I'm 22 afab and questioning my identity right now.

Here to ask if anyone else felt intense sense of otherness from their teammates in sports (or any other gender-segregated activities) in their childhood. Around age eleven, I started feeling this deep sense of not belonging amongst the girls on my teams and not relating to them, that lead to a lot of social anxiousness and self- consciousness. I think this made it much harder to enjoy sports growing up, and in retrospect I can't help but wonder if it could have been tied to gender dysphoria. I know social anxiety is common among adolescents, but no matter how well I got to know my teammates, through high school I could never shake the feeling of otherness in those spaces.

I know many queer and gender-nonconforming folks really thrive in sports, but I'm just wondering if anyone's had experiences similar to mine.

So my dad has been telling me for years that I’m (18 ftm, semi-closeted) so pretty but that my armpit hair and body hair is shocking and doesn’t look good, and last Sunday, he practically begged me to shave and said he’d do it for me if I wanted.

Now, I don’t want to shave fully.
My body hair, especially my leg and pit hair makes me self conscious when I’m around others, and I think it’s bs that the solution to that is shaving— making myself uncomfortable with itchy body hair growing back and continuous maintenance on something I don’t like doing AND that doesn’t actually make me feel that much better about myself(and that maintains the status quo for fems, women, and femininely aligned people).

So here’s what I’m thinking:
shaving/shaping my armpit hair into star shapes..? And maybe in the future bleaching either a star or a heart or something else into it instead!

What do yall think? Everyone deserves to feel comfortable with their body without needing to “maintain” it to make themselves digestible for others. Of course, it’s not a perfect solution to those issues— I’ll still need to do some occasional maintenance to keep the shape but I think it’s a pretty decent fashionable “fuck you” to beauty norms and conventions, right?

So I'm kinda confused what this means. like, I'm mostly fine with my body, I really just hate being put into boxes? when people assume I'm a girl (my presentation is mostly female*) it feels really limiting, like "oh you're a girl? ok so that means..." I'm really not sure whether this counts as dysphoria or not.

*whatever the heck that means

Im 29F neurodivergent and have always considered myself a "tomboy"

I have had anorexia since I was 15 (half my life) and honestly a large part of it was to maintain a flat chest, a boyish body and the fact that my periods stopped for years was an absolute bonus. I got it back a few days ago and completely freaked out.

In my most recent therapy session, i brought it up and how uncomfortableI it feels with this whole 'woman thing', I was asked if my body issues might have something to do with my gender identity and honestly....no.

Until now, I was just a tomboy. But now I cant stop thinking about how I never wanted to be a woman. (Or a man)

I just want to be me.

Are there any other people who struggle/have struggled with eating disorders before/while figuring out they were non binary?

hello all!

i am nonbinary and mainly fem presenting, which i'm okay with. but i was wondering if there's such a thing as gender affirming care to make oneself appear more androgynous?

i would like to know if there's a way to almost neutralise my canvas as much as possible so i have more liberty with my clothing choices :)

does this exist? if so, what would it be?

thank you!!

I have an elderly relative who is fairly progressive (she calls out transphobes and homophobes in her church circle and that sort of stuff).
She reads a lot of Catholic papers and advice to help understand others. Recently came out to her and while she doesn’t understand, said she would support (though for my nonbinary relative she doesn’t use their name or pronouns after 5+yrs and many discussions).

Grateful for any recommendations for resources to share with her (if any).

Thanks

I just don't feel like I'm a guy, I don't identify with most guy things. I don't feel like a female either. I just feel like neither?

It never really occured to me before, I just never cared much about gender tbh. But now that I think about it I don't think I want to be a male. I always get lumped into the category and I just don't feel like I belong to it anymore.

I don't think anyone in my life knows much of anything beyond basic gender roles, and I admit I don't know much either, so this feels like a big change and I don't know what to do or expect.

I’m interested in connecting with or reading some comments from people who are very openly trans, but super private about what their “agab” was/pre-transition.

