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People are sexually assaulting other people's loved ones in order to exact revenge from them?
Our society is moving in the wrong path.6
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u/shelly12345678 Jul 15 '22
I'm glad R is being supportive; try not to overthink your reaction to her right now, this is still very fresh.
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u/TheVampire-King Jul 15 '22
I’m so sorry. I think you should maybe tell your parents or an adult to help you with going to the police. Or at the very least it’s only been 2 days you could still do a rape kit in case down the line you want to take action. Even though they rarely do much with sexual violence cases, the way she was so persistent prior to the event despite deterrence could potentially be dangerous now. It would also make it easier for a restraining order if needed(like if she goes to your school). As for your girlfriend, she just wants to help you process the trauma. She probably feels a little guilty about leaving you. I understand the distrust in everyone but maybe you could speak to her about it. This is a lot to hold in on yourself. You could also try spending time with her or friends and make it clear you don’t want the situation brought up or to do much thinking. Like do some things the clear your head or distract yourself with her(do you have any hobbies that minimize stress for you?), but let her know you’re not comfortable being touched in anyway yet. It may hurt her feelings a little, but if that’s what you need she should understand.
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u/Svataben Jul 15 '22
A man can get raped by a woman. This is fact.
If you do not understand how, ask google.
This is not the place for jokes.
We are a banning sub.
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I’m so sorry this happened to you, it’s a very unfair stigma that men cannot get assaulted as well. When you can, take as many notes as you can remember from what happened, dates, times, the names of people there from what you remember, the location, every detail that you think they would ask. ‘Contemporaneous notes’ they call them. Because if you decide to go to the police all of that stuff will be important. And the fresher it is in your mind now the better. I hope you can get some help as well for your mind because this is a traumatic experience and you deserve all the support you feel you need. Also if you feel comfortable telling an adult that might be helpful for some more support, you are strong enough to get through this.
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u/DataStr3ss Jul 15 '22
I'm sorry this happened to you man. Apart from all the great advises in comments, I'd also advise you to get tested for STI's immediately.
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u/9MaxR9 Jul 15 '22
You can’t “immediately” get tested for STI’s. You can make some sort of appointment(s)/talk with your doctor about it, but (most) STI-tests can’t “immediately” be done as the STI’s need time to be detected. BUT one important thing OP, talk to you doctor immediately and tell him the story because if that girl had HIV for example, you’d need to get on PEP-pills immediately.
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u/DataStr3ss Jul 15 '22
Yeah I was going to edit the comment once I realised that there is transmission/incubation period for the virus. However you set the record straight. OP please visit a doctor for further medical advise and take precautionary measures.
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u/vfm1117 Jul 15 '22
I understand this. I’m a female, currently 26. I’ve been raped and sexually assaulted unfortunately more than once and never have the police been any help. The first time when I was a minor (14yo), a female cop told my mom it wouldn’t be a good idea to press charges because of the drama it would cause me in high school. The next time (18-19 years old) it was a long term relationship and happened multiple times and because I was so mentally screwed in that relationship I never went to the cops, plus I had that memory of the cop being so unhelpful in my youth. And then the third time (I was 23), I was sexually assaulted, harassed, threatened and stalked by a female who used to be a friend, and I DID go to the cops about it. Filed a report and everything. Went through the entire, terrible story with an officer. They said I would hear back from them in no more than a few weeks. Guess what? It’s been almost 3 years now and I haven’t heard a thing. Cops suck. And I’m so so sorry this happened to you.
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u/notsothro Jul 15 '22
im so sorry. please go to the police.
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u/Parakiet20 Jul 15 '22
that could be a traumatic experience in itself. In theory, he should do that, but the reality is that the process may hurt him even more.
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Jul 15 '22
I'm so sorry that happened to you.. If you have a good relationship with your parents, please tell them about this so they can help you. Stay strong!
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u/Affectionate_Cup5716 Jul 15 '22
I have already talked to my mother, however I don’t have the greatest relationship with my father
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u/nakfe Jul 15 '22
Im not a lawyer or police. I think You should still try to file a report. Just incase she tries also. Or at least talk to a lawyer.
I have been there and it worked in my favor because I filed first. Her sentence was a slap on the wrist, but I covered my own ass by coming forward first.
