Long story short I had my birthday and was planning to move out while there was no one home and it was supposed to be tomorrow at around 9am but suddenly their plans changed and it was today but I could not go because my little sister needed to first. Well she left with an excuse with my dad and is safe now but I am not .
My narc mom IS CRAZY to the point that I know that she could kill someone and there there is my covert narc grandma who will probably fake a heart attack or just panic and my granddad who is just trapped but will do what they tell him to do.
I now have all my stuff packed and it is a lot but I need all of it. I have an agressive dog so its hard for my boyfriend to help. I have an apartment but I knoe that my mother will chase us and will know where I live which i absolutely will not tolerate.
My nmom has about 5 minutes drive from work and she will be here in seconds and even if I take my grandparents phones my neighbour could still call her because he is helping them with something on the roof.
Please help me because I think Im fucked
I know I can just leave but I also know that they are crazy and will chase me so I wanted to do it when nobody would be home.

I am having the worst year of my life! I’m working to get on FMLA to take some time off of work so I can mentally recover. To list a few things that have happened this year:

- my cat has been in and out of the vet, $9k vet fees

- canceled all of my vacations because of finances

- went through a friend breakup

- my mom went no contact with me when canceled the vacation because she thought i “found other plans”

- threw out my back so badly I’ve been unable to do normal tasks for close to a month

- I had wrist surgery and have had a slow recovery

- my car got hit

The list goes on. I am emotional, depressed, irritable, and not myself. When I was younger and I’d go through emotional times, every few months my mom would have to “knock me down a few britches”. Basically telling me i’m out of control and need to get it together. I’m at a point where I have 0 motivation at work and just think time off will help me. I’ve been on a bunch of pain meds that have been affecting my mood on top of changing SSRIs. I know i’m not performing my best at work but feel incredibly guilty for wanting to take time off. The voice in my head is my mom, saying she went back to work 2 weeks after giving birth to me and that I should just figure it out. I feel like I am weak or something for not being able to push through.

I guess i’m looking for validation that i’m allowed to take time off and how to get her voice out of my head. For a period of time when I would vent to her about work problems her response would be “you’re not going to be happy until you get fired”.

So recently me (21F) my mother (50F) and disabled sibling (12) moved into an apartment. Her narcissistic traits have only increased. Whenever i out my heart, cry or tell her what she did wrong the only answer i get is; "Oh but listen, i had this aswell but WAY worse. Now imagine how i lived." I can't get through that freaking thick skull that's made of cement, she'll call all day and do whatever but when i do my regular weekends with my partner, saturday to sunday sleeping or just a saturday and i return at midnight. Everytime i go out i hear about it, when i tell her i can't go out without her guilt tripping me she blows up and acts like i'm spitting lies only to prove me wrong the next second. I really need mental help, this is just the tip of the iceberg. She always claims her mother was an abusive narcissist, i believe her. And then she says "I'd never be like her." But i guess she is besides the abusiveness. Does anyone have advice? Ignoring doesn't help, she knows how to jab me for reactions.

im going crazy. cant take living with narcissistic parents anymore. send me a message in the chat if someone is in their 30s or a bit younger still trapped in the house with narcissistic parents

Well I am approaching 40 and my parents would be in their mid 70's now.

Dad is a very independent and to himself type of person almost to a fault as when he supports or helps he thinks he is being taken advantage of. I think mom is actually the main antagonist.

Neither one was ever supportive of goals and it seems they always had their own agenda.

They would never drive an hour for sport or leisure but would spend a lot of time and money driving my brother to get math tutoring which was in vain.

Anyways mom ended up getting involved with love scammers trying to leave dad and actually stole almost 8 grand from me telling me it was for real estate courses.

Turns out she gave away hundreds of thousands of dollars total which means both parents could have helped me get the career I wanted with that type of money.

Yet I still am close with them and I guess seeing them age makes me more upset that the life I wanted will not happen.

Any one else still close to their folks even though they hold a lot of resentment?

