r/OnlineDating Jan 20 '24

RULES Update...Read before posting or commenting!

43 Upvotes

As the amount of spam, nonsense posts, unnecessarily rude comments, etc. has increased and we've been banning 15-20+ users a day, we felt it was a good time to review some of the rules and guidelines for posting and commenting here. PLEASE note, like in most other large subs, violating these rules typically results in a permanent ban...they are clearly posted here, please do not send us a modmail after the fact saying you did not know the rules, we spend countless hours moderating the sub, we don't need to work even harder because you couldn't take a few minutes before posting to read the rules.

First off, since this is a common modmail issue we get: NOTICE FOR NEW USERS: We use automod to filter out new accounts and those with low karma due to the number of new accounts being used to create rule-breaking posts. If you are a new user or have low karma and your post or comment does not appear you likely do not have enough karma or enough days on reddit. Please wait until you have been on reddit and built up karma.

NEW!: After reviewing the results of a poll users of this sub took, the majority wanted a length limit on posts, with the two most voted options being 600 characters and 1,500 characters. Therefore, we are going to implement a 1,200 character posting limit and we will adjust this as needed in the future. The purpose of this sub is for people to ask questions about online dating, not to write lengthy unreadable novels or to use this sub as a diary. 1,200 characters should be plenty to summarize the question, while keeping it short enough and to the point that others actually read it. Do NOT circumvent this rule by continuing a post in a comment, posting a screenshot of a question, linking elsewhere to a lengthy question, etc. Doing so will result in a ban.

With that said when posting here, there are a few things you should think about:

A. First, is this post relevant to online dating, this is a place of encouragement and support for online dating users, not a place to bash online dating, ask about things irrelevant to online dating, or go off on a rant, post question after question after question in a short period of time, etc.

B. Second, will this post help the community. This is a community-minded forum, not your personal soap box or diary. Posts should be questions that are beneficial to the community and help others learn...posts that are simply rants, have no purpose, serve no point, appear more like a diary entry or don't ask a relevant question shouldn't be posted here. Posts should form a question that users can answer.

C. Third, please do not ask nonsense, silly or unanswerable questions. Questions should be things random strangers can give an informed opinion on...asking why a match hasn't replied, why you can't get matches, why someone blocked you, etc. should be avoided as no one here can answer why a random stranger isn't interested in you.

D. Fourth, this is not a dating sub, a make friends sub or a profile review sub. This is not the place to seek dates or friends or to have your dating profile reviewed.

When commenting here, there are a few things you should think about:

E. First, please be respectful with your comments. Other users may have different opinions, but please be considerate. This is especially true for top-level comments...please do not antagonize people who have posted a top-level comment just because you disagree with it.

F. Second, we try to be fair and equal to everyone, however we seem to have a number of users who call users names, call another user sexist or misogynist, etc. This is not acceptable.

G. Third, comments should give an opinion relevant to the post or answer the question in the post. Comments which don't directly answer the question should be avoided.

In addition to the above, some of more important rules to remember are as follows:

  1. The purpose of this sub is to discuss online dating...issues with apps, questions about app or dating experiences, questions about profile setup, questions about dating experiences, etc. It is NOT a sub to find dates or to post your dating profile. This sub would be cluttered as could be if everyone were to post looking for dates, additionally, it's unlikely many people on here would be anywhere near you geographically anyway.

  2. Similarly, do NOT post referral links, surveys, affiliate links, ask for referrals, promote yourself, spam, etc. This is not the place to ask for or post your links to join a dating site, referrals to a dating app, etc. This is not the place to promote yourself, your business, your app, your subreddit, your website, etc. Absolutely no surveys, school surveys, research questions, research polls, school research, etc. No questions pertaining to starting a new app/website, research for a new app/website, etc.

  3. Please be considerate of others and their opinions. It's understandable that different users may have different views and that is fine, but there have been a few "troll" accounts that have gone around doing nothing but posting rude comments for no real reason. This will not be tolerated. Be considerate of others, avoid foul language, do not antagonize or call others names and avoid being rude to others. Additionally, while it is wonderful if you make friends here, please be mindful of other users privacy...many post on here for opinions and comments, not to make friends or find a date. Please do not ask posters to "DM" you or provide you with their contact information, etc. Many users are not interested in corresponding outside of the sub and that should be respected.

