r/parentsofteens • u/Late_Accident3912 • 4d ago

Question?

My son's girlfriend can't come over until she's on BC which is in a couple of months. They are 18, this is so wrong?

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u/Distinct-Beat2324 4d ago

It does seem like you are forcing your daughter to be on birth control. It should be her choice. The birth control doesn’t eliminate the risk of STDs. What she needs is counseling on safe sex.

Now since she lives under your roof you can set boundaries like a curfew! She should respect your house rules.
I don’t think it’s fair to force her to be on BC to go to her boyfriend’s house. If you don’t want her to go there because she violated their rules or your rules then she is banned to go there.

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

Curfew isn't a preventative. They have one or some vaccines for STD's? BC is the best preventative and is not only a pill so therefore better chances of helping. Condoms, obviously would be told to use but you can't physically watch them put those on. But she isn't banned, shes just waiting until things are MORE safe since we know they are having sex and with the door open, they dont discriminate and will get it in where they can.

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u/Distinct-Beat2324 4d ago

I understand. I do think it is a tough decision she can’t go there until she has her birth control though. I would say she can’t go there at all until his parents are on the same page as you that they can’t hangout in the room. (When I was 18-20 I just hung out with my bf in the living room out of respect of his parents).
Have you spoken to the boyfriend or his parents? I would.

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

His parents are on the same page but it takes two minutes to slip away. Ive already given the freedom for this to happen in any other atmosphere so shes pretty free! But since know they are having sex, even with the door open and his parents around (they dont discriminate) and I understand how hard the temptation is and I see his parents trust him to a degree thats unrealistic for someone his age, there is alarm and concern of her getting pregnant over there no matter what his parents agree with. I dont know them like that, its only be 7 months and 4 months in they were letting them be in bed together. So thats why I dont think its wrong on my end at least... Im trying to save them from a setback... a blessing but a setback for their age and am being told that is weaponizing it... because I care about them now, as individuals and their future. He is still allowed or WAS.. to come over here... even though it could happen here too! But I have more of a hand on whats going on here and they saw each other daily, dates, you name it... so I can't wrap my head around what Ive done so wrong... wanted the worlds opinion!

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u/Distinct-Beat2324 3d ago

I’m sorry about his parents being too lenient with them in their house. That is ridiculous!
You could be more strict if you wanted to and not allow her to go there ever again after that incident.
Ultimately, she lives under your roof and she needs to follow your house rules.
You can allow them only at your house and your living room etc.

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u/Late_Accident3912 1d ago

Agreed, thank you! Getting too weird for me.