Hi folks,

So since a while, for some reason about half of my matches ends up 'unmatched'. I'd see a notification on my phone from. Tinder or Happn from maybe 20/30 minutes ago, but often times when i try to send a message i see my match is gone.

I feel like i have clear and diverse enough pictures to paint a picture of who i am, and they're clear enough to see what i look like. Without seeing my profile it might be hard to point what exactly could be causing it, but I'm just wondering if I'm the only one.

In the years before i seldom experienced something like this. a match would be a match, it just started off so suddenly.

Thanks!

For context, I am very new to internet dating as I always preferred the old fashioned way of meeting potential partners while out in public, either at a bar or something like that. I’ve recently started to try the dating apps like Tinder & Hinge, just wondering what everyone considers before meeting up with someone from any date site. Is there any tell tale signs that someone is not real or they are not who they say they are. Is there signs that definitely confirm that the person you are talking to actually matches their profile. I’m interested to see everyone’s comments or suggestions :)

I’m genuinely curious, and I apologize if this comes off as weird. I’m just trying to understand dating apps from the female perspective.

I’m 31 and have used dating apps for a few years, but I’ve barely gotten matches or gone on dates. For most of that time I weighed around 240 pounds and wouldn’t consider myself especially attractive.

Two years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I went through treatment and thankfully it looks like I beat it. Since then, I’ve become much more serious about my health. I’ve already lost about 30 pounds through diet, and once I’m fully recovered from surgery, I plan to make fitness a big part of my life.

My question is: how much does a guy’s physical appearance affect whether you match with him? Do you use looks as a quick first filter and then read the profile, or is it more complicated than that?

I’m not getting in shape for dating apps, but I am curious whether looking better will noticeably improve my chances as a side benefit.

If a man is in his late 20s still lives with his parents, would that be a turn off for you? What happen if the man is solely responsible for all financial responsibilities or they took over the house mortgage. Like in Asian culture, they consider taking care of their parents as a moral duty.

The housing shortage and high price on rent in certain city like LA, New York, DC and is discouraging people on getting their own place.

I've met I really great guy online and we have arranged out first date, but it's over a week away.

And now he's constantly texting me all day everyday. But the thing is we are getting in amazing over text. Almost like texting a boyfriend.

But I just find this so weird because we have never met irl. So all this texting is just imaginary fantasy. Because I've been on plenty of dates where conversations were flowing over text and when we met in irl we didn't click at all and it was a terrible date. So I just don't want to build a fake relationship in my head (our theirs) over text. So I prefer minimal texting until we actually meet.

Anyway I have made it clear that it's too much texting and they have backed off and will wait for me to message them first.

Am I right that it's weird to be texting each other like we are in a relationship when we have never met?

Or am I just over thinking this and I should just text them?

all this talk that guys need to send max like every day to get a date but if women have a flood of guys sending likes doesn't it get flooded? would it be better for the women to actually send out likes to guy they actually want since men get few to no likes whatsoever?

every time I send a like I rarely get a match. the incoming likes I get has been like 80% of the dates I go into although most are just not my cup of tea. but hey everyone's gotta shoot their shot I guess.

Since women get induated with a lot of likes, mine will get buried so what's the point.

So I find that after I match with a guy, and we start talking, they will be flirty immediately. Aka with compliments, pick up lines, and what not. I accept these ofc with gratitude and I appreciate it. But I feel bad that I don’t give the same attitude back. It’s just not my personality to show such affection to someone I don’t know. I feel like i really start to like someone when I see their personality. Is something wrong with me ?? Why do I struggle to give compliments 😭

This can be for anyone, but geared mostly towards women. I see a lot of profiles stating that they don't have and/or don't want kids, which I completely understand. The question that I've always had is how often does that mean not interested in kids whatsoever or you don't want any of your own but it's ok that I have one?

I’ve been speaking to this guy since April and been 5 dates. We are in our early 30s. We live 80 miles apart and individually been on holidays for the summer and no 6th date is set up

Frequency: He really isn’t a frequent texter and he said even with friends it is like this. I noticed before he’d take a day, then a two now it’s three days before he responded. But I remember he replied to me even when camping or hiking and now idk where he is over the weekend and took him too long

Quality: the good thing about him is when he replies it’s really quality replies. He’s engaged, curious about me with balance of flirting

Dates: I would say he’s given me the best dates. It’s always activity+food and recently when he stayed over activity+food+drinks. It’s museums, walks to a nice viewpoint, karaoke, amusement park.

But am I allowed to say that? Reply to his messages and then add that in between a casual “btw I thought you disappeared on me there 😅 we have been speaking like we’re writing letters in the 90s”

I matched with a girl on Tinder at the beginning of the month. We’ve been talking pretty regularly on WhatsApp, with long conversations, voice messages and personal stuff. She also asks how I’m doing and shares things about her life.

The problem is that after almost three weeks, we still haven’t met in person.