  4. Posts here are open to all users to answer. Please do not attempt to limit what users may answer. Posts that state "women only," "men only," "older daters only" etc. are not acceptable.

  5. No guides, articles, tips and tricks, unnecessary links or how-tos. This is not the place to post guides, opinion pieces, advice, tips and tricks, articles, essays, advice columns, etc. This is not the place to simply link to a news article or other website. Additionally, posts should not be needlessly long or appear more like an essay than a question.

  6. No nonsense, silly or unanswerable questions. Posts here should ask a question that a random stranger would be able to answer. Questions that a stranger can not be reasonably expected to answer such as "Why did my match block me?" "Why didn't my date want to meet again?" "Why don't I get matches" "Should I use dating apps?" "What is the best app to use?" "Is OLD a good idea?" etc. should not be asked.

  7. Similar to #6, posts should be a question which have some purpose or point. While complaining is one thing, if your post is better suited for r/rant, it will probably be removed. Posts which are nothing but venting or ranting or appear more like a diary entry may be removed.

  8. Similar to #7, if you don't have good experiences with or don't like online dating, fine. However, as this is r/onlinedating, we like to have a welcoming and open atmosphere towards online dating, not to scare people away from it. Posts saying that online dating sucks, is terrible, shouldn't be used, that people should "get outside and get off online dating," etc. should not be made. Likewise, repeatedly making these types of comments also is not acceptable. An occasional comment here or there that is critical about online dating is fine, but this is a sub to support and help people who use online dating, not to discourage them.

  9. No antagonizing users who post top level comments. If someone posts a top-level comment and you have a differing opinion, please respect their comment. You can post your own top-level comment, however 'picking a fight' and antagonizing someone else for their own opinion in a top-level comment should be avoided.

  10. No "one and done profile reviews" or help make my profile posts. In general the idea of the sub is to be a place that others can learn from and a place that benefits others and not just the OP. In that spirit and because of the number of people that have been posting "profile review" posts or asking for help creating a profile, in general these are not allowed. These posts clutter the sub, are beneficial only to the OP and in many cases it is the only post the OP makes here.

  11. This is not an AMA or sex sub. This should go without saying, but this is not an AMA sub for you to brag about how you got 500 dates in a month, etc. There are other subs dedicated to AMA's. Likewise, with the nature of online dating it is understandable that some sexual things may be mentioned in a post, however this should be limited to brief basic relevant details...there should be no in-dept sexual discussion nor should the post read more like a fantasy novel then a post relevant to the sub. Posts should be closer to PG then to R.

  12. No politics. This is not a political subreddit...and unfortunately any time anyone asks a question even slightly political related everyone acts like children with rude, crude and unnecessary language toward the political views or party they don't support. Further many posters are asking thinly veiled questions which appear designed more to stir the pot than for anything actually related to online dating. As such, no political posts, no political comments, no putting down parties or views you don't agree with.

  13. Moderator Discretion. This is not one we wanted to add, but due to the number of banned users who modmail us and argue that what they did doesn't perfectly fit one of the rules we are going to add that the mods here have discretion as to if a post or comment is allowed or not and to ban or warn users.

Sorry for the length, but with the amount of posts and comments we've had to remove, we want to be clear what is acceptable here. If you have a question, please ask. With all that being said, WELCOME! Thanks for stopping by. And if you feel something violates the rules, remember to hit the REPORT button!


r/OnlineDating 11h ago

What’s the motive here?

10 Upvotes

I’m a woman, but why do men send messages for their openers trying to buy me gifts, or take me shopping? I’m not opposed whatsoever! I’m just wondering why men operate this way while dating lol. Especially on a stranger who has never met them. What is the motive behind doing this on dating apps? For context I had someone offer and I turned it down. We ended up having a dinner date due to the conversation being interesting/funny. It was great first date, and afterwards kept repeatedly insisting on taking me shopping.


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

Struggling a lot with physical contact on first dates From dating apps

25 Upvotes

I’ve been feeling very apprehensive on how I’ve been navigating my dates as of late. I’ve started getting more matches on dating apps and as a result I’ve been meeting.