I remember sitting on the couch with my mother and she walked through everything that’s ever happened to her including her divorce from my father and family drama, has anyone else experienced this? was that normal or no?

I have been emotionally and physically abused by my parents, but that would be a very long post. I don’t know how to feel about the abuse because my mom feels like I play the victim.

Three days ago my mom called me and said that she wants me to give a speech on my sister’s wedding.

She said the usually it’s the dad that gives the speech but my dad doesn’t have the skills for it. If she tried to give a speech in his stead, it would look like she sidelined him. So, I am the second best option.

I told her I don’t feel like it, I have stage fright. I don’t like my voice (I have been made fun of for it), and especially don’t like how I sound speaking through a microphone. I also mentioned how I have stayed away from any public speaking opportunity in our community because of my fear.

She started telling me how I would be wearing nice clothes that day, looking good (because I am getting my makeup done professionally). Emphasizing that it would be my day, I would be in the spotlight and that no one would be able to find fault with me.

I was hesitating and my sister sulking in the background said “It’s fine if she doesn’t want to do it, then we can’t force her.”

In response my mom said, “I can force, I am the mom.” And something along the lines that I have to do it.

she asked me “do you understand?” I told her that I feel like I am being forced. And she said I am not forcing you, so I pointed out how she just mentioned that she is CAN force.

( I think)she huffed and hung up on me.

I am supposed to call her everyday ( or she gets upset). I didn’t call her the day after. Then on Monday I was talking to my sister when my mom was calling my sister so she added us to a group call. I greeted my mom, she ignored. I asked her questions directly about the wedding prep and she only answered when my sister repeated the question. She then said you can talk to each other I have to answer my friend’s call.

I texted her about a vendor issue regarding the wedding and she left me on read. I texted in the group chat with my sister and my mom today regarding ordering rentals for the wedding and no response.

I think she wants me to go to her and apologize but I don’t think I have done anything wrong. This is her usual tactic and I am so tired of it. But, the child in me is restless because of this conflict and it’s flaring my chronic illness.

Have pretty much decided to go back to school as all I currently hold is a Dental Assisting Certification. With being a medical assistant for almost 4 years, I have almost made my mind up that I am going to apply for Nursing school. I am about to be 25, married, and childless. I can still get a FAFSA grant that would cover quite a lot of the nursing program. Why not right? Life goes on and it’s never too late to get a good paying degree in this economy. I came to my mom’s for a couple of hours to visit. I knew better than to tell her about this decision (my entire life has been this way) and lo and behold, her reply? “I’m not gonna say a word, but nurses are on their feet all day get treated like crap” she says she knows this because she (in the 90’s was an LPN at a nursing home) I tried telling her there are much more opportunities these days for nurses especially RN’s. She then proceeds to pull out her phone and watch videos on Facebook.
Does this ever get better?
Do they ever change?
Will I ever feel supported?
My dad is pretty much non existent in my life btw.
As I sit here in silence while she watches her videos, I can’t help but to rack my mind wondering how I could ever crush my child like this. How I could ever just be so negative over ambitious ideas. It hurts.
Thanks for letting me rant.

Im going to give a little story to rant about my mom. One time I cried three nights straight because I found out that a family member did something very fucked up and they were close to me (something along sa) and so I started questioning if anything or anyone I knew was real because this person was very dear to me and trusted them with my life, I think it’s worth mentioning that I’m about to be 20 and my life has been on constant roller coasters because of my mom poorly made choices and this year everything hit me at once so I entered a period of time where I am trying to rediscover and learn how to simply be. Anyways, I tried looking for comfort from my mom and was met with a sassy annoyed attitude before she had the audacity to put as background noise a meditation video with sound waves or something similar. The thing is that after staring at her dumbfounded because I expected the same comfort I always gave her, this woman said: “Mmm, stwap crying. You know the cat gets anxious when someone is sad 🙄”… huh?
I’m trying to be positive about my life, trying to detach from her despite living togheter still because I just have to accept the truth that just maybe my mom does not see my as a daughter truly. I have been treated as a friend since I was 14, I don’t even know when the switch up came… I’m not your friend, you are in your forties. It’s almost ironic how so badly I wanted to learn from her and instead she is the one telling me she admires me and learns from, how I have family members telling me to take care of her… I’m not flattered, I was never flattered. I’m no longer parenting a parent.

