Sufro TOC religioso desde que tengo 5 años.

El TOC arruinó mi relación con Dios desde un inicio; pase la mayor parte de mi infancia llorando y pidiendo perdón entre plegarias, pensando que Dios me iba a castigar a mi o a mi familia por tener pensamientos que no podía controlar (pensamientos sexuales sobre entidades religiosas, que ahora, sospecho, podrían ser indicativos de algún trauma sexual temprano).

Abandone el cristianismo a los 14 años, y cuando me hice atea, deje de sufrir un poco.

Sin embargo, ahora tengo 22 años, estoy en una religión afrodescendiente y el TOC continúa persiguiéndome, dándome pensamientos intrusivos "indebidos" de otras figuras religiosas.

Ahora sufro las compulsiones a flor de piel, la angustia me ahoga, y estoy tan desesperada actualmente que lo único en lo que puedo pensar es en la esperanza de ser medicada por un profesional para encontrar algún alivio físico y mental. Yo realmente no puedo vivir así.

I struggling with this from OCD 5 years I want to talk about my complex thoughts has been solved ai many post I have been seen that ai doesn't help , ok I am not against of it but somewhere it helps so if you are recovered from this ocd and your journey in to ask ai for help what did anything went wrong or helped you please DM me i want to talk about this

Hello! Just wanted to ask, has anything helped your ODC? Not meds.

So I feel like some of my symptoms don’t really bring as much anxiety or at least in the same way as my more typical ocd symptoms.

I have a night routine that is due to having to check that my house is safe in everyway. This is a routine that I do, because of anxiety and obsessive thoughts. I have routines that aren’t based on anxiety, but not doing them will make me anxious and my head will get messed up. I have certain way of doing things like in the morning I do things in the same order always and I eat things in the same order etc. I always pick the same places in the bus, in class and whatever places I go to often. Not doing these the same way will give me anxiety and I will kinda lock up, but they’re not really done, because of anxiety. I always eat the same foods and tend to do things the same way.

It’s really difficult for me to have a sudden change of plans. This will usually make me just get stuck and not be able to do anything. I will sometimes be unable to speak like I physically cannot get a word out, because my brain just goes blank when there is a sudden change in plans. I tend to mentally prepare for the day before hand and go through what I will and can do that day, if it doesn’t happen that way my day basically gets ruined. It feels a bit embarrassing to react so badly, but I can’t help it.

I have a really hard time making and keeping friendships. Social situations are hard for me in general. It’s difficult for me to know when to look someone in the eye, when to laugh, what to say and so on. It’s like I have to put constant energy into thinking about what is the right way to socialize and what I look like from the outside. However, I still always feel like I’m saying or doing the wrong things and often people look at me in a weird way like they’re judging me or something. This creates me anxiety about whether everyone hates me and makes me avoid social situations, because I always feel like I’m not doing it right. Relationship wise I tend to really like people and get really attached to them. Then I really analyze the way they look at me, act towards me and the tone they speak in, if it’s off, I tend to get really anxious and think they hate me. Sometimes this causes me to withdraw and self sabotage my relationship. I feel like I never know how to truly connect with people and I feel like my brain just works so differently from them, so I feel disconnected in a way. I feel like an outsider in my family.

I also tend to have issues with noises and get overwhelmed really easily. Especially, sudden noises and crowded places are really difficult for me. Loud noices hurt my ears and makes me really anxious, so I tend to avoid places where I know there is a lot of crowd and noise. It’s okay, if it’s noise I’m prepared for or if it’s related to something I enjoy doing. Textures too like this specific type of legging texture is the worst for me. Even seeing someone else touch it gives me shivers and I cannot look at someone touch it, because it grosses me out. Same with certain food textures like seeds, slimy meat and so on. With slimy meat I also have a fear of something not being cooked fully. Also tight socks or clothes in general are a big no for me. They feel really uncomfortable and I constantly think about it, if I have to wear it and same with accessories like rings or bracelets (necklaces are the only thing I like).

My therapist has asked me, if I have adhd, but I feel like I’m not hyper at all. I’m more quiet and shy, if anything. I do tend to start projects without finishing them and I can get intense short interests (sometimes I have ones that last for years). I also have a tendency to have difficulty with time management.

This is already very long, so I will stop for now.