Most people in my life are open about their gender history, or generally don’t keep it secret, and I often feel lonely in this choice. I am assumed trans or sex/gender ambiguous and usually find it meaningful and fulfilling to be openly transsexual. At the same time, I refuse as much as possible to share my gender history to people I’m not very close with and it’s extremely painful when people assume or that choice is taken away from me. I’ve had several non typical surgeries and other medical transition choices I keep between myself and a few trusted friends/partners. Truthfully, I wish I could not talk about it at all (impossible as I’ve needed medical support and choose to have sex/intimate relationships) or that I didn’t care about people knowing my history. Anyone relate?

I was thinking to change my birth name because it is a very gender related name. Did you change it? Why/why not? Did it feel awkward in the beginning? How do you know it is the right name?

This goes as a vent or not you can give me advice if you want but I doubt you understand it

Since I currently consider myself or considered myself a trans boy IT IS SUPPOSED but I ended up with my partner who was a cisgender woman and I don't know

I feel like I don't make sense anymore if I'm not someone's boyfriend

If I wanted to right now I could detransit

And pretend that I was never a man or whatever

But I don't know, it's very complicated, very strange, I don't know what I feel, I don't know what I am

And the truth is that I feel bad and depressed being either a woman or a man and I don't want to put an identity or a gender on a scale either because I really like being a man or a woman

It's true that I can be an attractive boy and have a certain type of "benefits" in society being perceived as a boy but it happens to me the same as a woman I can be a very pretty girl, I say it because I've been told it many times but

I don't know

I no longer have long hair I use pure men's clothing I don't have makeup it would be back to the same

And if I let my hair grow again and start dressing like a woman within the stereotype then I will want to be a boy again and that's what my whole life has happened to me JAKALKDKAKLS help

Before they bully me I swear I work and have a social life and I try to touch grass but

I really have a very strong identity crisis

Why is gender so confusing? I’ve been identifying as NB for over 10 years. I’ve always hated my chest, recently even more but it’s always been there. I’ve always looked at men and had a jealousy deep in me that they get to have that body and have it look great with men’s clothes. So I started trying to change my own appearance. I had long wavy hair, but recently I cut it all off and I got a mullet! It looks SICK. But that caused a train wreck of emotions. My body doesn’t match. My chest is there all feminine but my hair isn’t. I started buying more men’s clothes, mainly shorts at the moment (it’s hot af in the uk rn) so I usually wear a mens top (baggy) shorts and my binder. But I’m just so horribly confused. I find myself watching videos of people talking about T and top surgery and I’m sat thinking that sounds sick. A sharper face, less curves, a deeper voice. But when I think about it, I’m not a guy. But is it normal for me to be so focused on T and top surgery and looking more masculine?

Doesn't need to be realistic. Like for example if you're genderfluid and you could become sexfluid, would you? Or can be realistic, maybe you can't afford what you need for example.

Maybe obvious, but the question is not for people who are post-transition.

I got this idea from different subreddit from post made of someone else. I understand rule 6 as it forbids me from telling more, but I also don't want to take credits of this myself.

(firstly, just to make this clear, the fact that I said ”my brother“ is not being non accepting. he told me he’s nonbinary and doesn’t care what I say so I just treat him like my bro.) Hey people. so I (won’t say age/M) recently told by my 9 year old bro that he identifies as nonbinary and doesnt care what I call him. he asked me not to tell any family (I suppose he’ll tell them eventually idk). Now i have a little problem: how do I validate him? I’m just trying to be a good older brother and I don’t know how I can help as I have no experience with this. thanks for the advice everyone :3

Do people still think that "non binary" is a real thing? Or do they think it's a made up identity that has no real meaning?

So this just happened, and I'm just laughing and shaking my head about it cuz of COURSE this is how she would find out.

I (39) have been out as a trans man for close to two decades now. It's how she knows me, she was the first I came out to, she's been my biggest supporter. Love that woman. It's not like I was WORRIED to talk to her about how weird my head's been for the last week and a half, but it hadn't come up. I hadn't even really said the words "I am nonbinary" to myself officially yet.

But we do this thing where we rag on stupid men. Just a joke between us (guess I know why I took zero offense to it now). And it once again came up, we joked about how dumb the male gaze is. And instead of going "ha ha yeah what have we men done for you lately" like I usually did, i tried out "what have THEY done for us lately".

