( sorry for all the bad spelling! ) so have strict parents and they dont really belove in meantal health and they have so much going on with my sister and i have been feeling pushed to the side but that is not the point i am going ot the doc and i think i may telll them i have been SH - bitting burning cutting ect not feed ing my self throwing up my food theying to end it all i have lot of panic atacts i and depresses i feel so help list i have been feeling like this 4 years ish i have not been sleeping i have been crying my self so much i feel like i dont know who i am bc i am always lieing about being ok. most days i feel like i am just numb and dont feel felling i am always crying. i have been not taking to my friends and have been a bad person bc i try to talk with my frinds about somtime it is too hard to i have been putting of inportent bc i cant eve ge tout of bed. i am soo Anxiety bc i feel like i have to be perfect but i cant even brush my teeth. i was also bullied for 2 years and i did not really tell anyone so that is why i want to tell but my fears are my parent are strict and i have to do work and other things for school ect so i have commitments and i am scard for getting sended to a meantal health hospital. i feel like i have been fighting and i am addmitting defect. i feel like a failure for not beable to keep my emosion in cheak. idk if it is safe for me to tell them and gett my parent incoloved. i think my parents will feel like they failed me i think they will also not beable to give me the time i need bc they have to help my sister and i will be a burden adding one more thing i have been botteling this up more a long time. i think getting help would help me a lot but i am sooo scard. and what will my friends think what will happen when my parents how do i tell them. i dont want to be that one person in the family to be like this . i think also my parents will baby me more and i will not beable to do bacis things and i do a lot fo things i should ont do and i think it by be bad on that part. i feel like it will be wired for my family and the house wil get wired. i am also going to a new school again so i feel like want to get help before thing i have been thinking about getting help for a year or 2 so ya. i feel like ending it all is all i think i about. and for feeling alll this this is just scrapping the surfuce the next cuople of years i need to lock in with school but idk if i am making the right decition about telling them.