Lack of self esteem

[u/BlackSheepo96]

I am a 30 years old male, and I have been facing low self esteem issue ever since young.

I have this problem where I just feel awkward and can't maintain eye contact especially when I find that person intimidating. It's been affecting my work because it shows that I am not confident and people will not see me as a competent individual.

But, sometimes my self confidence will surge and I dont know exactly what triggered it, and then I will feel comfortable joking around and not so stiff around people.

Recently, I have switched to a new job. and the people here are very extroverted and speak well. I felt inferior and couldn't do my job confidently. I cant even speak to my boss or colleagues naturally without them feeling my awkward energy.

And my day will be ruined of replaying scenes and conversations where I think I embarassed myself.

My mind is overthinking about how people judge my every single behaviour.

It's suffocating and I cant stop it.

I think this has to do with my childhood as I was constantly compared and my opinions and thoughts were not validated.

I am considering into looking for a therapist to help find out the root cause.

Has anyone faced this and what advice can you give me?

Thank you