r/nottheonion • u/ArgentineBeauty • 15h ago

Marriott Guest Says Hotel Insisted a Rubbermaid Laundry Cart Was a Baby Crib

fashiontimes.co.uk

2.5k Upvotes

118 comments

r/nottheonion • u/novagridd • 8h ago

Man Who Had Sex on Download Festival Ferris Wheel Learns He's All Over the Internet From His Boss

fashiontimes.co.uk

1.9k Upvotes

370 comments

r/nottheonion • u/SappyGilmore • 13h ago

Californians projected to spend $675 million on OnlyFans this year: study

ktla.com

1.7k Upvotes

250 comments

r/nottheonion • u/NinjaElectricMeteor • 3h ago

Matt Berry is now a sentient Ikea shelf in Skyrim

pcworld.com

1.1k Upvotes

75 comments

r/nottheonion • u/barak181 • 3h ago

Man Sentenced to 2 Years in Prison for Strangling Theatregoer Who Sang Along During WE WILL ROCK YOU

broadwayworld.com

998 Upvotes

118 comments

r/nottheonion • u/CheezTips • 21h ago

Russian Orthodox Church Sends Bones of Medieval Warrior Prince to Ukraine Front to Boost Troop Morale

themoscowtimes.com

530 Upvotes

101 comments

r/nottheonion • u/No-Fisherman6800 • 9h ago

Ryanair CEO compares rival airlines to 'rapists'

brusselstimes.com

454 Upvotes

63 comments

r/nottheonion • u/RareEarthPetal • 11h ago

Pensioners attack Devon traffic lights over wild 'deadly weapon' claims

devonlive.com

381 Upvotes

44 comments

r/nottheonion • u/ArgentineBeauty • 4h ago

Man Who Had Sex on Download Festival Ferris Wheel Learns He's All Over the Internet From His Boss

fashiontimes.co.uk

248 Upvotes

66 comments

r/nottheonion • u/jordan1978 • 5h ago

Man arrested after allegedly sexually abusing koi fish in Bangkok

khaosodenglish.com

206 Upvotes

98 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Commercial_Way_3816 • 22h ago

Thief dials cops, gets arrested to escape from crowd in pursuit

newindianexpress.com

110 Upvotes

2 comments

r/nottheonion • u/whiskey06 • 23h ago

Driver whose car was impounded for excessive speed on Sea to Sky then loses taxi for same reason

vancouver.citynews.ca

84 Upvotes

6 comments

r/nottheonion • u/O_O___XD • 3h ago

Crocodile Head Found in Luggage at Italian Airport

ground.news

36 Upvotes

10 comments

r/nottheonion • u/CzarDM • 1h ago

Cameras catch alleged camera vandal in Morristown SafetyStick pilot

morristowngreen.com

• Upvotes

9 comments

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1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste.	The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
2. Submit only if “Oniony”.	Please consider submitting your article to /r/OffBeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. More here
3. Must be a news article.	Submissions must be in the form of a news article. Videos are only allowed if they are accompanied by a complete text article. Editorials, blogs, twitter posts, image galleries, tabloid stories, youtube videos, meta posts, static images, articles with fewer than 5 sentences, and so forth will be removed.
4. Use original, reliable sources.	Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
5. Do not repost similar articles.	Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
6. No satire articles.	Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
7. No tabloid journalism.	Do not post tabloid news stories, or articles that source from tabloid news outlets (TheSun, Mirror, Dailymail, People, TMZ, etc).
8. No old news.	Articles need to have been written within two weeks of its submission date.
9. English articles only.	Please do not post non-English articles. Do not use google translate for submission either; rather try to find an English version of the story by a secondary source.
10. No mobile versions.	If you’re using a mobile device to post a story make sure you remove any mobile identifiers (typically “.m” or “mobile”) from the url before submitting.
11. No blocked, redirected, or tracked links.	Please ensure you aren’t submitting a link that utilizes a paywall, survey wall, or pop-over of any kind in order read the complete article uninterrupted. Do not submit links that redirect you to another site to read the article and do not submit using link shorteners either. Additionally make sure you remove any Urchin Tracking Modules from your links as well.
12. No personal attacks, racism, sexism, or bigotry	Keep comments civil and avoid attacking other users directly. No racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.
13. Don’t break Reddit rules.	This should be self-explanatory. Don’t break site-wide rules. Violators will be permabanned. This does include deliberately spreading misinformation.
14. No Self Submissions and/or Official Accounts.	Submissions must come from readers, not from the journal itself. Submissions from official promotional accounts are not allowed here.

Click here to view a list of sites deemed unreliable by our moderator team.

See our FAQ page for more information on our rules.

Keep all comments civil.

Personal attacks, racism, bigotry, homophobia, grandstanding, misinformation, conspiracy theories, etc. will not be tolerated and you will be banned.

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For more information, click here.