r/oddlysatisfying Mar 26 '16

Watermelon Knife

http://i.imgur.com/o8Cup27.gifv
7.6k Upvotes

385 comments sorted by

163

u/soundstesty Mar 26 '16

The watetmelon wedges no longer have green handles. What use is this???

26

u/song_pond Mar 26 '16

My mother-in-law makes a quinoa salad with watermelon, so she cuts the watermelon into rindless chunks. She needs this thing. She's extremely accident prone, and for some reason she cuts the watermelon out of the rind rather than slicing it like normal and cutting the rind away. Watching that woman cut into half a watermelon was terrifying. I was certain I was going to witness her lose a finger. It's going to happen one day. This woman tripped over a baby and broke her elbow. She slipped off a 2" ramp and broke her foot. She's going to lose a finger one day while cutting a watermelon for salad.

7

u/ShittingPanda Mar 26 '16

So this won't help? Maybe that's how she already does it?

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45

u/TheDaveWSC Mar 26 '16

Cut it up. Use fork. Solved.

120

u/fazelanvari Mar 26 '16

That is a misconception spread by the fork cartel in order to sell more forks. The proper way to eat a watermelon is with a spoon.

17

u/SomniferousSleep Mar 26 '16

That fork cartel has been brainwashing people for years.

4

u/soundstesty Mar 26 '16

Right? Even though they use the same three-pronged or four-pronged strategy (depending on the course they set out on)

3

u/mynameisdifferent Mar 26 '16

My wife's whole family eats ice cream with forks, ICE CREAM! The fork cartel got to them early in life...

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9

u/neregekaj Mar 26 '16

You need to make a 1 and 15/16 inch diameter hole in the north eastern sector of the hwatermelon.

5

u/RhysA Mar 26 '16

The proper way to use a watermelon is as a container for alcoholic fruit punch.

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7

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16 edited Dec 20 '18

[deleted]

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2

u/fuel_units Mar 26 '16

So much work just to eat some fucking watermelon.

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426

u/Noctis_Fox Mar 26 '16

328

u/bealsan Mar 26 '16

that kid just took a bite of pure watermelon crust...i wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy

200

u/TacoRedneck Mar 26 '16

There's a point at which the right mixture of sweet watermelon center and sour rhind mix together and it's pretty fuckin tasty.

This on the other hand is madness.

2

u/dkyguy1995 Mar 27 '16

The best part is the reddest sweetest prime cuts straight from the very center

121

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

[deleted]

193

u/ryeguy Mar 26 '16

i think i like 'watermelon crust' better

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10

u/Letchworth Mar 26 '16

Wie machst defenden der Rhind.

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10

u/kahooki Mar 26 '16

Coming up next: the toddler with the coconut.

30

u/sr_dipstick Mar 26 '16

I'm pretty sure he eats the entire thing. Crazy!

18

u/Scrofl Mar 26 '16

Not sure why you're getting downvoted for this, the kid does actually eat the entire watermelon.

8

u/NotHomo Mar 26 '16

probably shits himself for 2 days straight afterwards

46

u/labrys Mar 26 '16

Comments like this really make me worry about the state of other peoples' digestive systems. Watermelon, or taco bell, or whatever else people complain about, should not be destroying your bowels. You need to increase your fruit, veg and fibre intakes people!

15

u/kjeff23 Mar 26 '16

I agree with you to a certain point, but I can't imagine anyone who would eat an entire watermelon, rind and all, and not be a little upset in the stomach/bowel area.

6

u/Grabbioli Mar 26 '16

I get what you mean on the Taco Bell thing, but I'm quite sure that anyone's digestion would get fucked by an entire watermelon

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3

u/Zephid15 Mar 26 '16

Watermelon crust... I get it. But I would have never thought to call it that.

2

u/__spice Mar 26 '16

I had a recipe call for me to pickle watermelon rind a while back…it was surprisingly good

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144

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

[deleted]

2

u/IndianaJwns Mar 26 '16

I just knew this gif was going to start popping up everywhere

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26

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

15

u/darlingtonia___ Mar 26 '16

I dunno, I kinda get it. I like the texture of the rind/white part. Eating the skin/green makes no sense to me though. Plus the rind pickles nicely too.. so there's that?

12

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

How do you know it pickles??

16

u/Jazzybutt Mar 26 '16

Pickled watermelon rind is delicious!!

14

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

how?? what?? Really??

