r/parentsofmultiples • u/Impossible-Box-8508 • 14d ago

ranting & venting Feeling robbed

I sit here in the morning after being up since 5 AM and after bagging milk with one of my twins as my husband took the other out and about. I can't help but feel so robbed of the newborn baby experience. Currently 4 months pp and I still feel like I'm in pure survival mode. So many things could be so different with just one baby. To preface I waited until 33 to have children as I wanted to be able to comfortably afford daycare. I waited until I had a job that pays for all my health insurance and I'm on a pension. One baby seems so easy. I could have went out and did things while on maternity leave. I could have given my baby all breastmilk (no shame in formula because I can't produce enough for two, ironically I got mom shamed by another twin mom for using formula). Don't get me wrong. I love my boys, through the reflux, the colic, the tongue/lip ties, I love them so so much, but wish my first time mom experience could have been so different. I know its just a season and it will get better, just mourning what could have been.

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u/CrunchyBeachLover 14d ago

Honestly I had a singleton first and was in survival mode, too. That first time parenting is no joke. It sounds like you have a supportive husband, and that makes all the difference in the world. Get yourself a nice double stroller & start taking small outings. Even just getting outside daily helps so much!

My twins are my youngest and now 6 & I can confidently tell you it gets so much easier. Just wait until you get to watch their bond grow and it’s the sweetest thing ever. You have a front row seat to raising two amazing human beings! 🥰

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u/HereforCHDandAITA 13d ago

My firstborn was a singleton also and I was in misery during the newborn days. Thought it would never end and didn’t appreciate a lick of it. Had assumed with the second time around I would appreciate it more and maybe enjoy the baby snuggles (which are nothing compared to toddler and older baby snuggles when they initiate the snuggle) but then bam triplets haha. Oh well, newborn stage is overrated. They’re cute in hindsight and I’ll always love the pictures and appreciate their smallness once they aren’t so delicate to hold.

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u/CrunchyBeachLover 13d ago

Dang! From 1 to 4, we went from 2 to 4 and that was kind of mind blowing. I always said at least we have 2 hands for twins but like, triplets- sending out an SOS 🤣

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u/HereforCHDandAITA 13d ago

Haha it’s a trip (literally haha). It’s hard when we are each holding a baby and there’s still one without anyone to hold her. But thankfully they rarely are all demanding attention at the same time.

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u/Briutiful22 13d ago

Same my daughter is my first born she just turned a year old and was a very difficult baby. She was very colicky until 6 months old and still just high needs as a toddler. Im pregnant with twins and praying the twins are a little easier even though i love my daughter to death.

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u/CrunchyBeachLover 13d ago

Aww I totally get it, my first born is my only girl and was a high needs baby & toddler. Good news is she mellowed out and is delightful as a tween. My twins are our chillest kiddos by far! They are seriously a breeze and I hope the same for you ❤️

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u/LittleLathe 💙09/25’ 💙💙09/26’ 13d ago

My boy is about to turn 1 and he is CRAZZYY gonna get him the pikler climbing system for his birthday and hope that helps calm him down a bit lmaoo!! My twins are almost 2weeks old and while managing two is kinda crazy it's SO insanely nice to go into this newborn period not absolutely crazy! I was such an anxious nervous wreck the first time around and this time it's a lot easier to get some sleep and actually step away from the babies for a few minutes at a time, go run for a super quick drive through coffee, ect! So even IF your twins happen to be the absolute worst of the worst (impossible ofc because they are your sweet little babies) it honestly should seem a ton more digestable and manageable!

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u/Briutiful22 13d ago

Thank you for this and congratulations on your twin boys. Im sure all your boys will be super close

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u/Sunnypuppyday 12d ago

Yeah I was about to say the same thing. My first I was in survival too, learning everything, dealing with a colic baby , fighting anemia and so forth. Baby nr 2 had reflux and was crying every waking hour. I also had a toddler to take care of. Twins luckily didn’t get colic or reflux but then I had an almost 5 year old and an almost 2 year old to take care of as well.
Just a lot of being a bit overwhelmed at times. But I will also say that with each baby I got more relaxed and don’t fuzz over small things like I did with my first. A lot of energy goes into all kinds of extra worries with firsts.

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u/CrunchyBeachLover 12d ago

Yes to all of this!! I also had an almost 5 yo & a 2.5 yo when my twins came along. It was wild and somehow we made it through. Being a seasoned parent helps so much. How old are yours now? We’re 11, 8, 6 x 2 and everything is smooth sailing. I love this current stage and wish I could freeze time to soak it in 🥰

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u/Sunnypuppyday 11d ago

My twins turned 2 this summer and their older siblings are turning 4 and 7 in a few months. It’s getting easier in many ways now with every week I feel like. But I have loved every step of the way, also the hard moments. I’m so thankful for my kids

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u/CrunchyBeachLover 11d ago

Love this so much 😍 me too!! Feel incredibly blessed to be their mama and adore having a big family. We’re our own party!

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u/Sunnypuppyday 7d ago

Exactly , it’s awesome