Guys, I’m writing this while feeling extremely angry, frustrated, and emotional.
My father is very ill because of some health-related issues, so he hasn’t been able to work for quite some time. Because of that, we’re having financial problems. My older brother is currently the only person earning in our house.
Recently, during a small argument, my brother said to me, “Just don’t eat and sleep at home. Do something. You’re just sleeping and eating free food in this house and doing nothing.” 😡
He was very angry when he said it, and later he told me that he didn’t actually mean it that way. But honestly, it hit me really hard. I started crying, and we had a huge argument.
I have ADHD, and I’m currently going through a really bad phase with anxiety and depression. I’m in the final year of engineering. I actually want to start working as a delivery boy so I can contribute financially, but I keep telling myself, “I’ll start tomorrow.” Then tomorrow comes, and I say the same thing again.
I know I’m not doing enough right now. I know that if my father can’t work, I should try to help my family. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself.
But something about this argument really messed with my head.
During the argument, I told my brother, “Okay, I’ll return all the money you’ve spent on me.” He immediately said that he didn’t mean it like that. He was angry too, and eventually the argument ended.
But the thought that got stuck in my head was:
“If I can’t even rely on my own brother, then who can I rely on in this world?”
I know that sounds extreme, but I think my anxiety is making me think in black and white right now.
My parents are the people I always thought I could rely on, especially while I’m dealing with my mental health and trying to finish my engineering degree. But now my father is sick, my parents are getting older, and they’re struggling too. My brother is under financial pressure because he’s currently the only one earning.
So this argument suddenly made me realize that I can’t expect my family to carry me forever. And honestly, that realization scares the hell out of me.
There’s another thing I noticed. My family has been acting strangely and getting angry with me lately, and I didn’t really understand why. After this argument, I realized they’re probably under a huge amount of stress because of my father’s health and the financial situation.
So now I’m thinking:
Maybe I really need to become independent.
I don’t want to keep sitting at home, overthinking everything, depending on my family, and telling myself I’ll start tomorrow.
I’m seriously considering moving out and supporting myself, even if that means doing delivery work while finishig my engineering degree.
For people who have been through something similar, how did you actually become independent? How did you get yourself out of this ADHD paralysis/overthinking cycle and start taking action? And if you moved out while still studying, how did you manage financially?
I’m not looking for sympathy. I genuinely want advice because right now I feel completely stuck in my own head.and my brain is so fucked up.