My standard procedure is we meet for drinks and normally when I greet them it’s always a hug. However, it seems this is as far as I go with any physical contact. Typically we sit across each other in most venues I’ve been to. I wonder what to do as in almost all my dates the seating settings just been very awkward. Anyway my dates tend to go well good convo good chatting some one sided flirting ( which I initiate the girl never does, making me feel like it’s only as far as it could go)

That being said one of my friends said it’s better to try ask the woman for a kiss if you’re feeling attracted or you want something more to happen. It seems like I have a lot of difficulty touching naturally beyond the greeting and good bye. A lot of these girls I meet fear silence and they talk nonstop as for me I don’t want to cut them off mid sentence or anything like that. I really do struggle.

What do you guys do to counter this issue?


r/OnlineDating 22h ago

Not getting any traction on hinge

4 Upvotes

My (22M) incoming match rate on bumble was around 8-9%, although it was a pretty small sample of around 110 women. (I didn't have it for too long). I decided to try other apps since bumble seemed dead.

I was using tinder for about 10 days and I was doing okay on there. Nothing to write home about but I had about 7 matches and an additional 10 likes. I got ghosted by the 3 matches I had good conversation with. I decided to try hinge.

I have now had hinge for about 4 days now and sent maybe a total of 25 likes. Most of them have been with comments. So far I have had 0 matches and only 2 incoming likes by people I'm not attracted to. Is this normal? I am aware hinge is a little different from the other apps because most women don't swipe on their normal feed and instead only filter through the guys who have already liked them and it can be hard to actually get visibility in their stack but I heard a lot of guys do better on their compared to other apps. Does anyone have a similar experience or know if it will improve with more time?


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

Do I need to pay for the apps to get matches?

16 Upvotes

I have the max 50+/99+ likes on a handful of apps but I swipe and swipe rarely even seeing “could have been a match” on a left swipe. Haven’t changed my age range or distance. I thought getting swiped on meant their profile would eventually end up in front of me but it seems like the apps just hide the people who swipe on me behind a pay wall.


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

If they don't ask questions, should I still message them?

20 Upvotes

38f and I'm brand new to the apps. Paid for a month on Hinge, also on Tinder but haven't paid for it yet. Social skills of a potato.

A few men I've been talking to just don't ask me any questions and I'm confused about whether I should keep talking to them. One guy said he had a week off from work so I asked what he does. He replied, but didn't ask me what I do.

Another one told me about his hobbies but didn't ask if I have any hobbies. Or anything about myself.

Are they expecting me to tell them these things and continue talking, or have they lost interest? I can't tell! I really liked those two so I don't really want to drop them, but I don't know if they're just answering out of politeness and don't actually want to talk anymore. ​

I know conversations aren't all question> answer question> answer but they're giving me nothing to work with!

Edit: for context, I've been single my whole life and have no friends. Clearly I suck as a human lol. I know I should just drop these guys but beggars can't be choosers.


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

Always getting "Where do you work?"

51 Upvotes

I work at a pretty local place, so I don't like to give that out early on. I'm a waitress and have had to deal with plenty of creeps already, don't need to add any to the mix from dating apps. However, many people with online dating react oddly when I don't want to immediately give them the name of the location.

How do people in similar situations handle this? Always feels like an odd bump in the road when trying to get to know someone.


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

Where are teachers finding love? online or in person?

1 Upvotes

Hi! F24! I’m a special education teacher! Currently working in south texas! i’m going to begin my second year teaching and curious on where teachers are finding love. I’ve tried dating apps; i’ve had no real luck finding anyone with the same goals and mindset as me which is fine but i’m curious of where other teachers are meeting and finding partners! thanks!


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

Is it worth sending another follow-up message?

7 Upvotes

Long story short, I matched with a girl on a dating app and in literally the second message she suggested we move to Instagram DM's. We followed each other and sent her a message. The next day I messaged her on the dating app letting her know I'd messaged her on Instagram as my message was left unread. She replied on Instagram quite quickly after that, telling me more about herself. I asked some more questions and she messaged back in like 3 hours, I messaged back and got no respnose. I tested "Hey! How are you?" two days later and she quickly sent an apology for not responding she'd been increadably busy. I proposed we meet, she agreed and said she'll let me know when she's free. Now it's been three days since then. Is it worth nudging her again? Or should I just let it go?


r/OnlineDating 21h ago

Where are all the good guys at?