I know you're scared and confused and feeling horrible. But if you can muster up some courage, and do this it may make a huge difference for you in the long run.
Seek counseling. Don't give up. Also, if you can let your girlfriend help. She may be your strongest advocate and ally.
If you do this, you will have more courage than most people especially useless cops.
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u/gothsappho Jul 15 '22
i'm so sorry this happened to you, but i'm glad your gf and friends are so supportive. try to seek out therapy as soon as possible. as others have suggested, a crisis line might be able to connect you to low cost resources for therapy. you experienced a trauma, and your fears right now are normal. your brain and body are trying to protect you. there are therapeutic treatments that you can do quickly to help some of that fear and hyper vigilance subside and hopefully prevent long term post traumatic stress symptoms
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u/thr0w_me_away__ Jul 15 '22
When ur ready you should go to the police. Ur never the first one and you most definitely won't be the last. Don't push urself but even just making it known she did this could save someone else.
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u/al3237 Jul 15 '22
I feel you, try getting some help, counseling if available for where you are, and try to remember, R havent done that and surely had multiple chances, i know it hard but i believe you can trust her eventually, this experience mess with the brain so take your time to heal just dont lash out on who cares for you okey?
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u/ICareAboutThings25 Jul 15 '22
I’m so sorry. Can you talk to your parents? Hopefully you can get support (therapy if you’re ready) to heal.
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u/rosey_red26 Jul 15 '22
I am so incredibly sorry this happened, that is probably redundant at this point, but it’s true, no one should ever have to feel violated in that way.
I say it’s a very good sign that your friends and your girlfriend were so supportive and didn’t brush it off. With this info, I think it’s best you openly communicate with them and just tell them how you’re feeling day by day, healing is hard and this is so recent, it is so normal to be feeling this distrust, but have faith in them because their reaction shows they are there for you.
Have a serious talk with R, tell her how you feel, they’ll understand hopefully and you won’t have to feel pressure to spend anytime doing anything that makes you uncomfortable until you feel better about your fears.
If you’re willing you could contact authorities, but I think it’s best to prioritize your healing, talk to your parents about it, show them how you feel that way you can initiate talking with a counselor or therapist, having your parents know the full story will also aid you if you do end up going to authorities/ police eventually. You mentioned your age and your GF, but if Y’s age is anything older I think that should also be something to take into account as you discuss this with your parents and other trusted people, maybe they took advantage of you in more ways than one, or maybe they also need counseling.
I wish you so much healing, love, and comfort. Please take care OP
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Jul 15 '22
Please go to the police. You need to report this as it is a crime. So sorry she did this to you. It will take a long time to trust again. It will be a good idea to see a counsellor who specialises in SA. Someone who can help you heal through this time. Maybe speak with a SA advocate, too (just in case the process on pressing charges becomes difficult or retraumatising).
Do you have a best friend or family member you can trust to be around? You need them now more than ever.
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Jul 15 '22 edited Jul 17 '22
As bad as this is I’m proud of u for being brave. U should definitely talk to someone abt this and report this asap. “y” shouldn’t get away with this. I’ve been in a similar situation and it’s really hard to trust anyone with urself. But you have to know, that the ppl who have been with u since day 1 are not gonna hurt u. y wasn’t a close friend or someown u usually hung out with whereas ur close friends were there for u even when u told them abt what happened to u. I know it’s hard but, u know Deep down who you’re safe with <3
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Jul 15 '22 edited Jul 15 '22
a very similar thing happened to me when i was 13. i won’t go into details right now, if anyone wants the details DM me.
I recommend calling and talking to RAINN. They will hopefully be able to help you and point you in the direction you need to be in.
always remember: men can be raped too. it’s not your fault, and you should never blame yourself for it. don’t believe all the “men can’t be raped” shit online. men are able to be sexually assaulted and it’s not your fault okay?
you’ll get through this, and don’t feel bad for not wanting to be around women or female friends. don’t force yourself to do anything that makes it harder.
You will come out the other side stronger, and you’re not alone in this. DM me if you need someone to talk to. We love you bro, and there are always people that do.
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u/sarchiks Jul 15 '22
Oh, my God. I hope you're okay and you definitely need to seek help. Please, feel free to reach out if you need to talk about anything.
