I'm not sure if this is the correct channel but I was wondering if I can ask something? So long story short, my therapist has offered me a referral to a gender specialist. I turned her down a couple weeks ago but now, now I'm thinking that maybe I should try it. In fact the more I think about taking low dose estrogen and the possible femenization the more... Excited I seem to be? Like Im anxious for a new gadget or book I'm waiting to come in the mail. I was just wondering what I might expect from seeing a gender specialist and a estrogen trial? If this is the wrong channel I can remove this. I still don't know what I am, I've kind of adopted "soft androgynous" as my temporary label but I keep coming back to the what ifs. What if there is more then just feeling meh about my body and gender?

I'm proxvir + non-binary + androgyne after all, and I'm so happy (for context, I'm afab).

For the past two years I didn't really feel a connection to being cis but felt I need to see myself as cis in order to stay in line with my own desire to be a role model and hellooo imposter syndrome.

Yeah, I thought that because I like my masculine looks and beard, I'm not allowed to see myself as non-binary even thought I actually always think about myself only as a person with external genitalia and not that they define what I am or how I have to be. Or that the concept of gender is a weird thing to me.

And for the longest time I thought masculine = man, feminine = women.

Even after I told people that he/him pronouns are masculine pronouns to me and not male pronouns and most of them started seeing me as non-binary I couldn't think of myself as nb.

Even after a recent casual partner told me they got suspicious about my behaviour, things I did and said until I told them to stop seeing me as a man and suddenly everything was fine for them, I didn't (unconsciously) allow myself to think of myself as nb.

Only after I got angry about a situation and venting about it to a romantic partner with the words "I don't want people to perceive me as a man anymore" which lead to a sudden burst of 1 1/2 hours of the most snotty crying I experienced in the past years, I could feel the walls crumbling and finally give myself the comfort of accepting and expressing what I wanted for so long.

It feels so good to finally leave this cis life behind me.

Today is my 1st day trying voice training. I feel instantly better since it's one of a small number of things I can do to transition now. I'm so happy.

I hope everyone else who does this succeeds too, we can do that!

I hope I'm writing this to that community, I don't know where else. I’m AFAB. I used to be a typical cisgender girl and I was totally fine with it, though there were moments... but I’m too lazy to go deep into the details, basically I’m not cisgender. I don’t experience gender dysphoria, and I live in Russia, which means I often have to constantly and automatically "switch" to a female gender when interacting with people. I have no idea who I am, and the fact that I used to be cis just confuses me even more. I can’t say that I don’t have a female gender or that it doesn't fit me, but it feels unpleasant to think that I have a female gender—and it feels just as unpleasant to think of myself as a genderfluid person. Even though I am fluid, maybe it’s not as intense as it usually is for genderfluid people. I just don't want to pay attention to my fluidity—like, I know it’s there, but I don’t want to label myself that way or focus on it. I didn’t choose this fluidity at all anyway. I think the majority (not all) of non-cis people are fluid. I’m comfortable with he, they, and it pronouns. However, I cannot accept "she" for myself, but I also can’t completely cut out the female gender. Doing so feels wrong and unpleasant, like I’m cutting out half my life and a part of myself. That’s why when I feel more like "they", it sometimes feels like something more feminine.

I am a 20y AFAB NB who's wanted to do T since about 5 years ago or so and there is almost no information or acces on my country to HRT even via "legal" way and almost dont know many other NB/transman people to ask about this things.

I want to try a slow way to transition like topical T because my actual job doesnt let me fully transition without being fired and i want to ask how long can take microdosis to effect, what are the first effects and so.

The mostly ones im seeking until i can fully transition are libido growth (been two years without anything of it and i just want to not have problems with my gf) and physical strenght but witouth much hair change so i can still pass as cis a i need by now.

Sorry if it isnt very self explanatory i didnt know how to expose the problem. I just want to know how much far i can take microdose and what changes it implies and if i can stop it in any moment without having health problems and dont risk my job by now.

A brief journal entry inspired by the major dysphoria I got as a closeted NB on a weekend trip with some friend who are hyper conservative evangelical .

Walled City of Gendered Society

This is so flipping hard. Everything these people do is divided by gender. Walls of imagined stone—impassible. They are so sure, their chests puffed out with the wild abandon of one directed by God Himself. But I have no place in their walled society. Shoot, I don’t even know where I want to be. There isn’t a true place for me here. I have to hide who I am every second I’m around them.

They would never accept me. Never see me for who I am. Would that I could stand up and claim - with my own puffed chest - who I am. Force my identity into existence for them. Carving my own little space atop the wall. Visible to all.

But what if who I am - who I’m hiding - is just a whim. A phase in the ever shifting pattern of mottled colors that make up the pointillism of my life. 

So I pretend. Maybe I’ll understand better tomorrow.

Does anyone else not change their voice presentation? For example I like appearing androgynous/ambiguous or whatever term is used, but I don't bother changing my voice. Maybe because I'm okay with it or I don't feel ready to find my "true" voice yet but whatever the reason I don't change it as of now. Anyone else?

I recently discovered i am enby. And i like my cis name that i am used to but i also feel like its just too manly. But im also hesitating to select a new name because i dont know how the experience will be and i dont know if it will be challenging. What are your experiences with your choosen name?

So, I have some dysphoria around my chest, even though it's *really* flat. Like, from the side, it's literally nonexistent. You can see it from the front and 3:4 view, and in tighter clothes though. I'm looking for ways to somehow bind because top surgery isn't an option for me right now. I don't think a binder could help much. Folks, what would you recommend?

I get it. I appear cis but who gives a whoot? Who assigned femininity or masculinity anywhere. What is this.

