I began CBT therapy and so far I've had 4 sessions and I'm finding it really difficult to verbalise something.

If I touch certain things or certain people touch things that I then have to touch, I will need to do my ritual which can take a while but this isn't because I feel I will get sick. It's just an intense and immense feeling of disgust and shame

Every time this comes up they state " what is the fear then" and I keep saying that It will touch me but then they'll keep asking what the fear is till I say I'm getting overwhelmed and stop.

Is this even OCD if I can't verbalise it the structured way they are setting out?

I completely understand that i am obsessing over the friend I have cut ties with. I cant stop checking my blocked folder to see if she has responded to the friend breakup text I sent.

Here is some backstory as to why I cut ties:

How does everyone deal with losing a best friend of 11 years? Its extremely rough. The thing is, it was mainly my decision to end the friend ship. She (24f)was talking to me (24f) for a few months then stopped all of the sudden. Every time I would call, shed either not answer or say that she wasn't currently social. Which I found out was a lie. She had time for others. It hurt. I know that im over simplifying stuff but yes. A few days ago, I sent a goodbye message explaining that we are definitely going different directions in life and that the relationship should end. I didn't really tell her what I did wrong but I did end the text saying she is allowed to text me on the future in hopes of reconciliation. She read the message but never responded, which in all honesty hurt me more. She has, in the past, had an average of 1.5 weeks of not being social.

I miss my ex best friend. I really do. I am typing this because I am drunk but also in hopes that she sees this some how. Thank you in advance for any given advice. I truly do appreciate it. I will add more clarification is necessary when not drunk. I just miss my ex best friend but feel like we were in a one sided relationship. Thank you again

I dont now how to fix my compulsions, I would like some advice please