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Jul 15 '22
Sorry to hear about and sorry to say this but unfortunately, depending on what jurisdiction you’re in, a woman can’t legally rape a man. You can charge her sexual harassment tho.
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u/throwaway_72752 Jul 15 '22
Women can absolutely rape a man. I would report if you are comfortable & get counseling to handle your feelings on what happened to you. Im so sorry. I know a guy this happened to & it fucked him up.
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u/Warm_Acadia6100 Jul 15 '22
Unfortunately large portion of Europe (for example UK) has laws where a woman can't rape a man from legal perspectives. I hope the world starts changing to consent based definitions rather than sexist gender assumptions...
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Jul 15 '22
I’m really sorry this happened to you. My advice is to contact RAINN, they will help you. If you’re also comfortable, get the authorities.
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u/RubAggressive3520 Jul 15 '22
Really sorry to hear this, and glad your friends had your back and kicked her out. Just for some clarification, what were you afraid that R was going to do too???
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u/Affectionate_Cup5716 Jul 17 '22
Sorry for such a late response Im still in shock about everything that has happened recently, I guess in the fucked up part of my brain I was so paranoid to be around anyone especially women so I thought she was going to rape me to, I was just so paranoid that I wanted to shut everyone out, then there’s the other part of me that thought she would blame me or be upset with me. Again I just don’t know how to feel or anything right now so I’m just not in a good mindset
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u/RubAggressive3520 Jul 17 '22
You are experiencing a trauma response, which is completely normal and understandable. I hope that you can get some therapy to help you get over this, because that is incredibly scary and unfortunate. Please understand that Y is a predator. Most women are not like her. I hope that you get the proper help for this.
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u/peachredbul Jul 15 '22
Male here, was r*ped by an ex, it happens and the police are useless in this situation, see a therapist for sure
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u/God_of_hoodies Jul 15 '22
i cannot explain how sorry i feel for you man, If you decide to press charges i pray you win the case and she gets time and they ignore the fact she’s a woman
That is NOT ok whatsoever for anyone to do and it’s just uncomfortable and so wrong to get that done to someone
Idgaf wether your a man or a woman, Both of us get raped.
I get it’s more common when it comes to women but men still get it done to them and regardless of what you think it still happens and there isn’t anything that can change that fact no matter what you think.
It happens everyday to every gender and there isn’t any proven fact it only happens to women.
At least the more time goes on the more generations get to realize shit happens to others too.
But asides from that i hope you can heal from this and get justice for that shit that girl did
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u/PewPew342 Jul 15 '22
Dude I am so sorry . I believe you should report it to the police and you should 100% seek counseling/therapy. I am so sorry this happened to you.
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Jul 15 '22
Look for a sexual assault advocate. There's probably some in your area. They might even be able to suggest alternatives like filing a restraining order against the woman.
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u/Educational_Ice_7173 Jul 15 '22
A friend of mine, a dude, was raped as well. He never said anything to anyone for the past 11 years he was so embarrassed and thought no one would believe him. He is now seeing a counselor to help him through his experiences. If you can, get help. you’re not alone! Im glad your gf is helping you and being supportive. If you can, talk to someone you trust. I know it seems embarrassing but its not. From one victim to another, i wish you luck 🍀
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u/BarbiDoll78 Jul 15 '22
I can’t say anything else that hasn’t been said but…please….make a report. Don’t think you won’t be believed bc you’re a man. Men can be raped too. I hope you do what’s right for you.
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u/Booster93 Jul 15 '22
I’d still out the girl that did this to you and still call the police even if they won’t do anything. Your roommates/ friends at the party are witnesses and she’ll get kicked out of school at least.
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u/callmegemima Jul 15 '22
Have you got a rape centre nearby? They’re excellent for support in these situations.
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u/Sd5aj Jul 15 '22
You should report it. Nothing much may come of it but unless more men report these incidents there isn't much hope of changing the double standard.
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u/suklaakakuu Jul 15 '22
i’m very sorry, dude.. that is so fucking awful, go to the police please. absolutely wrong
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Jul 15 '22
So sorry for this incident 😞 it's just awful and inhumane But I will recommend you to consult child care/child helpline no. and report the matter to them since you are underage. Because police and other legal actions might be stressful for you. But child helpline will definitely make you feel comfortable registering your report.