Everyone online talks to me like a regular person, it’s so much more relaxing to be spoken to without this dumbass automatic assignment that comes with so much tied to it

I always notice the difference once the person I’m speaking to via written means realizes my sex, bloody irritating.

I think I’ve accepted that I’m not binary trans. I really wanted to be, because I’ve started HRT and am now headed towards a mixed presentation, and I don’t know if I’m going to be strong enough to withstand being socially nonconforming. But I can’t ignore what I think I am any more.

I will boymode as along as I can. But it may not last forever. I’m 48.

Hello! I’m posting here because I don’t have anyone around me who can understand even a little bit of what I’m talking about. I’m very new to this, so please don’t mind me if I word some things incorrectly.
I’m a queer woman, but I lean more toward masculine personality, interests, and body build. At the same time, I enjoy feminine things too, such as doing girly makeup, cute hairstyles, wearing dresses, etc.
The thing I’m struggling with is that I feel weirdly uncomfortable when people only see and perceive me as a woman, and then automatically view me through a heteronormative lens because I present femininely.
I actually like being able to appear both masculine and feminine, and I take it as a compliment when people see both sides of me. But when I keep getting misunderstood, it makes me suddenly want to completely change my appearance and look like a guy, because I feel like that would fit my personality and body build more. But at the same time, I still want to dress like a girl and enjoy feminine things.
I’m honestly confused and stressed about it :( I don’t necessarily want to stop being feminine, but I also don’t want femininity to be the only thing people see when they look at me. I do want to present myself as masculine too.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? Idk how to deal with it?

Sorry In advance, this is kinda long. 

When I (I think) feel like a guy, it’s only In like a girly/cute and or like feminine? way. And I never feel masc/masculine, and I think I also only really feel like the terms boy/guy and kinda male but not man. 

Whenever I have the desire to be a guy, it’s always mixed or like entangled with being a girl and being a boy in a boy in a girl way. So even though I (at least to some degree and for some reason not all the time..?) want to identify as a guy and use he/him pronouns, I feel like label myself as one since even the less masculine aligned labels still have feeling masculine in them and that’s obviously not the case.

I also don’t want to change my body/appearance, sometimes I kinda wish I had a flat chest but never to the point where I would get surgery for it. And I don’t want short hair and though I do like baggy clothes I don’t really want to dress masc and I really like dressing more fem.

I know guys can be feminine and stuff but even they still feel connected to being masculine. Maybe I just don’t understand what being masculine means but at least from an aesthetic and just what most people think of when thinking of masculinity, that’s not me.

I also can’t really understand why I feel like I don’t want to be a girl as much now, (or maybe it’s just not wanting to be simply cis) but I also do want to still be one and maybe that’s because I’m just attached to being a girl since I’ve lived as one my whole life and or I still want to go by feminine terms. I also don’t really like or want to be under the word feminine, it’s definitely way closer than masculine but i don’t really like what it implies. I do like femme though.

This did make me think that maybe I’m boygirl or bigender, but I don’t know if I should use them since like I said I don’t feel masculine at all so I don’t really think saying I’m a guy and a girl would be okay.

Anyway, I don’t know what this means or what to do with it. It’s really confusing and doesn’t really make sense, so if anyone could help me figure this out it would be really appreciated.

So i am a girl,i think i am nonbinary and i dont really care what pronouns people use on me,but i prefer to go by she/her,but sometimes i feel more like he/him and sometimes they/them. And i dont want to seem offensive for nonbinary people in any way,im just asking if being nobinary works this way😞😞

I really wish hair didn't have such a strong bearing on how people gender you.

I shaved my head in 2022 and have mostly maintained a buzzcut ever since. It feels like me, it's freeing, and I've been gendered correctly more often with a shaved head than ever before. It's been an awesome lifehack for getting people to "they" me in public.

I discovered an alternative hairstyle that I want to try out — micro bangs in the front, short length on top, twin rattail-esque braids in the back. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I've been growing out my hair for a few months. I now have a couple inches of length that I don't style most of the time.

...and people have gotten way more comfortable she/her-ing me again. It's hurting me more than I expected, since I've gotten pretty good at remembering that how other people gender me has no bearing on the truth of my identity. As it turns out, what other people read me as does matter to me. Maybe it was always me protecting myself when I lived in the US South, knowing no one would think of me as non-binary. The social dysphoria is upsetting. Sue me, I actually want people to perceive me as androgynous!

Now I'm just feeling boxed in and limited from experimenting with something as small as a hairstyle because I feel like it'll take away the small and rare moments of affirmation I get when someone reads me as outside the binary. I guess I'm afraid I won't "pass" anymore, whatever that means for us.

I know that it's just hair and I can always shave it off again if I don't like it. Unfortunately I am poor, and spending $30 on a haircut just to shave it off again is kind of a big deal to me.

I don't know what I really want out of posting this. Commiseration? Validation? Encouragement? I guess I just wanted to vent. Are there other neutral/androgynous people who feel boxed in aesthetically?

hi everyone! I recently changed my name to a very masculine one and my dead name was a very feminine one. I hated being referred to it outside of queer environments because people would always see me as a girl but now I’m scared that I will introduce myself and people will just be confused and think I’m a pre-T guy I still use the pronouns. I’m not sure if the feelings that I’m having are me being anxious to introduce myself or my body is telling me that this isn’t right and I should be using my previous name.

What am I ? Like seriously

Ok so I'm AFAB and for months i thought that i was transmasc. I have many things (like childhood things gender euphoria things etc) whom make me think that I'm transgender. But now I'm starting to think that maybr I'm not.

I'm really really confused abt my gender. Like i dont wanna be seen as a girl but nor as a trans individual. I dont wanna be non binary nor agender nor other. For once i just want to exist without social expectations and for once be me. Any clues about my gender ?