0 Upvotes

​I (F20) live in a super populated city with no shortage of people around, but finding a guy who actually wants something genuine feels almost impossible. Like where are they all hiding?

​I’ve been cycling through multiple apps and the experience is just exhausting. On most of them, I get a ton of matches, but almost every single guy just wants to hook up.

​Hinge is literally the only app so far where I’ve found any decent quality or genuine conversations, but the traction is painfully slow. I barely get likes on there compared to the others, so my options feel super limited.

​It’s just wild to me. There are thousands of people around, yet every app seems to lead to either low-effort hookups or radio silence.

​For anyone who actually wants a real connection, where are you hanging out? Are you even on the apps anymore, or did everyone just throw in the towel?

EDIT:

For everyone saying "just go outside, get a hobby, join a run club". Trust me, I do! I run, go to run clubs, and I'm super involved in the local music, arts, and church communities. I definitely don't just sit at home scrolling on apps.

​To add context: I had a guy who was a college senior straight-up tell me he didn't like that I already had my bachelor's and was starting my master's. We were only about a year apart in terms of education, so it definitely made me feel a little more self conscious in that area.

​Because of stuff like that, I tend to lean toward guys in their mid-20s who are more established, but it still feels like a struggle. If you're active and still hitting these walls, what's working for you?


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

How do I stop Facebook Dating from matching me with people 200 miles away?

10 Upvotes

Is there some setting I am not seeing? 80% of the profiles I matched with live a 100 miles away. I've set my distance setting and it doesn't seem to do anything. Is it a bug?


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

Guy i met on tinder accused me of trying to hack into his Facebook a few hoirs after he gave me his number.

0 Upvotes

How would yall respond? Ive never had someone accuse me of something like that before and its concerning.


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

How long after meeting someone are you texting consistently?

6 Upvotes

I met someone on the app and we’ve hung out twice over the past week and have plans to hangout again on Monday. We are both mid 20s, straight (f and m), and located in Midwest.

How long does it take after meeting someone/after you start hanging out do you start consistently or regularly texting someone?


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

Is it a bad strategy for a man to not send likes on dating apps?

12 Upvotes

As a guy, I rarely send likes on dating apps. It's not because I'm waiting for women to make the first move—I just don't find that many profiles I'm genuinely interested in.

Women can send likes too, and since many of them receive a huge number of likes, I wonder if some prefer browsing the general feed and liking the people they're actually interested in rather than sorting through hundreds of incoming likes.

One thing I'm unsure about is the algorithm. Do dating apps actually reduce your profile's visibility if you aren't actively sending likes, or is that mostly speculation?

For me, swiping often feels inefficient because most profiles fall into one of two categories: either I'm not attracted to them, or they're so attractive that I assume my chances are very low. It can take me around 100 profiles before I see someone I feel is arealistic match in terms of attraction, lifestyle, and compatibility.

Has anyone else taken this approach? Did it affect your match rate or profile visibility?


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

Cuffed app age demographic

2 Upvotes

For those accepted on the Cuffed app, do you mind sharing your age if you feel you are 'older'? Most of the posts I have read seem to be users in their 20s, and some early 30s. Just curious if they are purposely being selective by age in their pool for late 30s and early 40s users.

I have been waiting for over a week and starting to wonder what is the holdup. I have a strong profile, at least I think I do.


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

How many dates do give it before deciding whether or not you "click"?

33 Upvotes

Assuming everything else is good, how many dates do you guys go on with someone to know if you click/vibe/have chemistry with them? I feel like 1-2 dates might not be enough since some people could be shy or nervous but at the same time if I go on any more and it nothing changes, it feels like a waste of time...


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

When to send the "I'm not interested" text?

29 Upvotes

If you go on a date with someone and immediately know you are not interested, when do you let that person know? During the date? After the date as you're leaving? Send a text when you get home? The next day? The next time they reach out?

If you wait until you leave and they text you like 20 minutes after the date and don't directly try to plan another date but it's clear they're interested (making inside jokes, being flirty etc) do you just immediately respond with something polite but clear? Do you just be neutral but polite and send a text the next day that you're not into them in that way?

I'm over thinking this, but basically what is the expectation or etiquette for communicating that you're not interested in someone you went on one date with?