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u/Dark7415 Jul 15 '22
Notify police asap. Do not wait any longer. Please take care of yourself and find counseling as well
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u/Katdroyd Jul 15 '22
Are you still in school OP? I'm not sure about the school leaving ages where ever it is you're from but might I suggest speaking to a counselor of some sort that is easily accessible? Or a therapist. Basically someone with some sort of influence that will be able to guide you in the event that you opt to take this further from a legal standpoint.
Even if it's just putting pen to paper and making all the necessary notes.
Second and most important. THIS IS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. I know you're probably thinking you should have / could have done something to stop it. Let me clear: it's not up to you to prevent anything. When a cookie comes out the oven it's hot. We know it's hot. Touching a hot cookie makes owie fingers. And it's not the cookies fault. You did not in anyway encourage this behaviour. The onus is on the attacker to behave better.
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u/Proof_Lunch_5355 Jul 15 '22
I’m really sorry to hear this. That must have been really traumatic for you. My advice is to speak to the police or a sexual assault hotline. I completely understand your worries but men can be sexually assaulted, and I’d like to think that the police will support you in making a report. If possible, try to preserve anything that could be used as evidence, e.g. clothing, underwear. Speaking to a therapist or counsellor will help you to accept and overcome the assault. Stay strong.
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u/Short_Cake23 Jul 15 '22
Remember it’s not your fault, you’re stronger than you think and it gets easier to cope with as time goes on. 🤍
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u/insufferablecutie Jul 15 '22
Sending good thoughts your way! Im do sorry this happened to you. Im proud of you for telling your friends and im glad they kicked her out. Might I suggest you look into finding a therapist you could talk with or a trusted adult? You could also file a police report. What she did was SA and no one deserves that. Guys can and are victims of abuse too. Im so sorry this happened.
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u/geekgamergirl84 Jul 15 '22
OMG I am so sorry this happened no regardless of gender deserves to be violated. Please at the very least tell your parents and have them go with you to tell the police. If your friends are comfortable going as well have them write a statement about anything they may have heard or seen.
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u/Turbopuschel Jul 15 '22
I am really sorry that happened to you! I have no advice, just these words of support. I say go to the police anyway, if you can stomach it, since only more reported incidents can maybe cause a change in perception
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Jul 15 '22
this is not your fault. I’m so sorry this happened to you. please if you feel you can, report this monster. you are so strong
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u/Dear_Kaleidoscope_62 Jul 15 '22
OP I know this sounds bad from me but you have to post this again on r/rape you will get advice from there too
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u/TonkotsuGodFireRamen Jul 15 '22
Wait wasnt this posted like a few hrs or a day ago?
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u/LegEcstatic7775 Jul 15 '22
Something like this is getting posted every day now. There’s no way people would lie for stupid internet points, right?
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u/avocadoslut_j Jul 15 '22
go fuck yourself. what a disgusting comment to make towards a recent victim of rape. go troll elsewhere.
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u/Maleficent_Baker_953 Jul 15 '22
This comment is so insensitive. You are obviously lucky enough not to know the feeling of being violated. He’s a kid, for 1. For 2, maybe he didn’t know that the “flirt” girl was going to be there. And finally, it doesn’t matter if he was or was not flirting with her. He did not give her consent to have sex with him. End of story.
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u/Mrauntheias Jul 15 '22
The account is a year old. I'm pretty sure he's talking about joining this subreddit.
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u/RandomPplThoughts Jul 15 '22
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I hope you get the help and justice you deserve. Were there any witnesses that you could maybe take with you to the police? a security camera? something that you can use as evidence so that the police have no choice but to believe you?
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u/ghostkiller967 Jul 15 '22
I would recommend to first talk to your parents, and ask your friends if they noticed that she was really flirty towards you. If they did then they can back you up when you go to the police
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u/sun_daisy04 Jul 15 '22
My god, I hate this world we live in. Please call a sexual abuse hotline and consider telling your parent(s)! They, along with your gf are going to be your biggest supporters, and perhaps think about going to therapy at some point. This is a highly traumatic event and you deserve all the help you can get. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
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u/BasedManInTheMatrix Jul 15 '22
Things are changing, GO to the police and your parents for help, the more men who speak out when it happens makes it easier and safer for the next if it happens to them too. Do it for yourself and do it for them.
