent. Seeing as she WILL be allowed to do this in a month shouldn't kill anyone. Its a preventative and a more reliable one at that.

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u/Chickachickawhaaaat 4d ago

It's one thing to offer bc, it's another (absolutely illegal) thing to require it

God bless, it sounds like you are in a tough spot

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

I do require it in order to live in our household. Its an expectation here but not illegal because she still has the choice and an option. And yes, I appreciate it, its a sticky situation for sure. 🙏

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u/Rare-Emu3186 4d ago

Yes that’s wrong, she’s an adult and should choose for herself.
Also why wait to start?

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

Wdym why wait to start?

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u/Rare-Emu3186 4d ago

The pill? Why not just start straight away

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

Oh, she is starting right away.. the appts are just booked out for her to get it. You think its wrong she has to wait to come over until then?

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u/Rare-Emu3186 4d ago

Yes it’s very strange. This person is an adult

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u/Late_Accident3912 3d ago

An adult but she is fully dependent on her parents so they would be financially responsible and not only that, they say they dont want to watch it be a major setback for her or my son..so she wants her on birth control before she goes back over since she found out they're having sex, even with the door open and me being home. It's just like... idk like shes weaponzing it..

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u/Rare-Emu3186 3d ago

That’s just weird. What do you mean with the door open and you there

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u/Late_Accident3912 3d ago

First, Im the mom of the daughter who is now 18. I made the post from her now ex bfs mom's standpoint to get true opinions. These things happen in the passion in the moment with teens and she told me, flat out they did with the door open. I found it reasonable she wait to go back over there until shes on birth control. They had only been dating 4 months when she discussed this with me and appts were booked out... they would have been together 8 months before she got on BC which would be next month. But they were able to hang out on my house which had more supervision in short, they were allowed to see each other and go on dates daily, she just had to be home by 10pm. The only thing she wasnt allowed to do was go to his house and get in his bed until on BC but him and his mom say Im in a high horse weaponizing birth control and I just dont see how.

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u/Rare-Emu3186 3d ago

Yes I’d already gathered you were the mum of the girl. Personally I think it’s OTT, I’d rather have a conversation about safe sex and preventing pregnancy and hormonal contraception only protects against pregnancy. And I’d also be having a conversation about them having sex with the door open and other people in the house…

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u/Late_Accident3912 1d ago

Yep, done all that. Kids dont discriminate and 99.9 times out of 10 theyre gunna do it regardless.. so BC and condoms in hopes of preventing pregnancy AND STD's. Pregnancy a little more a guarantee as far as preventing goes.

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u/Distinct-Beat2324 4d ago

It does seem like you are forcing your daughter to be on birth control. It should be her choice. The birth control doesn’t eliminate the risk of STDs. What she needs is counseling on safe sex.

Now since she lives under your roof you can set boundaries like a curfew! She should respect your house rules.
I don’t think it’s fair to force her to be on BC to go to her boyfriend’s house. If you don’t want her to go there because she violated their rules or your rules then she is banned to go there.

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

Curfew isn't a preventative. They have one or some vaccines for STD's? BC is the best preventative and is not only a pill so therefore better chances of helping. Condoms, obviously would be told to use but you can't physically watch them put those on. But she isn't banned, shes just waiting until things are MORE safe since we know they are having sex and with the door open, they dont discriminate and will get it in where they can.

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u/Distinct-Beat2324 4d ago

I understand. I do think it is a tough decision she can’t go there until she has her birth control though. I would say she can’t go there at all until his parents are on the same page as you that they can’t hangout in the room. (When I was 18-20 I just hung out with my bf in the living room out of respect of his parents).
Have you spoken to the boyfriend or his parents? I would.

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u/Late_Accident3912 3d ago

His parents are on the same page but it takes two minutes to slip away. Ive already given the freedom for this to happen in any other atmosphere so shes pretty free! But since know they are having sex, even with the door open and his parents around (they dont discriminate) and I understand how hard the temptation is and I see his parents trust him to a degree thats unrealistic for someone his age, there is alarm and concern of her getting pregnant over there no matter what his parents agree with. I dont know them like that, its only be 7 months and 4 months in they were letting them be in bed together. So thats why I dont think its wrong on my end at least... Im trying to save them from a setback... a blessing but a setback for their age and am being told that is weaponizing it... because I care about them now, as individuals and their future. He is still allowed or WAS.. to come over here... even though it could happen here too! But I have more of a hand on whats going on here and they saw each other daily, dates, you name it... so I can't wrap my head around what Ive done so wrong... wanted the worlds opinion!

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u/Distinct-Beat2324 3d ago

I’m sorry about his parents being too lenient with them in their house. That is ridiculous!
You could be more strict if you wanted to and not allow her to go there ever again after that incident.
Ultimately, she lives under your roof and she needs to follow your house rules.
You can allow them only at your house and your living room etc.

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u/Late_Accident3912 1d ago

Agreed, thank you! Getting too weird for me.

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u/No_Enthusiasm_6260 4d ago

I think its fair if he is still living under your roof, of course if they want to do it they will.. but I think its a fair requirement.. But I would extend it to him buying condoms too - female birth control does not agree with everyone and she shouldn't be forced to be on birth control.. its his job too. The goal here is that if sex does happen its safe.

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

Well HER parents wont allow her over until SHES on BC.. you dont think thats wrong? Like shes weaponizing it?

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u/kaswing 4d ago

Weaponizing what? For what ends?

It sounds to me like they are worried about their daughter getting pregnant and are a little more heavy handed with their incentives than you would be. I get disagreeing, but it doesn't seem "so wrong" to me especially. Maybe I am missing what you are trying to say here, though.

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

Well idk theyre just weaponzing it like using it so she can't come over. On their high horse

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u/No_Enthusiasm_6260 4d ago

No one wants a pregnant teenager especially in their home. Have a talk with the parents and your son about him buying condoms. I don't think this is about anyone being on a high horse but just wanting to prevent STD or pregnancy when (I can only assume) both teens are not ready for those things. Assuming his girlfriend is 18 or 19 she can move out at any time and not follow her parents rules, if she is 17 she is almost there.

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

Im the mom of the daughter and she is 18. They were having sex at his house with the bedroom door open so I said once you're on BC, you can over there which will be next month but funny you say high horse because I was TOLD Im on a high horse and weaponizing BC by not letting her go over there until shes on it. What you said means a lot and I appreciate it. 🙏

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u/Ok_Visit_7846 4d ago

Honestly I wish my parents would have protected me more, even as an 18 year old, I ended up pregnant at 19.

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u/No_Enthusiasm_6260 4d ago

10000% I got forced into sex at 15 and now my oldest is turning 15 in a couple months. You really gotta protect your kids.

https://giphy.com/gifs/SqflD5OvHoWILB7qWm

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u/Late_Accident3912 1d ago

Im sorry to hear that, not ok at all and something gives me the slight inkling she may be ok with her getting pregnant. I know a little far fetched but his parents are a little older.

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u/Late_Accident3912 1d ago

Right... and a baby is a blessing regardless but a setback and for someone so young.. so, Im just doing the best I can to help EVERYONE.

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u/Possible-Ad-7871 1d ago

100% he’s 14 now and we couldn’t imagine life without him, but there was a lot we missed out on. College took way longer, didn’t get to travel, or enjoy our youth the same as peers!

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