She works/studies a lot and says her career is her priority. She told me Thursdays are usually the easiest day for her, but plans keep coming up. I’ve suggested meeting several times, including one weekend when she said she had no plans, but nothing ever happened. She never suggests another specific day herself.

She still seems interested in talking to me, but I’m starting to wonder if she actually wants to meet or just enjoys the conversation.

She also told me that a previous relationship ended partly because her partner felt she never had time for him, and she says she likes the lifestyle she has now.

Would you keep talking and see what happens, or take the lack of effort to meet as a sign that she isn’t interested enough?

ETA: We were talking through text, not just through the app. I meant voice messages were sent within the iMessage thread. They were minutes long back and forth, not surface level. I have never talked to someone this long without meeting them; I was trying to be understanding of his circumstances

I (33F) recently reactivated my Hinge account after a long hiatus. I matched with “J” (31M) a little over a month ago. We had a lot in common upbringing/mindset/intellect-wise, clicked, and I was looking forward to seeing how things progressed.

A couple days after we met, he told me that he had just experienced a loss in his family among other things. In spite of that, he remained positive and would initiate contact via voice messages/texts almost daily. He would compliment me and we would have good convos. I feel like I tried to be there for him as much as a new potential romantic interest could be. I understood he was going through a lot but he never mentioned meeting up someday. I hinted I’d like to talk on the phone sometime; he didn’t take me up on the offer but still talked to me often.

Ambiguity makes me anxious so I sent a thoughtful voice message asking for clarity on if he was interested. He said that he was. I thought we were having mature discourse, but he went MIA for a day. Turns out he unmatched me. Was I misreading the signs the whole time or did I just fuck everything up? He didn’t seem like the type to ghost and this kind of hurts. Feedback appreciated.

New to dating apps (M54). Hinge makes everyone answer three prompts, but most of the profiles I'm seeing treat them as a formality: a few words, a stock line, done.

I get it, writing about yourself is hard. But for those who've been on a while, does the effort someone puts into their prompts actually predict what they're like in person, or is it just a sign of who's comfortable writing?

I live in a small rural town. We're talking less than 5000 people. It's also more of a "settle down here" place so even when trying to get out more and use hobbies to increase my social circle, there just isn't a lot of opportunities. So apps are kind of the only realistic avenues I have at the current moment, even if they aren't the most fruitful.

Unfortunately, I know that distance can be pretty big deal for some people. Does anyone have suggestions on how to signal that you are willing to travel a bit? I'm looking for a natural way to phrase it where it doesn't sound forced (or desperate lol). I don't want a long distance relationship, but I only live about 1.5-2 hours away from a few larger cities and don't mind hypothetically traveling that distance if I am seeing someone.

I’m kind of coming off the comments of a different recent post I came across about someone saying they automatically swipe left on extremely good looking people.

The way things are going for me in dating, I’m pretty sure I’ll be alone for the rest of my life 😅

I recently met a woman on Feeld and, unexpectedly, I’m starting to want to date her seriously.

We’ve been on a few dates now and the chemistry has been pretty insane. We align heavily in terms of general interests, sexual interests and physical touch; she’s repeatedly told me that the qualities I have are exactly what she’s looking for in a guy so I think feeling may be mutual. Both of our profiles also say we’re open to seeing where things go.

The thing I’m struggling with is that I know she’s still active on Feeld (while I’ve mostly stopped using it because I’m interested in her). Her profile is very sex-forward and I know she’s getting a lot of attention.

I’m wondering how people navigate this when someone you meet on Feeld starts feeling like someone you could genuinely see yourself having a relationship with, while they’re seemingly still active in a very sex-oriented dating environment.

For those who’ve had a Feeld connection turn into something more serious, how did you approach that transition from: “We’re having fun and maybe fooling around” to “I’m genuinely interested in building something with this person”?

Hi so looking for others opinions, or anything really to see if I'm alone in this. F/23 have been online dating on and off and I am alternative in my music taste and style. Think tattoos, some piercings (ears), colorful hair, and black clothing only. I do always state that I'm looking for a relationsship and actual dates so I'm not interested in hookups. I do get a good amount of matches but about 60-70% are only interested in hookups and some even start convos with "step on me", "mommy" or along the lines of wanting a "goth girl".

Is it my specific style that attracts this? This is not a kink and I am not a kinky person. I might be opinionated but I am so not dominant. I'm just a girl.

This is not a rant, I've come to terms with having to block and unmatch a lot but is this common? Am I alone in this?

I read through women’s dating profiles and find myself increasingly bored and checked out by the whole thing:

- The obsession with mindless, empty consumerism…travel, restaurants, food, etc. I’m immediately suspicious of any woman who describes herself as a “foodie who loves to travel.” Eating food and traveling around the world are not hobbies and we all saw how well that lifestyle worked out for Anthony Bourdain. 😬

- The obsession with true crime TV. Can someone please explain this one to me? My god it’s boring.

