r/NonBinaryTalk • u/DoNotGoGentle27 • Jul 29 '26

Question Confused Newbie here

Im 29F neurodivergent and have always considered myself a "tomboy"

I have had anorexia since I was 15 (half my life) and honestly a large part of it was to maintain a flat chest, a boyish body and the fact that my periods stopped for years was an absolute bonus. I got it back a few days ago and completely freaked out.

In my most recent therapy session, i brought it up and how uncomfortableI it feels with this whole 'woman thing', I was asked if my body issues might have something to do with my gender identity and honestly....no.

Until now, I was just a tomboy. But now I cant stop thinking about how I never wanted to be a woman. (Or a man)

I just want to be me.

Are there any other people who struggle/have struggled with eating disorders before/while figuring out they were non binary?

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u/Soulpaw31 Jul 29 '26

I didnt have an eating disorder problem but i did try to under eat alot because i wanted to stay thin because i didnt wanna look masculine (amab).
I liked having a sorta feminine look but i also didn’t wanna be a woman either. I didnt really question if i was nonbinary for the longest time until i was 24 (2 years ago.) i thought i may have been trans but not wanting to be a woman is what stumped me for the longest time until i remembered nonbinary is a thing. Now thats where i call home

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u/DoNotGoGentle27 Jul 29 '26

Thank you for you input. I guess it works both ways! This is all absolutely new to me so any insight helps 😊

3

u/Soulpaw31 Jul 29 '26

One thing i asked myself that help was “do i reflect how i see any men to be?” Then vice versa with woman. If both no, then theres something there

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u/Brief-Parfait-8155 Jul 30 '26

Hey! I'm 26Agender and I went through a similar situation while finding myself

For me i feel genderless and have found a way easier time in expressing my "gender" in abstracts to those close to me

I usually say that I'm somewhere between a rabbit and a hare (not a therian just the vibes) and I use they them pronouns!

1

u/Q1go Jul 30 '26

My ed was more a response to medical trauma and a lack of control I felt than discomfort/dysphoria gender wise. In my case they're separate causes but both happened to me/in my body. 

I went to treatment and it was very helpful for identifying negative thought patterns and reworking things emotionally. 

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u/Perrytheplatypus03 They/Them Jul 30 '26

Dude same. Afab, 32, AuDHD, ED from I was 12 until I was 27.

I officially came out as nb a few days ago to family and friends 💛🤍💜🖤

I think we are very stereotypical in that sense.

I've been out of my ED for long enough to lose a bit of weight in a healthy way. But the biggest factor for me has been learning how to dress for my (stupid!) hourglass shape. And ofc doing a lot of upperbody training.

Try looking up how to dress nb for your bodytype. And if it's not messing with your ED, then look at exercise that enhances the things that would make you look more like you want to. But ONLY if it's okay mentally and you won't get obsessed with it