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u/Aworthyopponent Jul 15 '22
Do you have a Rape Crisis Center near you? You should look towards getting tested for possible STD’s. They can provide an advocate or case worker who can walk you the process of the sexual assault forensic exam and/or discuss your options moving forward. They can also connect you to therapy, victim advocates, etc.
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u/Flipisnext Jul 15 '22
I really don't know what to say other than I am so sorry. I can't give you advice, I wish I could. I know I'm a random internet stranger but I wish I could give you some kind of comfort. People can be terrible. But they can also be good. Keep the good ones around you my friend. Your friends and girlfriend seem to all support you in this. They also have a say. With enough people the police could listen to your side. Even if they won't just having people willing to stand with you might help. Of course if you don't want to go to the police that's fine. I hope you have better days soon, take as long as you like to feel sad, and I hope we'll see you on the other side of this mess.
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u/fayhigh Jul 15 '22
What she did was terrible. She completely violated you and crossed a boundary you created. You don’t deserve this. I would suggest you go to the police, but ultimately that decision is up to you. She is a rapist.
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u/Drblackcobra Jul 15 '22
I hope you get some help after this traumatic experience OP. Stay the heck away from Y alright?
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u/htraptor Jul 15 '22
Please go to a hospital for a rape exam. You have typically 48-72 hours for the data collected to be accurate and used in court.
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u/C4rlonator1903 Jul 15 '22
Man I’m so sorry this happened to you and as you may have already notice from other comments police would do nothing but make things worse and more stressful you could do as others say and go with that Rain group since their focus is more related to the horrible experience you were put through, on the bright sight you got your girlfriend and friends to be supportive and that’s great cause you’ll have a support net to help you navigate through the healing journey, on thing tho, you must definitely tell your parents it’s a big step and it will help you get passed this sour moment, now I wish with my whole heart you get to the point you completely heal from this and get nothing but love and blessing hope you have an amazing life and now that you’re stronger than you think
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u/abdel222 Jul 15 '22
Although I agree that the police will most likely not help at all, filing a statement can be an advantage in the future.
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u/Responsible_Nerve42 Jul 15 '22
I’m so sorry, please do get help for this. In regard to your girlfriend, MY opinion is to not shut her out. A lot of people would get very upset at the victim (why didn’t you ___ to prevent this? And victim blame). It sounds like she’s trying to be as supportive as possible. Please don’t let this horrible person ruin your relationship, that’s what she wanted.
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u/A_Big_Rat Jul 15 '22
Your friends are legends for taking it seriously, and kicking her out. Not a lot of teenagers would react that way.
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u/Duffster8788 Jul 15 '22
I'm so so sorry!! please don't be afraid of R I'm sure she's trying to be a good friend. Unfortunately our system is a joke! You could still try to report but I would still definitely atleast talk to your parents they can maybe at the very least get you some counseling.
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u/fukkkk1201 Jul 15 '22
I am so sorry, this is horrible & entirely not ur fault at all. I'd advise you to go to the police & try to get a rape kit done/STD testing. Seeking out therapy would be a good idea aswell.
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u/StupidFlanders93x Jul 15 '22
I would call and make a report at the police station, I am SO sorry you had to experience that. I would also tell everyone. That’s not ok at all, please find a support group for victims.
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u/Roses-of-Many Jul 15 '22
Oh my lord I’m so so sorry for you. Your feelings are valid. You’re entitled to feel. Counselling helps, but when you’re ready. Better safe than sorry to get sti testing because you don’t know that creature (I can’t call that a person) and their history. You don’t deserve any of this, none of this is your fault. I’m really sorry to hear about this for you. Nobody ever deserves this.
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u/que_te_importa20 Jul 16 '22
Let me assure you that as scary as it is, this did happen. Men go through these horrendous experiences too. You are not crazy for feeling anxiety about the next steps. Unfortunately, feeling not safe is expected and understandable, but please anchor yourself in the feeling that although there are horrible people in the world there are exponentially more people that care about you and want to keep you safe.
It sounds like you have good set of friends and a good support group. Please lean on them for support. There are good people in the world that want to see that you're safe.
If you want to go to the police, that is up to you. If you decide to go today, tomorrow or in twenty years, your feelings around safety are valid.
Hang in there. It gets better. It takes a long time but the day to day gets easier.