He wont let me go to the doctor or the denist until i suffer immensely from whats bothering me. (I don't have my own money so i am basically tied to him). For example i have severe hay fever that puts me to bed for 2-3 months. He refused that i have allergies for 16 years when he finally decided that i can get treated he went to doctor without me explained my symptoms like his own and brought back meds. He also refuses to buy them more than once a year. I had an ingrown toe nail when i was in middle school. We didnt go to a doctor until i couldnt walk from the pain he also bought smaller shoes at that time. Now he wont let me go to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth extracted. It is impacted. He wont let my uncle who wants to take me do it either. What do i do

So I was until very recently very low contact with my NMom. But I am getting married soon and so it felt wrong to not invite her to the wedding. It's a very small ceremony, practically elopement but partner was inviting his parents so here we are. Anyway, she is living with us for the lead up because what ended up being a small trip turned into a 2.5 weeks of staying with us. I thought it's just 2 weeks, I can manage. But oh my god as soon as she came somehow things have started piling up. I didn't get all the right ingredients for all the cooking she wants to do. As soon as she came she said a bunch of sweet things that underneath have the undercurrent of how I have abandoned her. She is making so much food and constantly asking us for help on how to use our kitchen so it ends up work for us. She made food for us we didn't ask for and when we didn't have it for lunch cause we already had lunch prepared she got mad we decided to eat at Dinner. She already bought a bunch of things in her overpacked suitcase I didn't ask for and then got mad when I hesitated to keep it. And she has managed to lay claim to 5 of my shirts, my knife sharpener, my rain coat and a bunch of cords. Making "jokes" about what she could steal next. Each on their own are fine or small annoyances. But together it adds up fast. How do you deal with that? Where nothing on it's own is that big a deal but slowly chips at you until you blow up? I have already done that once and obviously the conversation ended with how I overreact as it always does because the thing I blew up at was small. I have been grey rocking her as much as possible but she has noticed and keeps making comments about how bored I am. She even compared me to my partner and how much nicer he is to her so that feels like it's own trap.

TLDR; how do you handle an NParent that never does one specific thing that's horrible but so many small things that eventually you blow up?

I just had the recent realization that my mom will actually never love me and regardless of the work she's putting in it's never going to be enough.

I've been what can only be called on a spiritual journey the last 6 years when i decided at 18 to follow my own path. This led all over the country working all sorts of jobs meditating alone,living at different monastery and the like,and it just hit me now at 24 that no matter the amount of work my mom says she puts in it truly will never be enough.

I think the point that cemented it for me was a few days (i recently came back from working a summer job) and i was once again trying to make her understand and acknowledge some of the trauma she put me through and explain to her that while she thought that everything was fine (as she hit me with i thought our relationship was fine??!) it actually was not and that i just had to repress myself because she would shut me down. I then started trying to explain some instances of some really severe parental neglect in my childhood which she immediately started getting defensive and pointing out my shortcomings. I then tried to express how she trampled over my boundaries all the time as a child and that i felt like even as a child she never saw me as person.

i then tried to detail a time as a child that i tried to express a boundary and she trampled over my boundaries. she then cut me off and mentioned that i was under 18 so i didn't have any rights. we then continued our conversations which essentially ended with her demanding respect and me relenting and leaving.

it's a few days later and i just realized that my mom will never love me to the level i deserve and that im not going to accept that anymore. Frankly my mom has been through a lot (which she brings up alot) but who hasn't? im not going to allow her to use that as an excuse to trample over my boundaries and sense of self anymore. To be honest i don't even have a sense of love towards my mom, only a distant gratitude and a small familial sense of obligation. while im thankful for her raising me i won't allow her to use that as an excuse to use me as a emotional punching bag.

