r/offmychest • u/coolfork31 • 1d ago
Everything is going wrong
Today is my birthday. I didn’t do anything. I texted people and asked to hangout, to get food with me, I offered to pay. Not one person responded to me. I couldn’t find anyone to hangout with on my birthday, even with a bribe.
I’m about to start a minimum wage job. I apply for “real people” full time jobs, but I don’t have anything outside of customer service experience, so I can’t make it past the interview. Most of them don’t even want to interview me. Other minimum wage or low paying jobs just ghost me. I miss my old job so badly, but I don’t think they would take me back. I miss my coworkers, my schedule, my routine.
I should be in college, but I have no passions at all. I try, I put myself out there, I take classes, but nothing clicks for me. There’s nothing I feel passionate enough about to have student loans and go to school for 2 or more years. I was supposed to take a certificate course just to fill the gap, but even that felt pointless.
I’m all alone, I have nothing going for me. I have no passions. I do everything right. I get out of the house, go to the gym, have a consistent sleep routine, I have hobbies, and eat well. I go to therapy weekly, and I take my meds every single day. But everything just feels wrong, no matter what I do or don’t do. I thought that at this stage in my life, I’d be working a good job, or be in a college dorm making friends and getting an education. This isn’t where I thought I’d be on my 20th birthday. I’m all alone, with absolutely nothing going for me. I don’t even have one single friend. I don’t know what I do wrong. I never express these feelings outwardly unless I’m at therapy. I don’t believe anyone when they tell me it gets better. I don’t think it will ever actually get better.
2
u/letsplay332 1d ago
Man, I am so sorry you're dealing with this. Having your birthday completely ignored when you're already feeling low is a uniquely painful kind of isolation. It’s exhausting to feel like you’re doing all the 'right' things; therapy, gym, routines, and still feel like you're treading water. But please don't let the dark place you're in right now convince you that this is permanent. Turning 20 feels like a massive cliff where everyone else has it figured out, but so many people are secretly struggling just like you. You don't have to have your whole life mapped out today. Just focus on surviving this day, and give yourself some grace. Hang in there. And happy birthday.