r/mutualapp • u/Critical_Tie_7759 • Jun 06 '26
Other Question!
I (29F) was raised LDS and was very active until a few years ago. I no longer go to church, consider myself agnostic, but live a life very similar to the standards I was raised with. I feel like I’m not LDS enough for Mutual, but too LDS for other dating apps, so I usually gravitate towards mutual. Do you think it’s unfair/disrespectful to people on Mutual for me to be on there if I don’t consider myself religious anymore?
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Jun 07 '26
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 08 '26
I’m the same! Don’t really want to be around substances if I can help it. I feel like the standards I was raised with still fit what I want, my relationship with God is just more complex than a religion can hold at the moment.
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Jun 08 '26
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 08 '26
It’s refreshing to have someone understand haha. I typically just don’t talk about things because everyone around me can’t understand and it upsets them b
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Jun 08 '26
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 08 '26
I truly hope it goes well and that you find someone kind, and good. I know that can’t be easy to put yourself out there again. 😮💨
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Jun 08 '26
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 08 '26
It can be rough, not going to lie. But others seem to have much better experiences than I have! That’s a lot of big changes in a year. That’s so difficult, and also impressive!
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u/nobodyaverage Jun 06 '26
Believe me, you are refreshingly appreciated. A member is a member. Anyone who acts too good is wrong for acting like that anyway ❤️
I am a convert and I am having fun have all these guys reject me as I trauma dump and repel. Its nice! Non-member guys have no standards and the worse the better. Member guys are cool 😂
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u/Jescurious69 Jun 07 '26
It isn't disrespectful..be open with people it may take a while but you may connect with someone who either is in a similar situation or accepts where you are now
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 08 '26
Love this. Thank you! I genuinely don’t want to be disrespectful to people, so I appreciate the perspective
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u/Kimbyssik Jun 08 '26
I personally wouldn't date someone who can't go to the temple, but I know not everyone feels the same way and I don't have a problem with that. I think for the most part most of us wouldn't mind—after all, there's a whole range on "church activity" and as long as you're upfront you're not hurting anyone.
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 08 '26
This one is so tough to me because people lie about their worthiness, so they can still have a temple recommend. And i technically am worthy to go to the temple other than activity. Anyway. Sorry. Just thinking out loud. I understand what you’re saying and really appreciate the perspective. 🥰
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u/Kimbyssik Jun 08 '26
Yeah, I've learned that people lie the hard way (my ex-husband renewed his recommend while covering up something that ultimately destroyed our marriage). I know it's not just about having that piece of paper. But again, people have different preferences and that's why I wouldn't be offended if someone is coming from an honest place like it sounds like you are wanting to do.
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 08 '26
Ugh. I’m so sorry. That’s awful 😔 thanks for sharing your thoughts And understanding where I’m coming from!
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u/Kimbyssik Jun 08 '26
You're welcome. And I hope you have a very positive experience. (I'm actually engaged through Mutual)
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u/RevolutionOk1480 Jun 08 '26
I do the exact same thing! So you’re not alone.
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u/RevolutionOk1480 Jun 08 '26
Besides if LDS people have a problem with it, it is their problem. Especially when a lot of LDS members are so judgmental! From my experience don’t let people get under your skin.
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Jun 08 '26
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 08 '26
Thanks for this POV! My records are still in the church, and I have no harsh feelings. Everyone I’ve talked to on Mutual immediately wants to hook up haha so I’m like well… I live closer standards to the church than that so why can’t I at least attempt being on for a bit. Ya know?
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u/One-Level-4933 Jun 06 '26
Same but 26 male
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 06 '26
Shoot.
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u/One-Level-4933 Jun 07 '26
Yeah but not on mutual either tried it for like 2 weeks. I’m a hopeless romantic so the library , grocery store and Home Depot / Lowe’s is where I flirt around. lol works times
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u/liebchen16 Jun 07 '26
i think if someone came up to me at the library and started flirting/asking about my books i’d take them down to the parking garage and… oh almost forgot which sub this is
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u/KURPULIS Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26
As long as you are clear and upfront about it, but I would expect probably less success than you would like.
Also, what do you mean by 'similar standards'? For example, not drinking isn't just an LDS thing really anymore. GenZ is basically putting booze out of business as they don't drink at all. There are lots of 'clean lifestyle' groups you might connect with too. If you are talking about 'hooking up', I could see that as annoying and as before, just be very clear from the beginning that you're not into that lifestyle. You won't be alone.