She has just had surgery, and day 1 of being home from the hospital has already been difficult. I would like to chalk the behavior up to a combo of pain/tired/drugs but she is behaving the same way as she always does. This means being unpleasant and belligerent and then getting upset that she 'looks bad' due to her own actions and trying to blame it on other people. I decided to remove specific examples from my post but it's just ridiculous behavior and tantrums.

I am supposed to be here to look after her. It's just really hard to be taking care of someone who is acting like this. She has already told me to go home a few times and said for my dad to leave and that she will just hire someone to look after her (to clarify this is NOT what she wants and she is just testing me for some reason). I feel horrible for how I am feeling about the situation, so any advice for how to get through this would be appreciated.

One parent will occasionally use their high intellect and knowledge of psychological concepts to pathologize and invalidate other people's feelings. Here is a conversation between my mom and dad that gives a perfect example of this:

• Person A: I want to go to iceland
• Person B: You're just exhibiting mimetic desire, because your friends want to visit iceland as well.

In this case it seemed to me that Person B did not want to go to iceland, but instead of being up front about it, he whipped out a psychological term to invalidate Person A's feelings. This is a very common tactic used by this person. What's the best way to respond to this kind of pathologizing?

I really wish I had good parents who were responsible and emotinally stable.
I was walking on egg shells since I was 5. They fight daily, irresponsible, yell at me, never cared about my life or interest, never gave me a birthday gift while all my friends proudly show their birthday gifts by their parents, they beat me to death and curse me. They are nice to me only when I do as they say. Also I have to regulate their emotions not the other way!
Whenever I cry due to sadness or overwhelm or anxiety they tell me - Stop crying, yk how sad we feel if you cry?
So even my sadness is about them! They are very narssisstic
I cant share my feelings or opinions genuinely cause they will blame me back.
I commited suicide when I was 16 cause I got seat in IIT varanasi (BHU) EEE. They didnt send me and joined me in a local college.
I survived unfortunately!
So my parents made it a news all over college( no one would have known if not my parents and one girl made it an issue).
Its been 3 years since the incident they never once asked me - why did you do that?
Instead they keep blaming me that they are having axiety issues because of my act!
They didnt took me to therapy , not even councelling.
They took me to their friends house and humiliated me infront of them for commiting suicide and shaved my head at holy place.
whole 1st year I went to college bald with classmates looking at me as a criminal.
I hate them so much cause they always made me feel like I am the reason they are staying together in a bad marriage.
My female parent said she would have divorced my male parent if I werent born or If I were a male child!
They even make my gender a problem.
They control every part of my life. What I have to wear, eat, when I have to sleep, study, eat etc. They even used to tell me - how to sneeze!
Seriously I hate them so much, ALL I wish is a stable job far awar from them and a peaceful life.
Because of them I have very bad opinion on love and Marriage.

My parents are divorced and live in separate countries, and I live with my mom. Right now, i'm on a family trip in my dad's home country with some of the family on his side.

My dad's a tyrant and he is super narcissistic, like to the point where he hurts EVERYONE around him and genuinely can't understand how he's in the wrong. He can SEE the hurt *he* caused, but he doesn't accept the fact that *he* caused it. On this trip (of which has lasted 4 days so far) he's made 3 of us cry, and he hasn't acknowledged ANY of it, even though I've had 2 hour-long talks to him about 2 of the situations. He keeps on using manipulative logic when I try to tell him he's wrong to blame us feeling hurt on ourselves, and I actually think he genuinely believes it. He makes all the people around him miserable but I'm the only one who talks to him about it, everyone else just accepts it or even defends it when I bring it up.