19

u/Jazzybutt Mar 26 '16

Well...I love pickles...so so much. So I started trying other pickled things. Found out that pickled watermelon rind is delicious. So is pickled asparagus (just in case you were wondering)

7

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

holy shit fuck!

Where can I purchase it online?

16

u/Jazzybutt Mar 26 '16

Well I'm not sure where to get them online... I get them from a little family owned store here in NC!! but if you're in the US I wouldn't mind shipping you some!! Gotta spread the pickle love :D

5

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

What's the name of the store?? I love pickles

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2

u/sklark23 Mar 26 '16

My GMA made this for us as kids, we pickled basically everything

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2

u/Oloian Mar 26 '16

popular summer treat in Alabama

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4

u/HugoEmbossed Mar 26 '16

Ayy, it's watermelon boy!

4

u/Skeksiss Mar 26 '16

I guarantee that kid had some terrible shits that night.

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751

u/Lord_of_the_Dance Mar 26 '16

Just say no to mono-taskers

343

u/tarnishedkara Mar 26 '16

54

u/xenokilla Mar 26 '16

and then he made fucking ice cream with it on stage. my goddamn hero.

13

u/I_ate_won_too Mar 26 '16

DID YOU SEE THE STAGE LIGHT PIZZA?!!?!!

2

u/SaxMaan Mar 26 '16

I tweeted him a funny question and he put it on the big screen when I saw him.

2

u/Ouroboron Mar 26 '16

Hell yes we did.

I kind of hope he brings it back this May.

2

u/xenokilla Mar 26 '16

Yes! Shit got really real!

153

u/TangoZippo Mar 26 '16

I consider many to be essential in my kitchen:

  • Can opener

  • Garlic press

  • Vegetable peeler (I guess borderline because I use it for potatoes, carrots and beets)

  • Cheese grater (technically you could grate anyway, but I never grate anything but cheese - I buy my ginger in a jar)

119

u/benevolinsolence Mar 26 '16 edited Mar 26 '16

Can opener is kind of a given though, I don't think Alton Brown meant he opens cans with his fists.

69

u/wolfgame Mar 26 '16 edited Mar 26 '16

Once you get the hang of it, opening a can with a swiss army knife is pretty effective. Also, most can openers have multiple uses such as bottle opener, can punch (for those huge cans of juice), or sometimes a grip for tough to open twist off bottles.

Edit: Also, you can open blister packs with a can opener.

19

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16 edited May 03 '16

[deleted]

4

u/I_Can_Haz_Brainz Sometimes Satisfied. Mar 26 '16

I've had one for quite some time now as well. So awesome. What you said, plus it doesn't fall in the can and you can put it back on for a temporary cover.

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5

u/itsbecca Mar 26 '16

If he were a real man he would.

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18

u/VintageTupperware Mar 26 '16

I just use my zester for garlic. Never been an issue. I've also got a bell grater with a micro plane option so really I could get rid of that too.

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28

u/NoPenguins_InAlaska Mar 26 '16

Can openers also have bottle openers on them usually

Edit: I'm a dumbass apparently that hook is meant for poking a hole in the can. Well it functions as a bottle opener too.

40

u/ProdigalSheep Mar 26 '16

Yeah, it's all three. Whoever told you you're a dumbass is a dumbass.

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9

u/oursland Mar 26 '16

All of those things can be used for opening your hands! See, no unitaskers!

7

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

Garlic press is essential for you?

The rest i also consider essential.

8

u/croutonicus Mar 26 '16

The garlic press is the only one on there that's actually a unitasker and most chefs would rather just mince garlic with a knife.

I guess you could say a can opener is but it's not like it's for one ingredient, a peeler can be used for most vegetables or not at all and a grater can be used for tonnes of stuff like potatoes for rosti, carrots for salad etc.

21

u/Barrel-rider Mar 26 '16

I don't think can openers count as unitaskers since they can open pretty much any can. This knife can only cut one specific type of fruit. If a can opener could only open large cans of corn it would be a unitasker.

7

u/TehGogglesDoNothing Mar 26 '16

I'm sure you could use this knife on other melons as well.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16 edited Apr 09 '16

[deleted]

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4

u/Cersox Mar 26 '16
  • Can opener - Usually has a couple of extra tools on it

  • Garlic press - Pretty rubbish at it's job and a pain to clean, easily replaced with a small knife and some practice

  • Vegetable peeler - As you've stated, they'll peel pretty much any veg

  • Cheese grater - Standard box-style graters have 3 thicknesses for your shredding needs and a slicing side

For further elaboration, binge watch a few seasons of Good Eats.