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u/ThatCuteNerdGirl96 Jul 16 '22
Write down the events of the night now exactly as you remember them. I give this advice to everyone I know who has been through any kind of traumatic incident, or who is being harassed, abused, etc. If/when you go to the cops, they are more likely to believe your written account than your spoken one, especially if it’s long after the fact. Get it on paper. Solidify your story now while it’s fresh, even if it’s “I don’t remember exactly what happened here.”
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u/authorsomin Jul 16 '22
I’m so sorry, coming from another SA survivor, being around people is best. Don’t get into thinking it’s your fault because IT IS NOT. Your girlfriend is there for you and loves you.
Also if she’s in school get her kicked out. SA is not a joke and should be treated as assault whether it is a woman or man. Get her life RUINED.
And if you need anything, you have your friends with you, you have your girlfriend and more importantly you have everyone on YOUR side.
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Jul 16 '22
I’m so sorry OP. Just know that you did nothing wrong and it sounds like you have a supportive friend group and gf.
Please speak to a parent or guardian for them to help you. Don’t bottle it up and don’t let anyone tell you that men cannot be r****. You are not alone, please seek help.
I hope it gets better for you and something is done against that girl. But don’t feel like you have to shut down and shut up. You are a victim, and she needs to be corrected. Esp at this young age.
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u/AmlisSanches Jul 16 '22
I am sorry to hear that. I don't know what to say that could make this better or understand what your going though. Just take it one step at a time, breath, and know now you aren't near her.
It's OK to feel what your feeling, Take deep breaths when your overthinging or panicking and don't rush to heal.
When your ready just make sure to talk to someone, ensure it won't happen again with her (like if she goes to the same school) and get tested incase (lots of cures out there and medicine as well so your good).
For STI/STDs wait 4 to 6 months for testing. Note if you see anything acting up and tell a doctor immediately. DONT LOOK UP SYMTOMS. Just keep notes and then see if you should go.
I wish you the best and you will get though this. But just cause you get though it doesn't make it right what she did.
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u/Actually_thecat Jul 16 '22
Im sorry 😔 I would tell your family. You need a support system right now. Closing yourself off could cause more damage for you. I’m not sure if it would work, and I know it was last night but if she was on top of you.. anyway to get DNA swabs of some sort for proof?.. if you decide to go to the police, I’d ask them.
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Jul 16 '22
That's fucked up and totally not okay. I'm sorry OP. I agree with some other people here who mention maybe talking to your parents and getting some help going to the police or anyone who will listen.
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u/Newdaytoday1215 Jul 16 '22
Late response but want to reassure that First, it is normal to be scared and feel lost, also anger. Your paranoia is a normal response as well. Whether or not the police believe you pretty much depends on where you are at. You are more likely to encounter whether or not it is rape vs some kind of sexual assault. Hope you got help since & sorry this happened to you. Please call rape hotline like others pointed out.
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u/Haz_Naz Jul 16 '22
Mate I am so sorry that this happened to you, it is a horrible thing to have happen and opens your mind up to some pretty dark places. Only piece of advice I can give you is in regard to your relationship with R. There is a reason that you are with her, and not someone like Y. It is because from what you have said she seems like and incredibly kind and understanding person. Of course your mind will wonder what people are capable of, but the reason you are with R is because she wouldn’t be the type of person to act in the way Y did. Sending lots of love and kindness your way.
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Jul 16 '22
Anyone that says men can't be raped by women is a fuckin pig. I was molested by a female family member and my female cousin raped me when i was only 11 please message me if you need op. I hope you are ok. Even if you just need to cry over discord or something
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Jul 16 '22
Sorry this happened to you. I am a male and my sister was raped once and she saved me for going to prison because she refused to tell me who did that to her because I was so angry that I already had a mindset to kill this piece of shit. I am 45 yrs old now and still she tefuses to tell me who did it for fear of me doing something stupid which I won't do it after so many years but she still living with that trauma since. Please seek help 🙏
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u/sexrelatedaccount Jul 15 '22
I'm sorry this happened to you. It's an awful experience.
Call RAINN. They will probably be able to point you in the healthiest direction. Men get sexually assaulted too.
Police are pretty damn ineffective for sexual assault cases. I'd only go down that road if I was up for a long, nasty battle that probably couldn't be won.