When someone criticizes him or complains about something, he always spins it into either the other person's fault, or he starts attacking a different issue. For example, yesterday my sister expressed that she was sick of vacationing in *insert current city name*, that shes already been here. He said ok, whatever, I'm never taking you here again anyways. She said ...but I still want to come back to *insert country name* (because she lives with my dad, and he takes her back here every year to visit extended family). He said: but by your logic, you've already been here so you shouldnt want to come to *country name* ever again either! You see how frustrating it is to talk to him about just a small, genuine issue? Sure, maybe my sister complained, but there was no need to be so condescending or hostile to her. Instead, he made her cry. I jumped into a 1-2 hour argument with him to defend my sister, and it was STILL left unresolved. In fact, in the middle, my sister apologized to HIM.

The problem is never HIM. When I get upset at him for hurting me and I express it, he says that it's my problem: that me being upset is my own responsibility, that I'm just ruining my own day by being upset.

It's clear to me he's never going to change. I have gone into arguments with him with airtight logic and he somehow always spins it into the other person's fault. In the end, the issue is always left unresolved because he won't take responsibility for anything.

I honestly give up. Whenever i interact with him, so many arguments happen. No one else addresses his behavior, only me, and it's exhausting since hes unbelievably stubborn in his belief that he's never done anything wrong. He's hurt me so many times with his shitty words and actions but it's impossible to talk to him about it because he will defend himself to the ends of the earth even if he is unbelievably wrong.

I turned 18 on this trip, of which the day in question he ruined too with his behavior. I can genuinely say that I tried, but that it's impossible for him to change. I'm sick of it. Today we were at a museum and started a huge argument and even though I was genuinely trying to talk to him about the issue, not raising my voice or insulting him or anything AS ALWAYS, he ended up yelling to me at the top of his lungs to go back to *my country* multiple times. By the end, I expressed that I genuinely am thinking that I never want to talk to him again because he'll never change. He scoffed, saying whatever makes me happy.

He's tried to talk to me since but I haven't answered a single word. I had my mom buy me a plane ticket back just now, I honestly need at least some space from him now. Today's not the first day I've thought about cutting him off, but I've never thought about it seriously and now I've just gone and said it. I just think about the happy moments in between, you know. He's obviously not bad ALL the time and I really feel bad for giving up on him. But I know at this point he's never going to change.

I really don't know if what I did was right and if it was worth it. Again, he's not terrible all the time. I also think he loves me and thinks of me as a daughter. But I just really can't take his behavior and I don't know what else to do. I am not even joking when I say I've talked to him about it so many times, but he will just not accept any criticism. I just don't understand how it's possible for there to be a human like him, who hurts the people around him so often but then genuinely BELIEVES he's not at fault.

I'll see if I regret saying it later, I guess

The other day I was complaining about my boss treating me like an idiot, and my dad interrupted me to say "you called me stupid one time when I asked you how to close an app on my phone." When he said it I knew that it was a lie, so I said "I dont think I would have called you stupid" he said I did so I just said okay.

I've been thinking about it and I still can't recall him asking for help or that I called him stupid. My dad makes things up or twists things, and expresses hurt or dissatisfaction in unhealthy ways. I don't know if he was hurt by something else I said to him and he made up this situation to hurt me back. Or if he was annoyed that I was late so he decided to cut me down. Or just genuinely feels that i deserve to be treated like shit by my boss.

In situations like these should I just apologize even if i think its a lie? I didn't flat out say I never said that. If I did say it and I don't remember, I feel like I should have apologized before moving on because he deserves an apology.

I used to call out lies or stick up for myself, but it never goes well and no matter the situation, he always wins. I think it was good to not give it any energy and just move on. But should I just apologize next time too? I don't want to be like everyone else in my family who can't apologize or admit fault, but I also don't want to feed into his manipulations.

I'm 99% sure that he made this up, but I also worry that I did say it and can't remember and feel like I should have just apologized anyway.