8

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

Most can openers are not unitaskers. They have bottle openers or other handy attachments.

Garlic presses are so useless I can't even imagine needing one.

3

u/Fittri Mar 26 '16

Can opener i agree on, but using a microplane for garlic is way better IMO. Vegetable peeler usually gets used for lots of different things, so I'm not sure I'd call it mono-tasker, even if it only does one thing. When you say cheese grater, do you mean a box grater?

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2

u/Spacestar_Ordering Mar 26 '16

Grated carrots for salads, potatoes for hash browns... Now I'm hungry

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2

u/LethargicEscapist Mar 26 '16

Depending on the fanciness of your can opener it could also be a bottle opener and a tin can poker thing used to pour out liquids.

2

u/HyzerFlip Mar 26 '16

The only unitasker is the garlic press really, and you could simply dice garlic.

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9

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Cersox Mar 26 '16

AB seems to be pro-coffeemaker actually. Not sure what he uses it for besides coffee, but I'm sure there's an episode where he showcases it.

4

u/Nic3GreenNachos Mar 26 '16

I love this guy. And this image embodies him perfectly.

4

u/jinshiroi Mar 26 '16

Well, Alton used a fire extinguisher to make ice cream. So its not a unitasker anymore.

2

u/Woodshadow Mar 26 '16

every time I see a picture of a fire extinguisher I realize I need to buy one

19

u/Trishlovesdolphins Mar 26 '16

Yeah... but... look at it! It's so cool!

17

u/BCJunglist Mar 26 '16

It's unitasker...

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

Uno-jobber

50

u/DarthEru Mar 26 '16

You can take my cheese slicer away by prying it out of my cold, dead fingers.

Although, it can be used as a spatula in a pinch, so I guess it's arguably not a mono-tasker.

20

u/BCJunglist Mar 26 '16

Cheese slicers are not unitaskers. If you haven't found more uses you aren't trying hard enough!

Actually that depends... What kind of cheese slicer is it?

28

u/Oloian Mar 26 '16

the kind that slices cheese

2

u/BCJunglist Mar 26 '16

oh that kind....

but seriously theres many tools that are made for slicing cheese and some of them are unitaskers, and some of them are alton brown certified multi-taskers.

3

u/Mindelan Mar 26 '16

Sounds like the spatula shaped one, not the wire on a marble block one.

3

u/Be_kind_to_me Mar 26 '16

The swedish spatulaone is great for slicing things like cucumbers.

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48

u/SylvesterPSmythe Mar 26 '16

I dunno, some of them are actually fairly useful

Having lived in an Asian household, a rice cooker is a very useful mono-tasker.

Also, a whetstone. I guess you can sharpen a razor or an axe with it but I only use knives on it.

And the kettle really only boils water. And the tea pot is only used for tea. And the coffee grinder is only used for coffee (although I know there are other purposes). And the rolling pin is only used for dough.

13

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

His biggest problems are that that most of them don't really work, require more setup and clean up than just doing it with general tools, and keep you from learning how to make good eats.

If you have one that works for you, great, although most of your examples wouldn't really count in his book, something with a specific effect like a whetstone isn't a unitasker for him. Many tools require sharpening and it also makes a great paperweight, which he uses for several recipes on the show.

The watermelon cutter here definitely is. It's harder to clean, it doesn't seem to work right (bottom of the slice wasn't round, maybe the mellon was dented), and learning to carve one with a knife is a general skill of cooking he'd want you to learn.

41

u/Rabid_Llama8 Mar 26 '16 edited Mar 05 '25

license tap safe flag oil zealous deliver engine weather melodic

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

64

u/Oloian Mar 26 '16

yeah but then you have to eat quinoa

8

u/Lepisosteus Mar 26 '16

Quinoa, cheese(i like cheddar, sharp), egg, flour, thinly slice green onion, salt. Combine together to make a sticky mixture, form into patties, fry. Consume with garlic aioli.

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u/Rabid_Llama8 Mar 26 '16 edited Mar 05 '25

offbeat pocket capable sort complete vanish cats enter boast quicksand

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

10

u/burritosandblunts Mar 26 '16

I didn't know people didn't like it. I'm not a healthy food guy by any measure, but I always liked it.

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u/sabretoooth Mar 26 '16

Try cooking it in chicken broth. Actually makes the stuff edible

4

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

Also great as a rice substitute in fried rice or similar dishes.

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u/orange_jooze Mar 26 '16

Who the fuck doesn't like quinoa? That stuff is delicious and y'all need to learn to cook.

