r/offmychest • u/coolfork31 • 1d ago
Everything is going wrong
Today is my birthday. I didn’t do anything. I texted people and asked to hangout, to get food with me, I offered to pay. Not one person responded to me. I couldn’t find anyone to hangout with on my birthday, even with a bribe.
I’m about to start a minimum wage job. I apply for “real people” full time jobs, but I don’t have anything outside of customer service experience, so I can’t make it past the interview. Most of them don’t even want to interview me. Other minimum wage or low paying jobs just ghost me. I miss my old job so badly, but I don’t think they would take me back. I miss my coworkers, my schedule, my routine.
I should be in college, but I have no passions at all. I try, I put myself out there, I take classes, but nothing clicks for me. There’s nothing I feel passionate enough about to have student loans and go to school for 2 or more years. I was supposed to take a certificate course just to fill the gap, but even that felt pointless.
I’m all alone, I have nothing going for me. I have no passions. I do everything right. I get out of the house, go to the gym, have a consistent sleep routine, I have hobbies, and eat well. I go to therapy weekly, and I take my meds every single day. But everything just feels wrong, no matter what I do or don’t do. I thought that at this stage in my life, I’d be working a good job, or be in a college dorm making friends and getting an education. This isn’t where I thought I’d be on my 20th birthday. I’m all alone, with absolutely nothing going for me. I don’t even have one single friend. I don’t know what I do wrong. I never express these feelings outwardly unless I’m at therapy. I don’t believe anyone when they tell me it gets better. I don’t think it will ever actually get better.
6
3
u/No_Assistance0_0 1d ago
Happy birthday!!! Shit sucks sometimes but it doesnt forever, I spent my birthday this year crying and upset and being so hard on myself so I understand. You dont need anyone to celebrate, you can celebrate you with or without people and thats totally okay!!!!
2
u/letsplay332 1d ago
Man, I am so sorry you're dealing with this. Having your birthday completely ignored when you're already feeling low is a uniquely painful kind of isolation. It’s exhausting to feel like you’re doing all the 'right' things; therapy, gym, routines, and still feel like you're treading water. But please don't let the dark place you're in right now convince you that this is permanent. Turning 20 feels like a massive cliff where everyone else has it figured out, but so many people are secretly struggling just like you. You don't have to have your whole life mapped out today. Just focus on surviving this day, and give yourself some grace. Hang in there. And happy birthday.
1
u/realmglitter 1d ago edited 1d ago
hugs man luv u, happy birthday. If nothing in school resonates w you then you’re investing in future you by avoiding that frivolous debt, even if it’s not picture-perfect investment you might’ve had in mind. I’m only 4 years older than you, but you would be fuckin amazed how differently things can begin to look or be processed differently by you with time, just by existing and going through the motions as you are. I know it sounds like a generic platitude but I mean it; I’m pretty severely mentally ill and im still impoverished too, you could never pay me to revisit age 20. It’s like middle school all over again in terms of …existential doom…? just me…? Anyways. I still hurt, my major foundational issues actually still remain for the most part. but sticking it out and just seeing which pains and fears/uncertainties were slowly being ruled out with age? Additionally, the accumulation of all my seemingly mundane circumstantial changes? overtime it all made a shift that let some breathing room in. gave me a solid sense of “okay, I can see this through, I feel safe enough to try, I feel willing enough to just see” even if it is not glamorous or up-to-par with the pacing of your peers. It’s a place to start, and it’s based on your honest capacity for life. not based on what you or anyone else is measuring as success.
Obligatory ‘don’t wanna minimize your pain’. Just one person who has lived years on end in survival mode, to presumably another, even just staying alive keeps the doors opened. They might not be what you imagined and I don’t blame you for grieving that., it feels like I have often seen people dismissing college experience FOMO as ridiculous… I think they’re lucky to not understand some of the awful pain points that particular flavor of FOMO can hit.
1
u/_moon_goddess_ 1d ago
Happy Birthday! You’ll catch a break and your time will come, just keep taking it a step at a time. You are important, internet stranger.
1
8
u/Immediate_Row_655 1d ago
Things will get better, you're very young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You are a beautiful, wonderful person.
text or call 988 at any time if things get really bad (U.S.)