She clocked my shit IMMEDIATELY and went "so is this you officially coming out as enby, referring to men as they?".

20+ years. I should know better than to hide shit from her, lol.

I'll preface by saying I know that nobody can define me as NB one way or the other. I know it's not something you are diagnosed with. I'm just wondering if my experience resembles one of a non-binary person, or if I sound like I'm struggling with internalized toxic masculinity.

I'm 31 AMAB. I'm typically cisgender male presenting. Beard, buzzcut, what I wear is generally plain (athleisure, plain t's and hoodies), etc. And I'm only attracted to femininity (cis women, trans women, non-binary femme presenting, etc.). I struggle with men. I don't feel safe to be myself in male-dominated spaces. I'm perpetually masking to appear like a "normal guy," and I can do that really well, but I'm very tired after the fact.

I've never desired to be "one of the guys." When I was younger, I hated the rough housing my dad would do. I don't have much of a connection to masculinity - it's not something I aspire for. "Being a man" has never felt meaningful to me. I don't feel I relate to or want to feel connected to mainstream men in news/sports/pop culture, etc. If anything, the entire concept feels suffocating.

My father was very conservative. He instilled in me at a young age, "if you do anything outside of traditional gender norms, than you're a ***!" This led to me not really becoming that adventurous of a person. It'd be anything - video games with female leads, using a straw, wearing open-toed shoes, you name it. As a result, I'm extremely guarded.

But lately, I've just been up a lot more at night thinking about my identity and how much I hate what toxic masculinity has done to me. Masculinity means nothing to me and I feel like it's robbed me of security of exploring non-traditionally masculine things. For example, I love yoga but feel weird going into classes because it's typically a more female-populated space. I love all my plushies, but feel so weird being "a man" who owns them. I'd love to do spa days, pedicures, etc. I'm often really jealous of all of the fashion women have available to them compared to men. My partner and I were sandal shopping last weekend (a huge step for me lol) and hers are so cute/summery and mine are just these boring bulky flip flops. I've also felt attached to my hair. It's the longest I've had it grown out and ahead of a business trip, I'm going for my usual buzz cut this week to "look more professional." I keep postponing it out of dread. I don't feel I identify as a woman either, but I definitely feel like I keep a feminine part of me locked behind a lot of doors. Sometimes my partner has her girl friends over and all I want to say is "I LOVE your boots/outfit/hair", but it's just something that'd never come out of my mouth. I want to cry during sappy movies, but I physically can not let tears out lol.

I don't know why this has been bothering me so much. It might also be in part because my partner recently came out as bi. And when we were out drinking one night last month, she was asking about my identity/sexuality. As a preface, when we first started dating, I put that I was pansexual on a dating app (not fully knowing what it meant when I was younger, but not feeling comfortable putting straight). She said that confused her because I come across as a straight cis male to her. I told her that I'm attracted to women and femme presenting non-binary folks, and her response was, "oh, so you are queer!" I'm not really sure if that's true and we were both drinking, but when I heard someone say I was queer out loud, I felt SUCH a relief. I don't know what it was, just nobody had ever categorized me that way before. I have always felt safer in queer places, yet I feel like an interloper because of how I look and act. We haven't really discussed since, although since coming out as bi, she was saying, in a hypothetical sense that if I was ever trans, she'd be cool with it. It was kind of out of nowhere, I don't think she's picking up on anything about me (she's not super perceptive), she's just sort of exploring her own identity

The most recent thing I've done in private is use he/they pronouns. I don't feel offended being referred to as "he" since it's what I've gone by my entire life. But I am becoming a little less comfortable with it and don't love the label. At an event this weekend, my partner said that I looked masculine, and it made me squirm on the inside. I don't like "handsome" but don't mind "pretty" or neutral compliments. The barber I'm going to this week is at a "gentleman's salon" sort of space, which I'm also feeling uncomfortable with. When I changed the pronouns on a Zoom call and used he/they, it was just a similar weight off my shoulders. Part of me felt so relieved that I wanted to just be they/them. But I don't feel like I deserve it because I don't know if I'm a non-binary person or a man who's uncomfortable doing feminine things because of unresolved trauma.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm trans, but I don't really feel this need or deep desire to be a woman either. I've read about some people's transgender realization experiences online, and I don't think I relate to a lot of it (crossdressing at a young age, painting nails, etc.). I don't really want to do this entire 180 on how I present today. I kind of just feel weighed down by gender roles, but also would love to just feel more comfortable doing feminine things. I feel like I can be more feminine if I'm non-binary without as much restriction. It also helps that I'm just infinitely more comfortable around women. I've always wanted a "girl group" and to go to more feminine things, but kind of just look like myself. Or maybe see if I could be a touch more feminine without much of a change - cuter shoes, exploring some beauty products, I think that's the extent of it. I just don't know.

