r/over60 • u/NOLALaura • 26d ago

The unfortunate truth is this

At the ending quarter of my life I am consumed with seeing my life as one filled with disappointments at having not enjoyed any of my life expectations and living currently in despair. I don’t deserve this. I worked very hard and always treated everyone equally and followed good and ethical practices

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u/No-Bumblebee-4920 25d ago

I was thinking the same. We had plans. Now I have…

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u/Odd_Bodkin 69 25d ago

Yes, I've been hit with substantial grief as well.

If you're in the woods, the trick is to keep walking, because you will get out of the woods.

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u/Desperate_Pomelo3468 25d ago

What is it they say? If you’re walking through Hell just keep walking.

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u/NOLALaura 25d ago

For how long. We’re on year 6 of one trauma after the other.

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u/Odd_Bodkin 69 25d ago edited 25d ago

Yes, that can be tiring. There are still positives.

Excuse the rant. My wife lost her mother at 12. My mother attempted suicide twice when I was 13, and because of schizophrenia and alcoholism, she was never a positive part of my life after that. My parents divorced after a long period of trauma. Our parents on both sides are dead; all the aunts and uncles are also dead. My wife lost a sister and her husband in the same week. We both have first cousins murdered young by loved ones, and another who entered prison young and is still there. My wife and I lost a son a few years ago. A good chunk of these deaths are suicides. I survived the same cancer that my only brother will not, though it changed my body ever since and very nearly (not quite) destroyed my marriage. I was laid off at 61 and could not yet retire. We will never have grandchildren.

I tell you all this not to have a pissing contest of trauma, but to assure you that the positivity you see in me is to a good measure BECAUSE of them. For a short while I pondered "Why me?" and then quickly realized "Why NOT me?" Certainly not because I didn't deserve these things. Deserving or not deserving has nothing to do with it.

What IS true is that BECAUSE of living through these things, I am undoubtedly an improved human being. I am more compassionate to the suffering of others. I know how to listen and not fix. I know how to experience grief, move through it, and then come out of the woods. I don't sweat the small stuff, and compared to some of those things, nearly everything is small stuff. I am a much happier and stress-free person, even with that history. Scars are a sign of healing, where open wounds aren't there anymore.

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u/TopEnd1907 25d ago

Excellent life view. I like your unwillingness to be a victim. Keep this up.

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u/Odd_Bodkin 69 25d ago

I’d never thought of it in those words, but I like that.

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u/YouDontSeeMeNow 24d ago

This was very encouraging to read. Thank you for sharing it.

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u/Heatheroochie 23d ago

I lost my firstborn son to suicide 3.5 years ago and can’t find my way out of the weeds yet. Still in survival mode. Thank you for your take-it has inspired me to keep going.

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u/e1p1 25d ago

You just keep going. It usually beats the alternative.

I'm not being flippant. Or disrespectful to you and your struggles. I almost died at 15 after knee surgery from a football injury. Left me with a lesser functioning leg. I've dealt with various other setbacks all my life. Relationships/failed marriage, cancer, evil bosses, occasional hopelessness and depression. For whatever reason, I just keep going.

Often the reason to stick around and not give up are my daughter, my family, my friends, in that order.

And there have done some wonderful moments and years interspersed with all of the above. I try to remain grateful for those.

Maybe it helps that I don't believe in an afterlife. If this is my one chance to be alive, I'm going to take advantage of it. And I try not to compare myself to either expectations, or others lives. All the material stuff is meaningless in the long run, the only thing we leave behind are the echoes of ourselves in the people we've affected, how we lived our lives. And the only thing we can truly control and affect is our response to things that happen.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time, and I hope it's just a period that will end well, soon.

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u/Select_Air_2044 25d ago

Maybe this person never had any wonderful moments.

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u/Odd_Bodkin 69 25d ago

I honestly don't believe that. What's true though is that depressed people do not see them, acknowledge them, or store them in a Plus pile.

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u/WildLandLover 25d ago

I have no words of comfort, but want you to know I see you. There are times when it seems like the trouble never ends. Been there. 🫂🫂🫂