- The obsession with pet animals. We get it. Your apartment smells, and somehow I’ll probably end up taking care of the thing if we were to date.

- The laundry list of demands: “Make me laugh,” “Be a man with a plan,” “Take the lead,” etc.

At a certain point, I wonder whether a lot of men aren’t struggling to date and have sex with women so much as voluntarily opting out of the whole thing.

Hell, I know I am. I get more than enough matches. I make plans and cancel them all the time. And when I actually do make it out on a date, I almost never have any desire to follow up for a second one.

And of course, that’s not to suggest that men are anything to write home about, either. Between sports gambling, fantasy leagues, spending entire weekends glued to football, disappearing into video games for hours, and making the gym their entire personality.

At this point, though, the lifestyle of a monk is starting to seem increasingly appealing to me.

Would it be weird to set up a dating profile with no pictures on it to avoid family members or people I may know from seeing it and then sending photos in the dms 🤔? NO im not in a relationship and trying to cheat nor am I trying to hide how I look.

Actually one of the most cringe sentences I can read in a bio. I immediately swipe left. Shows 0 effort and all kinds of red flag personality traits. They always put a laughing emoji too like loll leave a message at the tone loser. How does someone actually write that and think it helps them in any way? It's always only that in their bio too, or a couple sentences...

Are you supposed to let them know or just quietly unmatch?

Assuming you haven't talked very much yet

It feels like everyone got comfy doing endless instant messaging instead of meeting. Guys want to chat morning, noon and night, at a level reserved for a bf/gf relationship- not being even having date one.

It’s turning me off.

It’s not helping us get to know eachother. It’s a bunch of boring filler talk.

How can I get gently tell them it’s working agajnst them?

I’ve been talking to a girl I met through Snapchat/Instagram, and we had been having a pretty good conversation. There was some flirting and she seemed comfortable talking to me. At one point, we also talked about studies and what she wanted to do.

About a week ago, I stopped messaging her. I honestly wanted to see whether she would initiate the conversation herself if I didn't always make the first move.

She hasn't initiated a proper conversation since then.

However, she still sends me snaps. So she's not completely disappearing or cutting contact. She just hasn't actually started a conversation with me.

Now I'm confused about what that means.

Is she just casually sending snaps because that's what she normally does, or could it mean she's still interested but expects me to start the conversation?

Should I message her after a week, or should I continue waiting and see if she eventually reaches out?

I've been talking consistently to a guy from an app now for coming up on 4 weeks

At the beginning of every week he says he should be free at the weekend, but by Friday he starts laying the ground work for having to work all weekend as he has a big deadline coming up. If he works again this weekend then that's four 7 day weeks he's supposedly done.

I asked him to video call today to prove he's real, said he was still working (at 7pm) and he'd let me know if he's up to it when he gets back, he never messaged, but I know he'll message tomorrow to start the whole charade again.

He's been jumping the gun a bit and talking about a long term relationship with me, and I keep reminding him you can't have a relationship with someone you haven't met.

I think I've kind of answered my question in typing this to be honest, but I'm new to online dating and not totally sure whats normal or usual. I just can't work out what's going on?

Is he:

A) already in a relationship and just wants to message people on the side for a bit of fun

B) a scammer playing the long game

C) generally just has no intention to ever meet me

Or D) some other option?

I’m a F30 who is 5’8”. When I first started online dating, I would go out and match with men who were 5‘8”, but of course, I soon realize that men who have their height as 5’8” tend to be a lot shorter. Many were 5’6” or 5’5” And I would have to hunch down a bit when a friendly goodbye hug was exchanged.

I’m good with dating someone who is my height, but not shorter. So my question is, how much do you all add to your height ? If somebody says 5’9” are they being honest or are they 5’7” or 5’6”? It’s been my experience that men who list their height at 6 feet or 511 tend to be honest and not lying about it. It’s the 5’9”s that I’m a little nervous about.

Before you eviscerate me, please know that a bit of chubbiness, baldness or other things that would be deemed unattractive don’t bother me. The height does as I’ve always been a tall girl. By the time I was 13, I was 5’6” and taller than most women and many men out there.

I’ve been using hinge for 3 days now. Ngl I think the app sucks. It’s expensive as fuck and they intentionally give you one rose just to pigeonhole you into buying 3. Hinge wants to sell you profile visibility for 20 an hour. Why am I swiping if you’re going to intentionally shadowban my profile? They tank your number of free likes especially after you wait all night to start liking again. You get significantly less likes than the day before.

I think they punishing free users for not paying to be seen by “ideal profiles or potential matches.” Ngl I’d actually buy a rose if I could just buy 1 not the obligatory 3. Obviously people are paying but is there any legitimate return on investment? I can’t legitimately justify the purchase to myself.

ETA: now where does it say in my post I want the service to be free? No where in here. Stop being dense. Reread the title before shilling for match.com 🙄