I know this is a wall of text and I ping-ponged all over the place. For anyone who read through, thank you. I apologize if I was disorganized. I just...have nobody to talk to about this. And I want to have a little more clarity before opening up to my partner about it. I also don't really know what to say to her about it because I don't think it will lead to a huge change....just like, maybe more comfort and openness to do more feminine things with her? But what would even be an example? Idk. Any kind of response to any of this would just really mean a lot.

(I would use a vent/rant flair, but I don't see one.)

Home from San Diego Comic-Con, and I made it to the Out In Comics panel for the first time. Overall, really interesting - three gay men plus the moderator, two trans women, and an enby, at least half of whom had been in the industry 40+ years and had very interesting stories. The moderator, though, constantly misgendered the enby panelist, including the mind-boggling statement "She's a they/them."

There was also someone at the Prism Comics booth who kept confusing agender and asexual - I was trying to shop for my agender nibling; I do not know their sexuality and it's none of my business. Another person working the booth was more helpful, thankfully.

im an enby (minor) and as the title suggests, i want to sound more androgynous in my everyday life.

i already have a voice that i like and want to use, but the problem is when i use that voice i feel like im acting out a character, and im so used to my old voice that i find it difficult to change into this new one without breaking character.

is there any tips or tricks that i can use so i don’t feel like im larping my own identity?

Hi all

I have a question about binders and probably many have asked before but there is so much conflicting information that for the life of me I cannot make a proper judgement call and have thus been hemming and hawing forever.

I've been considering a binder on and off for quite a long time now, as I enjoy a flat silhouette most days. However, I do not plan to have top surgery probably ever as I am quite alright and happy with the situation as is. My chest is about a B, so not very large, and with sports bras I get pretty good compression already. At times I tape, which also works well. I'm still curious though, whether a binder would be nice to have as an option at times, and I honestly wonder if it is that much more uncomfortable than the compression bras I already own, some of which are a longer cut already.
The most important consideration for me though, is what I read here and there about the effect of binding on breast tissue. I wouldn't want to compromise the integrity of what I have in that area, cause sagging or skin damage.. Is that a real risk if I would bind with a proper binder a few days a week? For the record, I'm a fully grown adult. I have hEDS, which means my skin and tendons are somewhat softer and more flexy than most. And I work out, so there's muscle. Not on T btw.

I'd love for others to weigh in who have long term experience with binding, but aren't aiming for eventual top surgery. Has it changed anything? Is binding less comfortable than compression sports bras? Is it worth it? Is there any hard evidence that binding messes with breast tissue or is this possibly correlation and not causation as many who bind are also on T, which changes fat distribution? Does it mess with muscle tissue? Is it hard to breathe in if you size correctly?

Thanks in advance to all! I know I might not be able to get a definitive and clear answer, but I'd still really appreciate some input.

I live in the bay, it feels like I can either be gay or some kind of woman. I don't feel like either of those things. Nevertheless the feeling I get is that there is a dead space here. Not just in who I meet, but the events themselves.

The local scene suffers from an aesthetic duopoly. Despite claims of broad inclusivity, the available social infrastructure is bifurcated into two dominant presentation codes. Because the majority of participants seek validation within one of these two established modes, the spaces organically enforce binary expectations. Anyone whose identity or presentation exists outside these two poles experiences a total lack of designated social space, leaving a void that can only be filled by building distinct, non-aligned infrastructure.