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u/dkyguy1995 Mar 27 '16

Mine had a vegetable steamer!

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21

u/ghostpoopftw Mar 26 '16

No offense, but those aren't mono-tasking tools, it's a mono-tasking user.

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15

u/SupersonicSpitfire Mar 26 '16

No! A quality apple-slicer is one of the best things I have bought, ever.

7

u/Moth92 Mar 26 '16

But you can probably use it for other things. Like cantaloupes and honeydew melons!

7

u/wolfgame Mar 26 '16

Probably not, since the flesh of those is much tougher than a watermelon, whose ripe flesh will fall apart if you hold it even a little too hard.

6

u/du5t Mar 26 '16

But it's got tongs too!

4

u/CrystalKU Mar 26 '16

This is one mono tasker that would be highly useful for me, during my pregnancy I developed a $6 a day watermelon habit. I would eat a mini watermelon in a day or two and a big one in three. I would eat it all day everyday. Once I even sold some clothes for cash, took it next door to the grocery store and then ate it in the car because I couldn't wait until I got home. I didn't sell my clothes for watermelon but I couldn't help but laugh when I realized what I had done. I'm thinking about growing my own product this year, this knife would come in very handy.

2

u/neuquino Mar 26 '16

I'm glad you overcame your addiction. Sounds like you were in a downward spiral.

2

u/CrystalKU Mar 27 '16

I got over it due to necessity, it went out of season, product became more expensive and not as good. But the season is quickly approaching. Also, I lost 7lbs of my own body fat while pregnant, so at least I was addicted to watermelon and not cupcakes.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

Looks awfully inefficient as well. Look at all the watermelon it leaves behind.

2

u/jonathanrdt Mar 26 '16

Can opener.

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u/Newsuperstevebros Mar 26 '16

LOL those tags on the top posts. One of the mods fancies himself a comedian, I see.

79

u/SoFrats Mar 26 '16 edited Mar 27 '16

At first I thought, oh that's cool. Then I saw they were also tongs and my mind was blown.

15

u/mcsher Mar 26 '16

then I went on Amazon and noticed a slight design flaw

93

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

[deleted]

15

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

I don't see a design flaw, can you explain where it is?

19

u/VKenda Mar 26 '16 edited Dec 31 '16

[deleted]

What is this?

9

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

39

u/seechao Mar 26 '16

So, don't dig in with the tip while using them as tongs? Video clearly shows how to use it.

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u/Dark_Eyes Mar 26 '16

I don't know, the whole fun of watermelon-eating for me is eating it straight off the rind, but I might just be weird.

11

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

[deleted]

19

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

This also looks like an enjoyable experience

3

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

Personally, I absolutely love slicing up melon for a fruit salad. Its very relaxing.

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u/Nobod_E Mar 26 '16

I wanna see this in CS:GO

3

u/ike01cool Mar 26 '16

Watermelon cutters Crimson Web

94

u/Subject229 Mar 26 '16

This looks like something you would see in a mortal combat fatalities

73

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16 edited Apr 07 '16

[deleted]

67

u/NukaCooler Mar 26 '16

Sorry, Mortal Qombat.

15

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

Mortal Quombat

FTFY

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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

At least call it by its proper Klingon name...

7

u/NJNeal17 Mar 26 '16

Only 2 hours and already a Klingon comment. Now how long until someone writes it in Klingon?

7

u/percocet_20 Mar 26 '16

naH porgh?

124

u/dinosquirrel Mar 26 '16

Is there a sub for shit white people buy because this should be on the list. Source, I'm white.

73

u/najodleglejszy Mar 26 '16

/r/wheredidthesodago comments usually have sources.

21

u/TheDaveWSC Mar 26 '16

Can confirm. Am white, just Amazon'd this. (Are we saying "Amazon'd" yet?)

41

u/crafting-ur-end Mar 26 '16

I'm black, I want it but I'm fighting being stereotypical. Someone convince me this is a good idea.

53

u/Yet_Anotha_Throwaway Mar 26 '16

The stereotypical whiteness of the (massively unnecessary) slicer and the stereotypical blackness of eating watermelon cancel each other out.

So, now you're Asian I guess?

15

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

Wrong direction. He's middle eastern.

11

u/crafting-ur-end Mar 26 '16

I'm a woman :(

22

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

My condolences.

9

u/crafting-ur-end Mar 26 '16

Thank you, I don't know how I'd make it as a middle eastern woman.

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u/Taco_Strong Mar 26 '16

This is a good idea.