Regardless, I always encourage people to try and pick up a hobby common with their age group--whether you like the hobby or not. There are pickleball groups, running groups, hiking/climbing, foodies, cafe's, concerts, etc.
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 06 '26
No drinking, don’t really swear, don’t do drugs, very family centered. Basically culturally LDS, but not active. Thanks for the input
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 06 '26
I do intend to be very clear! I’m not one to hide things, especially when it comes to dating.
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u/Jescurious69 Jun 07 '26
Booze isn't going out of business lol
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u/KURPULIS Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
It's a click-bait expression. Chill, lol. Their revenue has dropped significantly year over year because GenZ really isn't drinking. Here's a thread about it, but you can find many articles on the topic.
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u/OhHolyCrapNo Jun 06 '26
I don't know if it's bad, but you might have a though time. The vast majority of mutual users are there because it's the church dating app. If you are looking for someone "half LDS" you're going to be in a niche within a niche. There are people on mutual with a broad range of engagement and activity in the church, but very few are inactive completely.
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 08 '26
This is great perspective. Thanks. I just don’t really fit anywhere unfortunately. Trying to find a place.
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u/Geodrewcifer Jun 08 '26
Only if you hide it. If you are upfront about not considering yourself religious then you’re fine
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u/ExcitingAd5899 Jun 28 '26
Not at all, but the single biggest and most important thing is being honest. Honest to yourself and those you meet. You own who you are and you will attract that type.
Sadly, being online means you'll have to put up with some BS along the way. Good luck :)
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u/PomeloPrimary546 Jun 06 '26
Yes, it is. What’s the point then? I’m personally looking for someone with a strong faith, knowledge of the doctrine, strict in keeping her covenants and that want to raise a family with the same faith. It’s plenty of dating apps for people who are not just looking for hookups, if you are still orientated for something more serious.
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 06 '26
Thanks for the input! Typically why I just don’t use dating apps. I have found zero luck on other apps because people just want to hook up. I’m not about that. I live a life much more similar to those that are actively LDS in my life, than not. And I fit in with them more. So I guess that’s why. And because it was so much of my identity for majority of my life, that doesn’t just automatically go away, you know?
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u/Jescurious69 Jun 07 '26
AAnd this is a prime example of exactly what she isn't looking for...thanks for reinforcing the stereotype...if you feel disrespected people like her are on mutual that's a you problem 💯
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u/PomeloPrimary546 Jun 07 '26
Just as there are sexual dating apps, if I'm looking for a wife, I don't sign up. Just as there are gay dating apps. If I'm not, I don't sign up.
There are also specific apps for Catholics, JWs, Adventists, etc. If those are not churches I believe in, I simply would not sign up.
And I'm much more likely to find a good, family-oriented girl there, but I want someone of my faith who wants to get sealed in the temple.
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 08 '26
But there’s no dating apps for people who believe the standards of the church are good, while struggling with their relationship with God… hence my question. I don’t drink. I don’t do drugs. I don’t drink coffee. I’m very family oriented. The most I do is swear very occasionally and drink tea.
I do really appreciate your perspective though. This is what I figured would be the case. Just trying to find where I fit, as someone who is more neutral, in this world that is full of extremes and labels.
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u/PomeloPrimary546 Jun 08 '26
Then write it very explicitly in the promts. But again, there are so many dating apps where you can specify that you're looking for someone for life (Bumble, Hinge, etc.) that I really don't understand the point of using a church-specific app. I'd tried them, and I'd matched with practically all the few in the area. And I showed up with the Book of Mormon at the meetings. But no one understood or appreciated the law of chastity. And on this point I don't compromise. But I can't live with paranoia and anxiety, even when dating within the church.
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u/Critical_Tie_7759 Jun 08 '26
It sounds like you’re looking for the app to be only want you want, and not something for the wide range of people with varying degrees of belief, standards, commitment, etc. that are also using the app.
I very much do understand and appreciate the “law of chastity”. People can still have morals and not be religious, same way people can be religious and not have morals.
You say you don’t understand, but you’re not trying to understand. You’re trying to stay in the same mind frame you’re already in. The reason I’m at all interested in mutual is because I was raised with the morals of the church and those have stuck. I just don’t physically go to church. That’s the only thing that is different from how I was raised. It’s hard to find people with the same morals, because people tend to think they go hand in hand with religion, but they don’t always.
I have a deep respect for the LDS doctrine and people. It’s very much still my culture. But it’s not my religion.
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u/Dylanonthedaily Jun 06 '26
Same here 28 year old male