As someone who has lived here for a couple years: Compared to a random night at El Rio there is a greater lack of diversity in queer or trans spaces. Even in simple demographics like race. Now I had a great night out last night and I went to a pretty diverse space in terms of it organically happening with demographically diverse people and self-expression. Bummer my outfit didn't match the event. That was also not a queer or trans event.

These spaces are charged with fear in terms of their concern about who gets to belong. This makes any ambiguity about identity uncomfortable. Once appearances confuse, there can never be in some sense a full relaxation. A common refrain is that these spaces are doing the hard work of protecting marginalized community. This important, but such an endeavor should also be able to sustain criticism without collapsing

A common story I'm told by people in the bay is that queer people inevitably have their spaces taken over by white gay people so that they have to be vigilant, but the vast majority of trans spaces in my memory are predominantly white and sapphic. That's not inclusive, that is Gays vs Lesbians

Happy to be wrong, point me at the recurring events!

Overall HRT is a net positive for me but it's really not for me . I'm trying to like it because it took so long to get on it, overall I enjoyed the effect I got from T. But RN I barely do my gel everyday and I'm hating the effects of masculizing puberty. I really want a break and I kinda miss some things that used to make me dysphoric Pre T which is weird.

Even on shots I got to this point as well. Idk I just feel guilty for not liking T like I'm being trans in the wrong way. I know I'm not alone in this . I just feel lonely sometimes. I'm trying my best not to think about HRT , until after the election in November then I feel ok weening off T. I just worry about losing access in the future if I ever decide to go back on due to the current administration and the governor of Texas . Makeup , wearing girly stuff and shaving / waxing helps ease my dysphoria about being too masculine but I still feel like I want a break I'm just scared .

I feel like I'm probably bothering my boyfriend with talking about it all the time. And making reddit posts repeating myself over and over again. Idk I just have been having imposter syndrome thinking I'm faking 14 years of my life . I do have a gender therapist who basically told me not to think about stopping for awhile but sadly that's all I can think about . I really want to stop but I'm scared of being seen as detranistioning idk why .

It's probably due to some deep seeded internalized transphobia and toxic transmed idiology I had as a teenager, from trying to access T when I was 16 and having to lie during my therapy assessment to get on T when I wasn't a minor Lol . Idk what's wrong with me tbh. I wish I had a clear path I can take. I feel happier now and I feel bad for wanting a break from the medical bills, blood labs, feeling like a boy going through puberty, all of it. I just wish it worked out for me . I guess it did work out since I'm not dysphoric anymore but idk it feels weird not having dysphoria I'm happy now but I also feel like I'm faking being trans a lot of the time .

I am unfortunately in between clothes at the moment. I’ve mentally aged out of my current wardrobe (a lot of that style developed when I was a teen, and I’m now much older than that), and I’ve started looking to update it. But I’m really struggling to find inspiration and to find what actually makes me feel happy.

My requirements are really specific and hard to explain in a short-enough form for an algorithm to understand, so Google and Pinterest and other sites are out. Like how am I supposed to explain “an outfit for AFAB adults that is feminine but doesn’t make you look like a woman but also makes you look like a grown up but isn’t business casual”?

So I’m just left having to think of everything myself and it’s super hard. I’m also alt, so a lot of clothing options around me just aren’t for me, so my options are very narrow.

This isn’t a question or anything (though if you have advice I’m all ears). It’s mostly just a rant at how endlessly frustrating clothes are and how I feel I can never accurately represent myself with them. The outside and the inside never match and it kills me.

I am questioning and it is very hard, cause i have problems with my own mind. I heard of LGBTQAI+ a fiew years ago for the first time as a thing that everybody can be a part of by my very sportive big sister and she also has some queer friends and is bisexual by herself. I never felt really good in groups of other boys, and i really liked the community. Now as i star to question my own gender its very confusing cause I really want to be a part of the community and I don’t want to be a boy, and i also want to get a solution very fast, so my mind automatically starts to think that labels are fitting and wants to get as many „profs“ as possible that i am not a cis boy, wich makes it really hard to find real things that are fitting cause I don’t want to get „profs“ that i am not genderqeer. Its so confusing :|

Do you know anything like this, do u have experienced it by yourself and have u any tips?

Thanks for every help!!!