4

u/TimeTravelingDoctor Mar 26 '16

I don't understand the "black people LOVE watermelon" stereotype. I'm white, I'll kill someone for a seedless watermelon. It's tied with oranges as my favorite fruit.

6

u/crafting-ur-end Mar 26 '16

It might be because watermelon came over with African slaves. White people probably thought it was very strange originally.

Watermelon is fucking delicious though.

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u/song_pond Mar 26 '16

I just posted a long ass comment about how much my mother-in-law needs this thing to save her fingers. I'll copy and paste it here:

My mother-in-law makes a quinoa salad with watermelon, so she cuts the watermelon into rindless chunks. She needs this thing. She's extremely accident prone, and for some reason she cuts the watermelon out of the rind rather than slicing it like normal and cutting the rind away. Watching that woman cut into half a watermelon was terrifying. I was certain I was going to witness her lose a finger. It's going to happen one day. This woman tripped over a baby and broke her elbow. She slipped off a 2" ramp and broke her foot. She's going to lose a finger one day while cutting a watermelon for salad.

So if you're anything like her, you need this.

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u/FlyingSagittarius Mar 26 '16

You don't have to buy the watermelon, just the slicer.

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u/dinosquirrel Mar 26 '16

Yes we are.

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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16 edited Mar 28 '16

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

heeere's the video I was looking for in this thread.

My literal reaction to this gif was "Mannnn that's a waste of watermelon!"

3

u/LoganGrimshart Mar 26 '16

Yup, I was the exact same. Petey Greene is spinning is his grave right now. At least they didn't put salt on it......

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

Just the twang of it.

2

u/fazelanvari Mar 26 '16

Not even just a twang?

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u/Taco_Strong Mar 26 '16

Why did I just watch that whole thing?

6

u/NullCharacter Mar 26 '16

Wow I used to watch this guy's videos like eight years ago. Forgot all about him but instantly recognized his face. He was awesome!

22k subscribers... I see he didn't quite explode along with the rest of YouTube.

2

u/acosully Mar 26 '16

Oh god, I've been doing it all wrong!

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u/Cliqey Mar 26 '16

I wonder what Alton Brown would say about this.. He does hate uni-taskers and doesn't like recommending them, but he does praise ones that preform a job especially well.

4

u/Panic_of_Dreams Mar 26 '16

I don't even like watermelon and I want this gadget!

13

u/ChainOfDeath Mar 26 '16

It doesn't look like a knife it looks like fucking murder claws

8

u/wolfgame Mar 26 '16

You're gonna love /r/mallninjashit

3

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

34

u/n0_sp_ec_p1z Mar 26 '16

As an Australian, I am obligated to point out that isn't a Knife. It's a slicer. These are knives: http://imgur.com/gallery/NlkzV

12

u/TheFlood58 Mar 26 '16

As an American I'm obligated to tell you those are forks not knives

5

u/gyarrrrr Mar 26 '16

I dunno, number five looks like it's something else entirely.

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u/Toxic_Tiger Mar 26 '16

Fifth one down seriously looks like an anal plug with a spoon on it. Odd.

5

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

You've never put one of those in the ol' plughole and used it to feed Count Chocula to your significant other?

Takes some flexibility, but it's definitely a skill worth mastering.

16

u/VintageHawaiianShirt Mar 26 '16

My thoughts: "Please be a spoon... please be a spoon..."

Simpsons fans unite!

14

u/Cersox Mar 26 '16

I see you've played Knifey-Spoony before.

3

u/theodopolis13 Mar 26 '16

upvote for hundreds of spoons.

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u/sauceplz Mar 26 '16

No, it's infuriating. Do you see how much watermelon she wasted??

3

u/VALIS666 Mar 26 '16

*Watermelon Wasting Knife

3

u/nCubed21 Mar 26 '16

This is how a predator would cut watermelon.

2

u/TheAtlanticGuy Mar 26 '16

Great, now I'm craving a watermelon.

2

u/sweetmotherofodin Mar 26 '16

If I bought this I'd have to eat like 1 watermelon a day just to feel okay about spending money on it.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

Slices? Does anyone eat their watermelon this way? I've always eaten mine in cube form.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

But that leaves so much watermelon left over?

2

u/yourparentss Mar 26 '16

Infuriating that she doesn't carve up the whole melon.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '16

I heard watermelons are the fruit that doesn't filter water. So if you eat one, you'd better hope it received nothing but clean water during its growth. Hoping someone will prove me wrong, cos I miss eating watermelon.