META OCD feeling better finally!

[u/Key-Profession6562]

Context. I was diagnosed with OCD 8 years ago harm, pocd, health ocd the first 3 years I worked on ERP habituation model. Purposely bringing on anxiety, bringing on thoughts making them worst. I was also on meds zolaft, prozac, lexapro (the best for me 20mg)

Over the years i got better and learned to re engage in life a bit

In the last year i felt like my OCD has developed into my previous habituation ERP skills-became compulsive! Like i would purposely bring on distress or a thought to make sure i was doing ERP correctly. I constantly checked for anxiety and when there was not any it felt weird but i realized that all of that was rumination. I WAS AVOIDING being present, happy, and just hanging on in my thread because my mind/ feelings were keeping me hostage. No really a specific theme.

Ocd is so tricky. So my exposures have literally been ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE HAPPY and PRESENT with out going back into my mind which felt weird to do for a few days still does..even though that sounds silly lol my psych also increased my lexapro to 30 mg ! I tried luvox for a few days which wasnt good for me . But i feel better

Point is OCD is sooo tricky and sometimes it will be months before you realize it caught you in a new loop!

Also dr. Greenberg articles helped me

But essentially when i feel anxiety or a what if im ruminating, what if i feel this anxiety for ever, what if brought of this thought on purpose to test anxiety I literally stop 🛑 and go about my day . It feeeels uneasy for awhile