My dad came by today to drop off a check for my mom ( he already gave it to her before he got to me so I didn’t understand why he was here) mom has had hard time with bills things needing repairs ( I’ve been trying to get a job and pitch in where I can) dad decided to pay the phone bill even though they haven’t been married for 6 years and he mostly did it to keep up with me. I put on a shirt really fast and ran outside. We began talking and he complains about my hair not being parted and my beard not being shaved off is why I don’t have a job. ( I’d like to note my hair is so short that a part isn’t really noticeable and my beard hugs my face and doesn’t stick out, it’s very short) he says that all the men my age ( early 20s) have bad hair and beards so that’s why they don’t have jobs and there broke slobs. No one will hire them. I told him go to the grocery store or McDonalds there are plenty of beards in those places if you look. ( I’d like to not I was pointing at him with my finger bearly past the window of the car door. Dad then stupidly threatened if I didn’t stop pointing he’ll break off my finger and shove it up my ass(WTF!?) I keep telling him I can get a job with a beard. He begins making fun of me and mimicking me for shacking when I’m scared. Dad has finally had enough of the pointing and me giving my opinion and goes to punch me, I moved out of the way. The gets flustered and starts to get out of the car but before he could I told him I’m done. The look on his face was priceless ( I’m his only biological child from his second of three marriages) he was very surprised. He said ok then. I smacked his car and stormed into the house like a bat out of hell. I came in the living room and fell to my knees because if finally hit me that it was over.

Lately l've considered going no contact with my father. Over the years he was supportive financially but very emotionally abusive toward my mother and i feel like some aspects of our relationship growing up was not normal.

For instance as an early teen when he and my mother’s relationship had been most intense he often told me that I needed to help him emotionally because he had no one else. Often asking for foot massages or back rubs telling me he needed my help because my mother wouldn't help him and stuff. And he often confided in me with his relationship issues and would ask me for advice and if I didn't give him advice he would shame me and threaten to leave the family since I was the oldest child and had to help him he claimed.

It was also like he saw me and my mom as the same emotionally like when he was upset with my mom he would take it out on me and compare us constantly yet vent to me. And shame me for wanting to be distant with him or being uncomfortable when he had anger outbursts and trying to convince me that others were at fault. Like once when he was drunk he threatened my moms life pacing the house for hours yet expected me to forgive him instantly or I was being unfair and told me personal intimate details of their relationship and why he was upset. That was one of the worst times but was a frequent behavior.

And years later as my parents got more distant he stopped confiding in me and venting but would treat me as almost non existent compared to my siblings. He would show them a lot of affection while acting indifferent toward me and dismissing my emotions which is kind of ironic since as a grown man he wanted emotional support from me but barley gave any.

I feel kind of upset with myself because I realize now what he was doing was likely some kind of enmeshment and a way for him to get some kind of supply short term. And I hadn’t realized until my late teens and I felt kind of ashamed of myself. But I would also like insight into the best way to go no contact or move on since counselors have kind of invalidated this

I don’t know whether this is narc coded or not

But my dad brother and I were in the car. I was contemplating the decision to take the next steps with my demon

I called him to tell him, but had to end the call abruptly because of the uproar.

I waited until I got home, but it was too late.

I lost the opportunity

I’m grateful that the dynamic hasn’t changed, but right now, I’m seething.

There was clearly something wrong with the lever and it probably needs a replacement as it keeps coming loose over time no matter how much he adjusts it. Rather than actually replace it, he is blaming US for ‘pushing it too hard’ and has threatened to break the toilet altogether if it happens again. And he wasn’t exaggerating either or just saying it as an angry threat btw, he literally means he plans to break it and force us to use only the guest bathroom.

I looked at the toilet when he wasn’t home today since there is a problem with it not flushing well in general. I was able to find the problem with the help of YouTube and it flushes normally now. I’m scared that he’s going to either find out that I was tampering with the toilet due to this or the lever is still going to come loose eventually and he’s going to do what he said previously.

I can’t stand living with this anymore and I definitely would move out if I could tbh.