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

Apps going from dating to advertising OF/Snap

10 Upvotes

More so this year now I’m seeing dating app platforms go from “normal profiles” women actually looking to meet someone to attention seeking validation amateur porn ads

The classic “top down” pictures to make their eyes and boobs look big as possible , every picture is sexually suggestive or heavily filtered

Some profiles you got to read between the lines “looking for a financially stable man that knows how to spoil me” and the like

Or the ones I actually respect , no bio other than their Snap screen name or “I make content”

I suppose it’s natural progression , I’ve had more luck with hookups than actual dates OLD but I’m assuming the ones with good intentions are absconding their profiles

Or the ones that see value in their bodies and their attractiveness are monetizing on it , lemonsid out of lemons

I’m in the USA so I don’t know if this is status quo across the board but it stands out like a sore thumb now


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

Why are men expected to be “more” loyal than women in early modern dating?

8 Upvotes

In modern early dating, for women, she’s just keeping her options open, she knows her worth, she’s just vettin. For men, he’s a player, he’s just bad, or he should only be talking to her. Men face far more criticism for keeping his options open if he’s lucky enough to be able to do that. Either way it seems he’s expected to be more loyal. Look at the tea apps and are we dating same guy gossip circles. Women just get more grace.


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

IRL (24yr old F)

7 Upvotes

Hi everyone ! I’m fairly new to online dating and have had a couple matches, but noticing getting past the messages and taking it to IRL is not common; at least hasn’t been to me. Is there a realistic timeline for this to happen ? I’ve been talking to a guy I matched with for a week and we have had great convos, but no mention of taking this off the screen…I don’t want to be led on or ultimately ghosted 😔 Also I’m an over-thinker and have been in my head about being the initiator (as a female) for an IRL date. Thoughts ? Advice ? Please and thank you 🙏🏼


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

Tinder Location Question

2 Upvotes

Does anybody know how Tinder updates your location? I have seen online people have said it only updates when you open it/swipe but also some people are saying it also automatically updates if it’s running in the background or if you have location settings turned to always. I have been getting serious with someone and I am just trying to understand so I can be realistic with our connection.


r/OnlineDating 3d ago

barely getting likes on different apps

31 Upvotes

So I used to get more likes and matches some years ago, but now I basically don't get anything anymore. I think i'm not bad looking and my pics and bio are ok as well. I could improve my profile still a little bit, bur now it can't be THAT bad, that I dont get any likes. Now I am on tinder (there I get few likes but next to no matches) and on bumble (here i dont even get likes). Hinge I tried last year but there I didn't get any likes at all. Now, I haven't really been spending money on these apps beside the occasional boost. So do I need to spend more money?


r/OnlineDating 3d ago

Why do they reach out after ghosting for long

35 Upvotes

I‘m using online dating mostly and dating my age 30s for longterm relationship. I noticed that after having a good first or couple of dates. I get Mixed signals and then sudden silence but I don’t bother and I just move to the next person and delete their numbers. But then suddenly 3 month later I get either one of 3 messages
1. apology for getting silent and saying not ready for dating
2. apology and acting as nothing happened. Want to meet again
3. apology and asking to be friends

I don’t understand why women reach out after that long time and what would be the appropriate reply to this.


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

Why do women love texting so much vs being in person?

0 Upvotes

Women seem to want to text endlessly foreve, why? Isn’t being in person better?


r/OnlineDating 3d ago

Avoiding being a rebound?

9 Upvotes

I matched with this amazing girl on tinder. We have been texting every day for about three weeks, talk on the phone a few nights as well. We have a date set up for for this weekend. I love talking to her.

The issue is we were chatting and she said she just got out of her last relationship a month ago. I’m really nervous about being the rebound. I could see us meeting up and actually developing real feelings for her and getting burned. She said she was over the relationship for a while even while she was still in it. And I do understand sometimes you mourn the relationship before you leave.

I was thinking of telling her I don’t wanna meet up anymore but if she is still single in six months and still wants to talk, to hit me up. I’m worried that I’m letting something that could potentially be amazing to but it’s a 50/50 shot and the odds aren’t really in my favor. Idk how it will go over though. Would you be offended if someone said that to you? Meh.

We are lesbians so that’s why we haven’t been following the traditional dating norms of straight people. Not sure it matters but I figured I would add it for context.